Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Psychos and Shopping Carts
We’ve all had to deal with those clunky, cumbersome shopping carts with those wonky wheels that are about as hard to push through the grocery store as an overloaded trash dumpster. Then there are those filthy, nasty carts that actually do look like the inside of a trash can -- complete with sticky goo, old receipts and stray bits of left over produce. There are also the stray, unmanned shopping carts that some wanker leaves out in the middle of the parking lot because they are too fricking lazy to take the cart and put it back in the cart corral where it belongs. And of course those stray carts are inevitably destined to go on a solo hit-and-run mission throughout the parking lot running over little old ladies and scraping up the side of your car, which absolutely pisses me off -- as much as I imagine it ticks off those ole blue hairs with the shopping cart wheel marks running down their backs.
But anyhow, basically I hate shopping carts and therefore avoid them at all costs. Yesterday however, I didn’t have so much luck with my usual avoidance strategy. There I was intending to make a quick stop into the local grocery store to pick up a few items. Fairly quickly I had loaded up my hand basket and with my other free hand I carried a large jug of water. It was a bit of a juggling act but no real problem since there was (lucky me!) an open checkout counter to walk straight up to. Or so I thought. Out of nowhere comes this psychotic dude driving his big ass shopping cart like it was an assault vehicle. He was absolutely determined that he was going to race me to the cash register and cut me off at the pass. At that point I was struggling and about to accidentally drop my shopping basket on the ground, but somehow managed to get it on to the check-out counter. As the cashier was asking me if I was ok, she and I both turned to look in shock as the crazy guy’s shopping cart came within inches of rear ending me. I couldn’t help but ask that A-hole if perhaps he was in a such a hurry that he needed to go in front of me. He replied that no he didn’t need to go first, he just thought he would come over to another checkout lane. Seriously dude? Like WTF? Did I forget that I had left on my Harry Potter invisibility cloak or something and he just couldn’t see me? Or maybe, the jerk gets his kicks by playing shopping cart derby, or maybe he liked my perfume, who the hell knows… Anyway, the dick proceeded to follow my out into the parking lot trying to garner further unaccepted attention from me. And because I was rightfully convinced that he was a complete and utter nutter, I kept my eye on him while I was driving away. And wouldn’t you know it, the bastard left his shopping cart out in the middle of the crowded parking lot!