Thursday, January 20, 2011

The Big O …times two



By now many of you have probably heard that the The Big O, otherwise known as her highness Oprah Winfrey, has started her own television network. Not too shabby of an accomplishment I must say but certainly not the sort of scintillating or debaucherous news that would keep you my lovelies entertained for very long.

Keeping this in mind I did a little internet trolling and discovered that there just might be a show or at least an eyebrow raising episode on Ms. Winfrey’s network that would pacify your pervy little minds. Here is what I found:

(***WARNING: This post contains lots of naughty talk about SEX. If you find this topic offensive please come back tomorrow or go find yourself a boring little blog about bird watching in the 19th century***)

Anyhoo, there is a show on the Oprah Winfrey Network (OWN) called In the Bedroom with Dr. Laura Berman. The show is about SEX and is hosted by a real, live sex researcher and therapist who makes house calls to help couples faced with intimacy issues.

On January 3, 2011 an episode aired on OWN called Sex and the Laundry Basket. (Yes, that is really the name of the episode and you can click on the link if you want to see the actual video clip lest you think I’m making this shit up. Just watch the first minute and you should be good otherwise keep reading for my word pervy recap.)

Apparently a suburban couple named Steve and Becky are having a little trouble in the bedroom department. It seems that Becky likes to enjoy sexy time with her purple plastic laundry basket and the PPLB is the only thing that can curl her toes and give her a BIG O.

Her poor hubby Steve, otherwise known as Mr. Mom has no choice but to go along with Becky’s naughty little antics. Word has it that Mr. Mom has a really big ding dong which brings discomfort to Becky whenever they are trying to play a round of hide the salami.

Add to the salacious scenario the fact that Mr. Mom likes to head down south and engage in a bit of fur munching. Becky however is not down with the oral stuff and says that it tickles too much for her to enjoy. Poor sexually deprived Becky therefore has to resort to rubbing one out on the underside of her beloved laundry basket because this is the ONLY thing that gets her off.

Now, I don’t know about you, but I can’t decide which is worse, Oprah for allegedly proclaiming that she handpicks each of the shows on her new network and this is the best that she could muster up OR crazy Becky for complaining about having a husband with a big cockadoodledoo that loves to eat cookies OR Steve for agreeing to have his sexual abilities questioned on national television. …I’m just saying

48 comments:

  1. I am open and free and love SEX but I have to say,..this made me gag a little. And I don't even know why.

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  2. I can solve their dilemma in 30 seconds. Mr. Mom puts the basket over his head while he's trying to hide the said salami. Becky will then only focus on the basket and forget it's Mr. Mom and they live happyily ever after O. Can you even believe people? There really are people out there like this too! Ahhh

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  3. I can relate to that, my ex wife could only get off with a vibrator.

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  4. I saw clips of this on Chelsea Lately over the last couple of nights and it is ridiculous! I mean come on...this is television now? She claimed to start her own network because there was nothing of quality on television and she wanted to change that....well there is quite a start. What a joke.

    A laundry basket? Really? She couldn't even spring for a sex toy? Special.

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  5. That is NOT what I expected that show to be. I thought it was going to be that doctor discussing her topics in front of an audience and her only guests would be other therapists and doctors and such...That is just embarrassing all around and I'm disappointed.

    http://theadorkableditzmissteps.blogspot.com/

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  6. @Middle Child: It could be due to the scent of bleach or fabric softener ; )

    @Bouncin' Barb: Crazy huh? Can you imagine the talk at the PTA or soccer field after this one aired?

    @Oilfield Trash: I'm guessing there is a future blog post in store?

    @Jewels: Quality television programming at its finest. Go Oprah!

    @The Adorkable Ditz: I'm sorry to further gross you out. Who is crazy enough to share this kind of stuff on television?

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  7. what iiiiiiii don't understand is:
    1) how did she learn that the laundry basket would get her off? like, did she go through the house experimenting with random objects? "well, the DICtionary (see what i did there?!) did nothing for me, i think i'll try THE LAUNDRY BASKET"?!?!
    2)why would she not just use a dildo or vibrator? i know some people (and by some people i mean ME) are a little embarrassed to use them, but guess what? a laundry basket IS WORSE!

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  8. Hang on... just how exactly does that work? I don't get it. And that doesn't happen very often!

    SD
    TheSimpleDude.com

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  9. bahahahahahahahahahahah!!! OMG! I am sitting here eating rice pudding and I actually had to put it away. LOL! That might very well be one of the best things you've ever written! And where do I sign up to watch this show?!! OMG!!!

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  10. @Jess: She said she figured it out in college when she was doing laundry one day.

