Sunday, January 30, 2011

Origins of a Word Perv

Ok, I’ll admit it. I am rather fond of swearing. At times I’m certain I could give a sailor or a truck driver a run for their money when it comes to being a potty mouth. Catch me in the car stuck in nightmare traffic and sometimes I even amaze myself with the never-before-heard naughty word combinations I come up with. They. Are. Shocking.

But it’s not just the car that sets off my colorful language. I am a full-on equal opportunity curser. Perhaps I was born this way. Just ask the school bus driver that I naively called all sorts of vile names when I was a mere 5 years old. All that particular incident required was a wee bit of encouragement by the older kids and I was delightfully spewing every single bad word that was whispered into my ear.

Having my mouth washed out as a child on more than a few occasions did however help me realize that I needed to sensor where and around whom that I swear. Because of this I tend to refrain from using profanity around kids or the elderly, in church or other environments where a certain standard of lady-like decorum is required. In business environments I also tend to err on the side of caution until I suss out the communication styles of the various players.

Because I don’t look like someone who gleefully punctuates my sentences with dirty words, sometimes people are actually shocked as shit to hear me curse. Secretly I kind of delight in this fact. But then if you read my blog with any sort of regularity you probably already figured out that I am in fact the original word perv.

And for those of us who do indulge in the use of four-letter words, we all tend to have at least a word or two that we particularly enjoy using. Mine just so happens to be the EFF word and all its wonderful variations, be they nouns, adjectives or verbs. I find it positively fantabulous that the root of a single word can be so multi-dimensional when it comes to expressing both thoughts, feelings …and for you big pervs, desires!

So, whether you consider the use of expletives to be commonplace, vulgar or outright blasphemous, for me there is nothing quite like getting your cuss on. If you agree please leave your favorite dirty words in the comments section below. Perhaps we can add some of your recommendations to a future addition of Empress Phraseology.

Have an effingtastic week my lovelies!
xo The Empress


  1. The machines at work have become "fuckmonsters". Real dirty drivers in traffic have become "fucknuts". And anything that doesn't go my way, sucks big green donkey dick. That's all I can remember at the moment. :o)

  2. aka "sentence enhancers" as I call them. They make a point pretty thoroughly when you use them but they should be reserved for the most importance of times.

  3. I usually say something like son of a whore's pants (pronounced hoooo-rs ).


  4. @J.Day: Ha! I proclaim thee an honorary word perv!!

    @The Phoenix Rising: And when used in that fashion, those sentence enhancers can be most effective : )

    @Canadianbloggergirl: That is funny and I'll have to remember that one next time I'm stuck in traffic.

  5. I really love to let the curse words fly myself, but people always seem suprised for some reason. I guess I come across as a "lady" with is total bullshit. I work in the office for a trucking company and i'm married to a truck driver. I hear lots of great ones that I take over for myself.

  6. I actually heard the word twatwaffle used on a TV show or was it a movie...the other night. It made me very happy. Lately my favs have been anything that starts with douche. Douche-nozzle being the one I spew the most.
    Word pervs unite!

  7. That's easy. It has always been 'asshole' however I have now changed it up for variety and it's 'fucking asshole'. I love it. I use it and I use it alot. You and I would be great together on a car trip. My mother said I had the mouth of a 'stevador' and a truck driver rolled into one.

  8. I'm partial to 'fuck' as you well know, but I'm not nearly as creative as you are. I stick with the basics, but I tend to string them together like, bitch ass whore, lying ass mother fucker, or son of a bitching whore. Apparently, I'm partial to 'ass', too. I also like ho biscuit, ass clown, and crapity (I actually did make that one up).

    a bitch called mom

  9. There is nothing wrong with four letter words like fuck, shit, piss, cunt, ah hell I could go on all day on the great stuff four letter words are made of.

  10. Fuckin' A (or any of the other letters of the alphabet).
    An Ex-Sailor

  11. @AmberLaShell: Isn't it great when people don't expect you to swear and then when you do they are completely shocked?

    @Jess: Thanks for the recommendations. I'm big on saying cocknozzle. I learned it from Evil Bruce, my honorary King Word Perv.

    @Bouncin' Barb: Stevador is a new one for me. And it is funny to imagine you and I on a road trip: cussing up a storm and perhaps flashing some boobies ; )

    @Mrs. Hyde: You are so humble my friend. Your swearing is an inspiration to me. And ho biscuit will definitely need to go into our special swearing dictionary.

    @Oilfield Trash: Naughty Oily. Shall I wash your mouth out with soap? ; )

    @Poetry of the Day: It is fun isn't it?

