Sunday, July 18, 2010
Vile Food Items that Should be Banned from Existence
It doesn’t matter if you are a self-professed, up-yourself foodie with a highly refined palate or just an average joe eater, we all typically have foods that we loathe and would never want to find on our dinner plate. Some food items are obviously disgusting and puke-inducing by nature while others often contain unknown ingredients that render them repulsive by default. Either way there are definitely some food items that should be banned from worldly existence:
These gross little stink balls with the equally stupid name are from the wild cabbage family and were grown as early as the 1200’s in Belgium. How exactly the Belgians could come up with something as wonderfully delicious as Belgian chocolate and something as disgusting as brussels sprouts is a complete and utter mystery. To this day, brussels sprouts are referred to as ‘barf balls’ by many of my family members and even our childhood dog had enough sense NOT to eat something that looked and smelled like vomit chunks!
This questionable snack food is derived by taking chunks of processed pork skin, deep frying it until it puffs up into weird curly shapes and then adding various chemical agents and seasoning. While pork rind manufacturers attempt to remove most of the pig hair from the pork skin, doing so isn’t 100% possible so if you are really lucky you just might get some of porky’s hair with your piggy chips. Ummm… Now that’s what I call tasty!
Gelatin or Jell-O
The dark little secret on this food item is that it is actually made from the boiled bones, cartilage, connective tissues, skins and tendons of animals. Once processed, gelatin becomes a tasteless, odorless and almost colorless protein that dissolves in hot water and turns jelly-like when cool. Gelatin is the basis for that fun, wiggly, giggly dessert otherwise known as Jell-O. Now I don’t care how dietetic Jell-O is supposed to be, there ain’t no way I’m eating pig hooves!
Chitterlings a.k.a. Chitlans
These nasty astronomical delights (not!) are actually the viscera intestines of pigs that are prepared as food and which stink to high hell during the cooking process. And if the mere possibility of contracting a disease such as E. coli and Salmonella weren’t bad enough, chitlans must be soaked and rinsed several times in water and repeatedly picked clean by hand to remove extra bits of fat, undigested food and feces. Now maybe it is just me, but anything that has housed actual shit is just too freaking disgusting to even attempt eating
While garlic has been used for food and medicinal purposes by many cultures for thousands of years, it still f*cking stinks! This repugnant member of the onion family is well known for causing halitosis but it is also responsible for inducing nausea, vomiting, diarrhea and mouth ulcerations in individuals who suffer from allergies to garlic – as in people like me! …Perhaps it’s the vampire roots in my family tree, who knows, but if someone ever wanted to knock me off all they would have to do is poison me with garlic and it would be sayonara to the future Empress of the Blogging World. And well, I’m just not having any of that!
Drop me a line in the comments section and let me know what foul food items gross you out, turn your stomach or just plain make you want to vomit. Thanks!