    @Simple Dude: She takes the laundry basket, turns it upside down, gets down on all fours and then proceeds to rub her hoo-ha up against the hard rounded corner of the basket.

    The video will give you play by play instructions if you are really curious ; )

    @Cinderita: Rice pudding and creative sex toys do not make for a nice combination. If you click on the link you can find your way to the libary of videos for the show. Or just type OWN into your search engine and click on shows. ENJOY!!

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  11. OH I love Dr. Laura!!!!! She helped me get a little more swagger in my kitty meow meow!! lol...wait, like I ever needed it lol

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  12. well i guess there is always a few nuts in a basket of almost 7 billion, but this is just wrong...

    i could see if mr mom was hung like a retireing
    QB from the vikings... oh, whats his name???

    mr mom needs to take his purple helmet warrior and find a new whisker biscuit to play with..

    or that would be my advice...

    and wierdass basket lover can get a couple more and have herself a foursome!

    f*ing hate that i even heard this shit...i was having an i don't see nuthin stupid day!

    funny post tho! i feel a nasty bout of tourettes coming on!

    Bruce
    bruce johnson jadip
    evilbruce
    stupid stuff i see and hear
    Bruce’s guy book
    the guy book
    Dreamodel Guy
    dreamodeling!

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  13. OMG - I don't WANT instructions on using a laundry basket!! Holy crap. If I EVER get that desperate for a "Big O" please, you permission to just put me out of my misery. I'll stick to the, um, more normal ways of reaching my, um, goal.

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  14. Eww. Give me my hubby anyday and my lelo when required. That is just sad

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  15. Are you sure this wasn't Jerry Springer in a wig?? I just don't understand how people could be THAT desperate for five minutes of fame. Ewwww....

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  16. Tough choice but... As for which is worse I have to go with --> Steve for agreeing to have his sexual abilities questioned on national television. Bad move dude.

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  17. @Falen: But seriously, a laundry basket? ; )

    @Bruce: Glad you enjoyed another round of famewhores who will do anything to get their crazy asses on TV. ...Another round of tourettes? Ooh, can I listen?

    @J.Day: Sorry for the instructions but Simple Dude asked. Then again, we should really blame Oprah for this whole mess making its way to television.

    @Mynx: Sad indeed. Messed up and gross too.

    @On My Soapbox: Ha! Jerry Springer in a wig. I like that. If only...

    @The Restaurant Manager: I'm with you. Steve ruined his reputation big time and is probably the laughing stock of the neighborhood.

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  18. Wow. I've heard of all sorts of things, but this is the first time I've heard Laundry Basket As Sex Toy. The mind boggles.
    Also, Mr Mom just needs a hooker allowance, and all will be well.

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  19. Ah yes, thank you Oprah for bringing us this quality television. You are, indeed, a vessel of God! However, now I have a great new joke gift idea for the girls: fur trimmed, pink laundry baskets! Spenser's can sell them as sexual aids in the back of the store!

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  20. My question: How did they manage to last long enough together to get married? Unless they were the religious type. Then the laundry basket is even worse.

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  21. TOTALLY what Jess said. How did she figure out the laundry basket (dirty, filthy whore) got her off and not say...the coffee maker or an ottoman?

    Also, I'm having a hard time feeling bad for anyone who has a big wanged love machine at her disposal. :)

    I hope Oprah shows a lot more trash. I mean what would we REALLY rather watch, serious discussion on improving sexual relations or watching some insane lady doing it with a purple laundry basket?

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  22. OK...if she'll actually do my laundry while riding the basket...I'll buy her a different one for each day of the week!!!

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  23. @Danger Boy: Who would have thunk? And yes, Mr. Mom DESERVES a hooker allowance.

    @lolamouse: I think you are on to something there with the designer laundry baskets. How crafty are you? Perhaps this could be a new business for you : )

    @Not the Hero: Love your comment!

    @becca: Seriously, where do the find these weirdos willing to do anything just to be on tv?

    @The Vegetable Assassin: I am pissing my pants laughing at your comment, especially the part about the dirty, filthy whore and the big wanged love machine!! ...And to be honest, you have a good point about what makes for more entertaining television.

    @Chief aka Dad: You are in luck my friend! She does do actual laundry with the basket as well as enjoy sexy time with it. Give Oprah a call, I'm sure she can hook you up ; )

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  24. "trying to play a round of hide the salami."

    i love you :)

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  25. On the bright side, this show could actually open up some new prospects for the husband & laundry-freak won't have any more interruptions during her torrid affair with the basket. Win-win.

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  26. Wrong on so many levels... and I WANT one of those laundry baskets. HA!

