Monday, January 31, 2011

Dollies for Big Boys

Hello my lovelies! In a quest to satisfy your insatiable appetite for all things pervy, I slipped on my silicone sexologist’s coat and went on a research expedition into the weird and wacky world of synthetic love. And yes, I am referring to that crazy alternate universe where people do indeed fornicate with sex dolls.

(***Please Note: This post contains LOTS of sexy talk and naughty references. If your virginal eyeballs are easily offended, stop back by tomorrow or go find yourself a nice little blog on the blasé history of yarn making***)

Now for those of you that are unfamiliar, sex dolls are adult toys that are created in the shape and size of a sexual partner and are basically used for getting one’s rocks off. Dolls generally consist of a face, anatomically correct body plus those all important accessories.

And by accessories, I am referring to various orifices or appendages (vadge, ding dong, pie hole and bunghole) that facilitate sexual stimulation. Said accessories are available vibrating, interchangeable or removable (in the event that one bangs the shit out of their dolly and needs to replace its plastic cock or cookie).

People that are incredibly serious about sex dolls willingly pay US$5,000.00 or more for their highly customized synthetic lovers. While somewhat creepy to imagine, silicone eff-dolls are designed with realistic skin material, real or life-like hair as well as flexible joints that enable the user to get their freak on in a variety of joy inducing positions.

As evidenced in the following video, sex dolls today are amazingly human-like, so much so that their kinky little owners dress them up, talk to them, have relationships with them as well as go to town like donkey kong on their manmade naughty bits:

So whether you think love doll aficionados are sad, sick & twisted, or cool in a freaky sort of way, the one major upside is that the dollies are always available and never talk back!

Happy Monday!
xo The Empress


  1. Dude, I came across this blog where this dude was talking about a "sex robot". I just googled it and the article came up on CNN Tech. "Inventor unveils $7,000 talking sex robot". To each his own I guess. Lot of crazies out there.

  2. I saw a show on HBO(?) about people who were obsessed with their sex dolls. One guy slept with his, bathed it, dressed it, had 'breakfast' with it. Now that is a bit much for me and I'm open minded. This was great.

  3. I would so used a sex doll if they were made for women! I don't get off on "riding", but if they equipped a male doll (preferably one that looks like Vin Diesel) that has one mean kung fu grip and can move his hips like he was mixing a cake I'D BE DOWN TO BUY ONE!

  4. @j-tony: Thanks for stopping by and chiming in. Wow! The synthetic lovin' world is going big timne if CNN Tech is talking about advancements in technology related to this bizarre fetish. ...Not so sure about the talking part though ; )

    @Bouncin' Barb: Cuckoo for coca puffs for sure!

  5. Bahahahahahahaha! You are awesome!

  6. @Falen aka Thundercat: They do make male love dolls complete with a penis and everything. I've also read something about motorized pelvic thrusting options being available as well. You know cake mixing is a must!!! ; )

  7. Man, that first guy in the video. His doll has PURPLE hair!! What a freak!
    Wow, it's like a porno "Weekend At Bernies."

  8. $5000 for a damn sex doll? Hell for that much you could 5 or 6 real women from China and smuggle them into the country.

  9. @Cinderita: Thank you my dear. And why am I not surprised at your happy response to this post?

    @Al Penwasser: Poor Bernie is probably rolling over in his grave.

    @Oilfield Trash: I think you may have a very good point there. However, over in Japan there may be a place or two that rents out the love dollies and a room to do one's special business. Just use it and leave someone else to clean it up!

    @Poetry of the Day: The purple dolly?

  10. Apparently virgin eyeballs or not, my country isn't permitted to let me view that video. Fuckers hulu'd my ass. I had no idea I was in China either! I have seen the Real Doll documentary though so I know of what you speak. :)

    Still I'm off now to proxy server the shit out of it in case I miss something pervy.

  11. hahahha I wouldn't dare spend $$ on a fake when I get the real thing for free! I could understand if you're desperate enough... then again your hand is free also....

  12. I saw the same show that Bouncin' Barb did. I thought I was open-minded until I saw that show. My mind is not THAT open. Anyway, the show (which I couldn't stomach watching in it's entirety) was about men who had "relationships" and relations with these dolls. There is even someone out there who "refreshes" dolls (i.e. cleans them up and replaces worn parts) as his business. I think I need to go take a shower now.

  13. I bought a "real doll" sex doll. I bought the one that can cry if I push a button. I like her to cry a little at the end of it all.

    Does that make me weird?

  14. That is creepy on soooo many levels.

    Looks like he's getting it on with a corpse.

