Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Mamby Pamby Jackwagons

For those of you that have been around for awhile, you are probably aware that I, The Empress, am a major word perv. There are all sorts of crazy words and phrases that I use here at The Ranter’s Box. Sometimes I even invent new words that somehow I am able to convince the highly discerning publishers over at Urban Dictionary to publish. (Side note: It’s amazing what you can bribe a publisher to do for a bottle of scotch and a picture of one’s boobies…)

And while I’m often surprised by some of the wacky shit that I find myself saying (f*ckstick, cocklick or douche bitch), I must give credit where credit is due. In this instance I want to give major props to the crusty old drill sergeant who has inspired my now liberal use of the word JACKWAGON:

Happy Hump Day my lovelies!
xo The Empress

PS: I’d love to know your favorite word pervy names or phrases. If you are up for sharing, please delight me and leave them in the comments section below. I shall be forever grateful!


  1. Here's one I just thought of... "Hi I'm a goof-sillious-male-sapian" transalted to "Hi I'm a goofy and silly homosapian."... It's a work in progress

  2. I think knob slobbing has been my favorite for a while but I don't know anymore, so much has changed since that phrase has been introduced to me.

  3. This is by far my favorite Geico commercial. The last time I saw the one with the little pig, I threw a golf club at the TV.

    And just to be sure it was dead, I pushed the TV into the pool.

    And poured oil along the surface.

    And lit it on fire.

    No more piggy.

  4. I'm a fan of fuckwad, but rarely use it as BF finds it highly offensive (well, okay, probably most people do).

    And the old standy is douchebag or asshat. Pretty tame compared to The Empress!!
    (*bows down in Wayne's World "We're Not Worthy" hailing*)

  5. My favorite made up word by far is Twatwaffle. Tell me that you wouldn't die if someone called you that! My BFF and I were trying to think of swear words that incorporated breakfast foods and that was what I came up with.
    My other fav is Slutty McWhorebag... I use that one a lot while driving!
    Admit it, I am a word wizard!

  6. @The Phoenix Rising: Quite a mouthful, eh? But I'm liking it all the same.

    @The Adorkable Ditz: Knob slobbing is still one of my favorites (for various reasons). I'm glad I can help corrupt the minds of others ; )

    @Jeff: And no more piggy for you!

    @J9: Douche nozzle is AWESOME!

    @StephanieC: I am a bad influence aren't I? The bowing down part is pretty cool though ; )

    @Jess: Ok, you are now my hero! Twatwaffle and Slutty McWhorebag, love it!!! And just for that I now proclaim thee a fellow "Word Perv".

  7. I just stick the old classics . Fuckwit being one of my favorites. Cool commercial. Need more like that on our box

  8. when I was a teenager the word was Fuckpig. God alone knew what it meant but if you were called it you were under no illusions that it wasn't nice.

    My favourite for a while was the name my friend had for my ex. She used to ask me if Cuntybollocks was home yet? After I fell about laughing I was like wtf?? The name has stuck though.

  9. Fucknuts and slotface are two personal faves - but yeah, also have issues with BFs (and many others) finding them offensive, so use them in public very often ...

  10. i love that you are expanding my vocabualary

  11. i enjoy the mc/eson prefix and suffix thing. like fucky mcfuckeson. here is my example sentence.
    "i was ready to leave the bar, but fucky mcfuckeson over here was too busy getting an std in the bathroom."

  12. I used to always use the term slapdick. It was a negative noun, as in 'that dude is being a real slapdick today."

    But a friend of mine used it differently once, saying (to someone he was pissed at) he was going to "give them a slapdick sandwich." That has always stuck with me as being probably the worst kind of sandwich... and also being hilarious. When I finally get around to finishing that screenplay it will be included!


  13. My favorite is douchemuppet.
    Also asshabadasher, which is defined as one who is such an asshat that they in fact make asshats. Asshabadashery is the act of being an asshabadasher.

  14. I LOVE that commercial. It is one of my all time favorites. My and my kids are always randomly saying stuff from it.

  15. I'm not very original. "Dumbass" is my usual fallback.

  16. I love that commercial! Our family had a Christmas Eve dinner convo about our daughter's use of the term "whorebag." Was it a bag for whores or a bag made of whores or what? I often use "twangy little twat" to refer to backassward country bumpkin Southern accented girls.

  17. Well, when we're having a bad day at work we like to say that things are going kittywampus on their way down to poopinhagen...

  18. I adore twatwaffle, douche canoe (Which I think you coined and I tried to use on a friend but could only laugh and failed), clusterfuck, and of course plain old fuck (it never lets you down).

  19. love that commercial!

    cocknozzle, douchepuddle, fucktard, slimeslit...
    dingleberry, shittard...

    prostiticians, bankstards, and the list goes on..

    oh and you know i have more...

    love this post Empress!

    bruce johnson jadip
    stupid stuff i see and hear
    Bruce’s guy book
    the guy book
    Dreamodel Guy

  20. @Mynx: That will do. It's a classic!

    @Lyndylou: F-big is brilliant : )

    @Red Nomad OZ: Ha! No washing of one's mouth out here. Word pervery is welcome at The Ranter's Box.

    @becca: As long I as don't end up burning in hell for doing so ; )

    @Jess: Agreed! The whole "Mc" thing makes swearing even more fun.

    @Simple Dude: Hilarious! Does that sandwich come with special sauce?

    @Danger Boy: You should definitely submit asshabadasher to urban dictionary. Love it!

    @Oilfield Trash: It is great isn't it? Interesting though how several people I know said they thought of me the first time they saw that commercial.

    @Vinny C: That's ok. I'm good at cursing and you are highly skilled in areas where I am a complete and utter technotard : ))))

    @Christina Paul: Glad you enjoyed it!

    @lolamouse: Oh my. How old is your daughter?

    @Madigan: Kittywampus is classic. Hadn't heard of poopinhagen. That is funny.

    @Jewels: Now it is a proven fact that I do indeed corrupt my lovelies. And one can never go wrong with the eff word and all its glory!

    @Nicky: Is there someone special that word is reserved for?

    @Bruce: Thanks. You know I thought of you when I wrote this post. You are the king of word pervs!

  21. *blushes*

    thanks! and you are THE queen!


  22. Bahaha- word perv, this post and replies are full of epicness. Might have to note some down for future reference, although I'll watch who I use them on eh? :P

  23. Oh, that is my favorite commercial! I love most of the Geico commercials, in fact.

    Knob slob is still my fave! Keep them coming, please. I like to post your word perviness on my blog.

  24. Jess...can I get syrup on my twatwaffle? Oh sorry, as teenagers my mom would kill us for swearing so being the creative siblings that we were, my brothers and I referred to each other as penis craniums instead of the point across and we didn't get smacked for saying it :-)

    I've always liked the word numbnuts too!

  25. @linnykins: Go forth my friend and share thy epicness!

    @Mrs. Hyde: See, yet another confirmation that you are my sister from a different mister. Ding dongs on the mind, always! ; )

    @Chief aka Dad: Ha! Syrup on the twatwaffle? Awesome!! Penis cranium is indeed clever : )

  26. Are you a big fan of the jackwagons?

  27. That commercial is great. I still don't know what a jackwagon is. I think we should bring ass-wipe back. No one says that anymore.

    I was sent over by Oilfield Trash but not by gunpoint.

  28. @Denase: Not a big fan of the jackwagons ; )

    @Powdered Toast Man: Thanks for visiting and chimining in. A jackwagon is a big moron that may or may not engage in dickwadery. And yes, ass-wipe is classic!


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