    Seriously?... Reeeally??... Seriously?

    Seriously.

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  27. Big dicks and proper fur-munchers are in short supply. What the hell is wrong with Becky? I have a few girlfriends who would be more than happy to take Super Schlonged Steve off her hands so that she and her laundry basket can live happily ever after.

    a bitch called mom

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  28. this is wrong on so many levels - clearly she's a basket case.

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  29. @Jumble Mash: Just a bit of word pervy. Glad you enjoyed it!

    @Vinny C: Let's hope so for Steve's sake.

    @StephanieC: I think Lolamouse may consider making a line of designer laundry baskets with dual purposes ; )

    @Mrs. Hyde: I'm with you. Like seriously, what the hell is wrong with that woman?

    @David L Macaulay: In more ways than one!

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  30. Wow. People can be so...um...interesting?

    I don't know why everyone wonders why Steve agreed to do the show. He will always be known as the guy with the very large penis. OF COURSE he wanted that on TV! It's like the perfect advertisement to attract his next wife! "Hi, I have a really big penis and I like to give oral sex. And I'm cute and good with kids." He's probably already remarried to someone much more appreciative.

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  31. I gave you an award over at my blog.

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  32. @Alli: I think the fact that Steve plays Mr. Mom and isn't dominant enough for his unappreciative wife may have helped balance out the fact that he is well endowed. Poor guy!

    @Bouncin' Barb: Why thank you my dear. I am honored by your kindness.

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  33. Empress..I totally understand and that's fine. You can still brag that you got one anyway!! If you've only been blogging 7 months, I am pretty psyched then. I've been at it 5 months. You have a great following.

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  34. @Bouncin' Barb: You are such a sweetheart and please know that I make every effort to put the awards up on my blog over in the Royal Award Whore trophy case on the right hand side of my blog. I owe the following to great readers like you who support and pimp me out. Hugs!

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  35. Weird all the way.. :\ :\

    Love your blog, though... Have a little something on my blog for you.. Come, check it out.. :) :)

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  36. This image is still giving me nightmares. LOL

    P.S. I gave you an award! :o)

    http://omylee.blogspot.com/2011/01/lol-award.html

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  37. Blogger Award! You have been awarded! :)
    http://crazyramblingsofatiredmom.blogspot.com/

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  38. I shouldn't have read this while I was at school. Hahahaha....

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  39. @Pencil Girl: Thanks for stopping by and I will definitely check out your blog.

    @J.Day: It is so bizarre isn't it? And thank you times 100. You are beyond generous with all of the amazing awards you pass on to me.

    @crazy ramblings of a tired mom: THANK YOU! I am honored!!

    @Tiff: For sure. Definitely not something that the kids need to learn about ; )

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  40. Um...wow. That is kind of fascinating and, at the same time, really kind of depressing. Makes you wonder how she originally came up with the idea to use a laundry basket that way.

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  41. OMG...I am here reading this post for Q's contest...and I am DYING! This is hilarious. Mr. Mom has a big ding dong and likes eating cookies...but wifey's stuck on the laundry basket?! Thank you for bringing this to light...I am NEVER going to look at my laundry basket the same!

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  42. Wow! I had no idea they had shows like that on that network. Not sure if I get that channel. That lady should be grateful her man has a big one. If I date a man and discover his thing isn't bigger then my middle finger, it's a deal breaker!

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  43. Wow. First of all, I'm a bit nervous since I saw this show on The Mrs' DVR last night. She has been doing a lot of laundry as of late. Uh, I gotta go.

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  44. @The Reckmonster: Thanks for stopping by. So glad you enjoyed the post. There is plenty more crazy, snarky stuff like this to come. And yes, I wouldn't have believed the story if I hadn't seen the video with my own eyes.

    @Sonia: Thank you for stopping by and chiming in. ...Being a fan of big ding dongs, I definitely hear ya!

    @Thank, Q: It kind of makes you look at household chores in a whole new light huh? ; )

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  45. good post! then and good post now!

    voted for you!

    Bruce and Tucker
    Bruce Johnson JADIP
    Evil Twin
    stupid stuff I see and hear
    The Dreamodeling Guy
    dreamodeling!
    The Guy Book
    The Guy Book

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  46. Too funny. Voted for you, so you owe me a visit. 8-) This really is great. But, of course, as we old-timers know, it's the mind that makes the difference and she's simply found a way to enjoy doing her laundry. (I prefer a good bottle of wine, myself. 8-))

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  47. First time reader here! Loved it! not what I would imagine doing with laundry tme but hey, to each his/her own! LOL!

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