  15. @The Vegetable Assassin: How dare China interfere with your video watching! FYI: The video is strange but nothing x-rated so definitely give it another go.

    @Blunders From 6 foot 2: You know I was thinking the same thing so very good to have a guy's perspective on this matter : )

    @On My Soapbox: Crazy stuff isn't it? Now go scrub yourself with a big cup of brain bleach and you should be good to go.

  16. @Charles: You are delightfully sick and twisted and never cease to amaze with your crazy comments : )

    @The Adorkable Ditz: It probably feels like it too!

  17. It wouldn't show me the video, said it's blocked in my country! ha ha ha

    It's wrong on many levels, yuck yuck yuck!

  18. I want to watch the video but I am a little scared.
    Think I might have to take your word for it lovely empress.
    Just a question tho, do they come with puncture repair kits? Just in case?

  19. it is not for me...very odd...

    wierd, but not as wierd as animal sex. if no one gets hurt, whatever.

    the world is full of lonely and bizzare individuals...

    Bruce Johnson JADIP
    Evil Twin
    stupid stuff I see and hear
    The Dreamodeling Guy
    The Guy Book
    The Guy Book

  20. They had that "davecat" dude (?I think that was a dude?) on TLC's strange addictions. I just don't get it. To each their own I guess...and he isn't hurting me any...but I just find that a little too strange.

  21. You make a good point, rent to own. lol

  22. I guess I can understand the doll not talking back thing. A friend of mine once told me "You're not paying the hooker for the sex, you're paying her to shut up and go away afterwards."
    Me, I like the real thing.

  23. this is feakishly hilarious! "i don't know how to take woman to bed" really? kinda sad... thanks for posting!

  24. I read a Savage Love column (love him!) where a guy wanted advice because his mom was creeped out by his $5000 doll. She was convinced he had "issues" with women and that's why he preferred his doll over actual, living, breathing women. Really, lady? What the hell tipped you off?

    Brilliant, as usual! xoxo

    a bitch called mom

  25. @lyndylou: I'm puzzled that your country would block the video. I never put up any youtube videos that are 18 or older access, not that many of readers wouldn't enjoy them : )
    But so you don't feel left out the video gives a closer look into the relationships the guys have with the dolls and why they have them.

    @Mynx: No need to be scared my dear. And yes, the dolls can be repaired and parts (naughty bits) can be replaced, etc. Although the high-end pricey dolls are made of silicone and much more durable than those novelty blow up dolls.

    @Bruce: You make a good point, sex with animals is fairly disgusting. I don't think I'll be doing research on that topic anytime soon ...unless of course someone requests it!

    @Jewels: Yes, that is the same guy and he seems to take his dolly relationship/marriage very seriously. Uhmazing to say the least!

    @Oilfield Trash: Yes, and far more discreet than having to explain the doll to ones friends or cleaning lady!

    @Danger Boy: Exactly! And seriously, why would anyone one pay for fake when they really can get the real deal for free?

    @Mel: You are so welcome. Glad you enjoyed the little trip into the land of the bizarre!

    @Mrs. Hyde: Isn't it strange that the doll owners can't seem to grasp that it is unusual for one to enter into a relationship (or f*ck) and plastic dolly? xoxo right back at ya!!

  26. $5,000! Wow.

    Great post, Empress. You definitely schooled me in the sex doll department. Although I'm unsure if I ever need to know these things. Nevertheless, I have learned something new today.

  27. This reminds me of an episode of some late night cable sex documentary I saw a few years ago.

    There was a life-like, latex, male sex doll on a chair available for-let's say-"test drives". Anyhow, this woman & her friends came by, she pulled her panties off & took him for a spin, so to speak. She came in like 5 minutes. If I'm remembering correctly (it was a long time ago) she said she was going to buy two.

  28. Couldn't watch the video, apparently Canada is not allowed?

    Anywho, I couldn't imagine getting my rocks off to a doll, but whatever floats someone's boat is their business.


  29. Damn, I still think I'd rather have the $5,000!

    Great blog. Following and supporting.

  30. LOL wow...those relationships have the PERFECT amount of communication.. Hey i just did a new post about how crazy my grandma is.

    Check it Out!

  31. @Jumble Mash: You are welcome although I suppose there are some things that we'd all rather not learn about.

    @Vinny C: Great story!!! I have a feeling that I might be helping to corrupt your gentleman-like demeanor ; )

    @Canadianbloggergirl: Canada won't allow a PG rated video with no sex to be shown? Wow!

    @Leon Smith: Welcome and thanks for the blog love! And I am with you as far as putting that five grand into something else.

    @Jared: Ha! But you aren't trying to tell us something are you? ; )


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