  12. my husband has a very colorful way of speaking that he had to learn to curve when our son was born but when no children are around i say let the words free

  13. @becca: And those words are very free around these parts ; )

  14. My mother refers to people as "bitch-face" and "shit-lips". She calls so many people by these names that I'm always asking her "Which shit-lips is it this time? I'm losing track!"

  15. Not my own but I am kinda diggin' Fucktard.

  16. lately i have been fond of the nozzles both fuck and cock...

    i like the tards as well, fuck and shit.

    but mostly i like wordperving fuck into what i call more of a phrase perving...

    bitchweaslecocknozzlefucktardedjizzbucket, aka (stupid palin) and that is if im not too pissed...

    Bruce Johnson JADIP
    Evil Twin
    stupid stuff I see and hear
    The Dreamodeling Guy
    The Guy Book
    The Guy Book

  17. People are always shocked when I swear because apparently I am far too sweet and innocent! It is kind of fun to shock people!

  18. @Chief aka Dad: Too right!

    @Megan: That is funny. Perhaps you can video tape and share with us?

    @Middle Child: That is a great one isn't it?

    @Bruce: And thank you for introducing me to cock nozzle. It has such a nice ring to it! ... You totally rock with the phrase perving : )))))

    @LottieSpartacus: It is isn't it?

  19. If you cannot utter the word F*ck like it was air then I cannot be friends with you! There's a certain joy that comes with saying it...I don't know why....?

  20. I don't swear too often. I save my four letter words for special occasions. Like Lottie, I like the fact that, when I do, it always catches people off guard.

  21. I'm a big fan of the versatile word 'Fuck'. It can be used in countless situation..

    Anger - Fuck you

    Suprise - Ohhh... fuck me

    Give Direction - Fuck off

    Fright - What the fuck was that?

    Denial - Fuck knows..

    And many more.

    I also love the word 'Fanny'. I think in America a fanny is your ass. But over the water here in Scotland it's a word for your furry front bum. So it's a great word for insulting people. My personal favourite is when it is used to insult a guy who is a bit of a girl, and used in conjunction with 'balls'. As in...


  22. For some reason the word "cockwhore" has been an all too frequent visitor in the foyer of my vocabularistic utterings. Egregiously bad drivers in particular get "stupid son of a fucking cockwhore!" This has occasionally earned me the hairy eyeball from my sweeties, who act offended as they exclaim, "Hey! I'm a cockwhore, dammit!"

    I love my sweeties :)

    Light and laughter,

  23. I love to curse. I like to throw cuss words around like confetti on New Year's. My dad captains a riverboat, which makes me the son of a sailor. And I fucking well live up to it. ;)

  24. I think I replaced christmas cards with cuss words. Also I find it stress relieving. Fucking Carry on.

  25. @G: Amen sister!

    @Vinny C: And when you do swear it is immensely enjoyable to witness/read : )

    @Sam: "Oi fanny balls" is hilarious. I might have to borrow that one.

    @Song Coyote: F*cking cockwhore does have a really nice ring to it!

    @Danger Boy: Go sailor boy!!

    @ThePeachy1: OMG, so that is why people stopped sending out Christmas cards?

  26. recently I've been using snowtards a lot.
    Cluster fuck, fucktard, and bitch face round out the group of my personal favorites.

  27. @Jewels: The cold weather will certainly inspire that particular name!

  28. I prefer to use the word "whore" with other adjectives. Like, when my computer fucks up, I like to jump up and flip it off and yell "you dirty fucking bitch of a WHORE!!!" The emphasis is always on the "whore," like when I told my doctor that I think I might be "at risk of warts" because I had sex with "three $20 Mexican WHORES!!!!"

    Doctor wondered why the fuck I was yelling at him....

  29. @Charles: Oh my holy freaking hell! Welcome back my friend. You have been missed. ...I'm still laughing at your whore quote in this comment, which makes me miss you all the more!

  30. People are typically shocked the first time they hear me spew curses or talk about raunchy stuff because I take a while to warm up to people and am very quiet at first. So they assume I'm boring and/or conservative. Also, I was an English major, so people think I'm stuck-up and have some sort of disdain for profanity. Just because I know a lot of words doesn't mean I don't still play favorites.

  31. @Bagel Fairy: And I'm sure it is amusing listening when you are playing favorites with your words!


Comments are welcome and appreciated. You do not have to sign up or give your contact information to be able to comment. Feel free to comment anonymously if you like. Just fill my box up. It makes me so very happy!