While I personally know some men with a great sense of fashion, it is probably fair to say that there are plenty of guys out there that really have positively no clue when it comes to dressing themselves in even the slightest semi-appealing manner. In an effort to help out those poor fashion-challenged blokes, The Ranter’s Box Fashionista is offering up some fairly universal fashion don’ts – as in DO NOT EVER BE SEEN IN PUBLIC WEARING the following:
Socks with Sandals
Wearing sandals accompanied by socks is a completely moronic fashion faux pas. Besides looking ridiculous, socks defeat the whole purpose of allowing ones feet to stay cool. If a man’s feet are so fugly or poorly groomed that he needs to hide them with socks, then he should simply opt for normal, closed-toe shoes… or otherwise risk coming across as an effing dork!
Skinny Jeans
Unless a guy is in his teens, early twenty’s or is an actual rock star, then most men cannot effectively pull off this effeminate, incredibly trendy look. Skinny jeans are unflattering on almost everyone and far, far from manly. Chicks like manly. Enough said.
Cropped Shirts
Cropped shirts of any kind are a major fashion disaster. Unless a guy is working as a male stripper then it is best to steer clear of this type of attire. Most men do not have the appropriate physique to wear this sort of look. And if even a dude does have a banging bod and is gung ho on showing off his six-pack in a sexy little cropped top, then he is still at risk of looking like one of the Village People or a guido from the Jersey Shore. So just don’t go there!
Holiday Sweaters
Holiday sweaters never were and will never be fashionable for a man. Only a frumpy nana who is stuck in the 80’s would dare attempt this huge fashion no-no. So, unless one is aiming to become an absolute laughing stock amongst their mates, the only acceptable place for a holiday sweater is inside a wood chipper or the bottom of a fire pit. Comprende?
Speedos
Wearing thongs, banana hammocks, sausage slings or anything even remotely resembling a speedo in public is just plain wrong on so many levels. Speedos are unflattering on almost all men and no one wants to be forced to see the ‘junk in some dude’s trunks’. Unless a guy is a professional competitive swimmer, then it is best to save this look for private viewing ONLY lest risk coming across as a gross and narcissistic exhibitionist!
Thank you and I’m so glad we have finally cleared this up!
Woohoo, I don't have any of these! Although, I have worn a Christmas sweater to a couple Halloween parties, because I'm awesome like that.
ReplyDelete@Steve G: Ok, I'll give you a hall pass on the stupid ass holiday sweater but only because it was for a Halloween party. But if you merely used the party as an excuse to justify wearing this particular sort of fashion travesty well then the Empress is going to have to kick you out of the club! ; )
ReplyDeleteI can understand picture #1...horizontal stripes elongate you...so with that reasoning he was probably trying to accentuate his "best" feature. I never put my post in someone elses blog but the socks with sandal thing reminded me of an incident and I had to go back and read it because I am bored and not drunk...check it out!! http://dailylifewithbipolar.blogspot.com/2010/03/well-aint-that-buncha-shit.html
ReplyDelete@Donda: Well, let's hope that Mr. Horizontal Stripes at least has a nice package because from the looks of it, that might be his only claim to fame!! ...You are always welcome to leave your blog name or posts here. I have readers who think you are effing hilarious. I will definitely check out what you wrote.
ReplyDeleteWell thank ya!! I appreciate that...but I won't take advantage like that guy in the mesh shirt! I bet that beer can feels sleezy now! LOL
ReplyDelete@Donda: The beer can is probably praying for a sanitary wipe right about now!
ReplyDeleteSee, I got the Christmas sweater from a well-meaning aunt, so I couldn't really just toss it. Until I was like 21, my relatives would buy me clothes, until they finally figured out I didn't wear any of them.
ReplyDelete@Steve G: And did this same well-meaning auntie also sew you a bunny rabbit jumper like poor Ralphie in 'A Christmas Story'? ... Rule #27 - Never, EVER wear anything ugly or ridiculous looking even if a female relative gives it to you as a present. Just politely thank the woman with the questionable taste and then tell her that you are sorry but the garment doesn't fit. This will help save you from ending up in one of those 'Fashion Don'ts for Men' photos!
ReplyDeleteHow about guys who wear those low rider pants with there underware hanging out or guys with hairy chests who wear unbuttoned shirts with gold chains? They are nasty in my book. Oh and I really hate those stupid plastic crocodile shoes to. Sometimes I even see guys wearing them with socks which is way ooogly!!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDelete@Anonymous: I completely agree with you on all counts. Guido shirts with golds chains, butt skimmer pants and crocs are all major fashion mistakes! Whoever invented these atrocious looks should definitely be held accountable!
ReplyDeleteCoincidentally a few minutes ago I was reading the comments on someone's Facebook status update that read, "What kind of a guy wears skinny jeans." This new era of the metrosexual male in touch with his softer fashion side, is truly bringing about gross crimes against fashion!
ReplyDelete@Mthoko: So I take it you won't be rockin the skinny jeans tonight?!
ReplyDeletewhere in HELL did you find these pictures?
ReplyDelete@Anonymous: Oh, I found them in my photo albums. I guess I know plenty of men with bad taste... just kidding. I actually found the photos while doing internet research. Like the saying goes, a picture is worth a thousand words!
ReplyDeleteI didn't see a problem with the guy with the chopped shirt... i mean he didn't have a "six pack" per se... but he was still kinda cute.
ReplyDeleteAlso: i have that same pink swimsuit. My girlfriend only lets me wear it once in a while... but if it were up to me I'd wear it all summer.
http://arealgoodblog.blogspot.com
LOL!!! Soo true!
ReplyDelete@Charles: Having a bit of a man crush there? Perhaps it is the ultra sexy mullet hairdo...
ReplyDeleteNow you in the pink swimsuit is something your readers would LOVE to see. Please make sure that you abstain from any 'nair' related activities prior to us being blessed with viewing you in all your manly glory!
@Sharron Leigh: Thanks chickadee! Those 'boy's are quite the turn on now arent' they?
I found you through Donda. She is awesome. But so are you. I am now following you. I often wonder how people can look in the mirror and actually think it looks ok. I know, they have rose-colored glasses.
ReplyDelete@Christy: Thank you my dear! And yes, I totally agree that Donda is awesome... As for those fashion disasters perpetuated by the clueless male species, I'm guessing that they probably aren't looking in mirror prior to going out in public. Poor silly bastards! Hopefully these handy tips will help enlighten them ; )
ReplyDelete