Thursday, July 22, 2010

Fishing for The Ultimate Hoochie



More reality TV ridiculousness hit the airwaves with Ochocinco: The Ultimate Catch. The premise behind this absolute train wreck of a dating show is 16 skanky bimbos competing bracket style for the love, money and/or cockadoodledoo of Chad Ochocinco, the professional football player. In the end, the winning hoochie mama gets awarded some gaudy-ass Liberace ring emblazoned with the number 85 on it. Yeah, I know, how original…



Despite the show being filmed inside a fairly nice mansion, it was obvious there was an extremely miniscule production budget. I’m guessing the girls were disappointed once realizing they were actually on a vh1 show and not The Bachelor -- and therefore there were likely to be NO big extravagant fantasy dates for their little gold digging asses. Group dates involved pool and tailgate parties both of which took place at the house. And although the classy party menus consisted of no-frills hotdogs and hamburgers Chad was actually kind enough to gift some of the girls with itsy-bitsy bathing suits i.e. clothing du jour for reality TV ho’s.

One of the more aggressive bimbettes named Ericka seemed quite proud to be prancing and jiggling around in her new white string bikini. The cameras cut to Erika who exclaimed, “I am feeling confident in my bathing suit and I feel Chad is excited to see me in my bathing suit. And I got his attention for sure… in my bathing suit” …Gosh, I bet her and her vacant eyes, Donald Duck lips and gianormous fake boobies make her family incredibly proud! You go Ericka!

Ericka in all her glory:


The rest of the episode involved further conniving, cat fighting, jockeying for a ride on Chad’s joystick, blah, blah, blah -- which of course is all pretty typical for this genre of trash television.

So, at this point all I can say is, damn you Joel McHale of The Soup for showing a funny clip about this craptacular show and therefore ultimately introducing me to it. And while I’m reasonably certain I won’t be able to stomach further episodes of The Ultimate Catch even if it is in the name of blog research -- if I do come across any juicy dirt on the cast members I will certainly be sure to share a snarky update.

11 comments:

  1. Whatever happened to the good ol' days of classy shows like Joe Millionaire?

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  2. @Crabby Commuter: Yes, I completely forgot about the ultra classy show Joe Millionaire! : )

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  3. Very funny, especially the part about the duck lips and ginormous tits! LOL! Want to bet that girl Erika is really a stipper cause she kinda looks like it.

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  4. @Anonymous: Thanks, I try my best... You may be right about the stripper part. It doesn't seem all that farfetched of an observation ; )

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  5. I don't know who Chad Ochocinco is.

    I am frightened that people in America are watching this show. What will it be like when I have kids? Will it just be snuff and porn? How much farther off are we from "running man" and the like?

    Crazy.

    http://arealgodblog.blogspot.com

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  6. @Charles: Very astute observation there. There are very few redeeming things left on TV today. While I admit that some reality television shows make for a good study in human behavior, trash like 'The Ultimate Catch' is lacking in any sort of value at all.

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  7. It doesn't matter what the reality show is, those girls are all a bunch of whores. Enough said.

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  8. @Anonymous: Well, I guess that pretty much sums things up, huh?!

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  9. I loved the clip they showed on The Soup. You're talking about the one where it was obvious that the producers are feeding lines to the contestants, right?

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  10. @Steve G: Yes, that would be the clip ... and it would also be the very same clip where I recognized someone I used to know...

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  11. Plain out gay

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