Monday, August 23, 2010

The Spin Crowd spins out of control

Last night the vowel network otherwise known as E! debuted their latest craptacular reality series called ‘The Spin Crowd’. The show is meant to provide a fly-on-the-wall perspective into the supposedly glamorous world of a celebrity public relations firm called Command PR.

The firm is owned by tool head Jonathan Cheban who is reported to be a whiz when it comes to public relations but in reality is a complete failure when it comes to being an effective leader. Thank gawd Jonathan has his vice president, Simon Huck to balance out his beyond shitty managerial skills. They are also joined by four young female eye-candy worker bees named Erika, Katie, Lauren and whatever the hell her name is…

Poor little newbie Erika was chastised and humiliated in front of the entire office for not dressing glamorous enough to meet Jonathan’s unrealistic Hollywood standards. Jonathan being the employee relations nightmare that he is then asked the other girls in the office to stand up and model their outfits for Erika. All three had short, nearly hoo-ha exposing skirts on. Lauren, not to be outdone, also opted for the highly professional bra-less look to round out her ensemble. I’m guessing that when Erika signed on to her fancy PR gig that she never expected she would have to shop for her work wardrobe at Hookers-R-Us.

And as if that weren’t bad enough, Jonathan also decided that Erika’s lips were far too thin for his liking. He proceeded to pressure her into getting creepy lip injections, telling her that he already made the doctor’s appointment and was personally paying for the procedure. Terrified Erika chickened out at the doctor and opted for temporary 2-hour saline injections instead. When Jonathan found out that Erika hadn’t carried out his ridiculous demands, he threw a first rate temper tantrum and told her that she was homely and needed to step it up.

Simon then offered to give Erika a name of an employment lawyer that she could use to sue Jonathan. But being this is Erika’s big chance to make a name for herself in Hollywood, she is determined to stay put and prove to her jackass of a boss that she can succeed by using her brains and not just her looks. Yeah, we’ll see how that goes…

In an effort to give Jonathan the Tyrant a taste of his own medicine, Simon tricked Jonathan into to undergoing a painful fat freezing procedure. At the doctor’s office Simon chipped away at Jonathan’s self esteem and told him that he is actually a ‘skinny fat person’, made fun of his baggy underwear and his love handles, all while he threatened to upload unflattering mid-procedure photos of Jonathan onto the internet.

At this point I started to wonder WTF any of this had to do with public relations.

Finally the team got around to doing some actual PR work that entailed booking a celebrity to host a party for a new brand of self tanner for men. Command PR decided that Mario Lopez would be the perfect celebrity to endorse said product. During the product pitch Mario kindly reminded Jonathan and Simon that ‘being born Mexican, he already had a natural tan going on’. Despite this fact Mario eventually agreed to host the party and the audience was treated to one of Jonathan’s girls chasing Mario around the party and trying to get him to pose shirtless holding a bottle of the self-tanner. But Mario wasn’t having any of that crap… at least not on camera…

And that my lovelies is the whole shebang in a nutshell. Thirty minutes of incredibly ridiculous, brain-cell-killing television programming produced by none other than Executive Producer Kim Kardashian. To which all I can say is, Kim should be ashamed to have her name attached to this effed-up show. Oh, and someone should report Jonathan to the Department of Labor…
I'm just saying...


  1. I won't watch again, either.
    I saw that guy Jonathan on one of the last couple of Khloe and Kourtney take Miami shows and he was visiting Kim as a best friend. He looked like a schlep on that show now he's all into looking's all just segways into segways for new shows. I only started watching Kourtney and Khloe because there was nothing else on at that hour for me, but I actually really like Khloe and Kim because of it and so that got me into The Kardashians and while Bruce needs to stop the Botox madness, he's a great motivational speaker and gives really good advice. He just needs to leave his face alone and age with the dignity he has in all other areas of his life, so it seems to me.
    Anyway...if this is the PR world (back to the new stupid show)in LA, then none of us should ever buy another product ever! I smell cancellation.

  2. BTW- Shame on me for watching this stuff!Should have just curled up with a book and fed my brain instead of bled my fault.

  3. Think this my be another one I will miss if it ever comes my way. Brilliant review Empress.

  4. I love your take on this stuff, and again thanks for watching it so I don't have to. Reality TV is crazy...but somehow I still secretly think my life would be a great one... couldn't be any worse than some of the crap they have on now.

  5. OMG!! this sounds like my sort of show LMAO!! it's just easy watching lol!!
    i may have to give it a look

  6. The first episode, and already the "boss" has pulled out two sue-able offenses- discrimination and sexual harassment.


    This is precisely why I don't have cable. If I want to watch a show, I can find it on the internet. Otherwise, I'd much rather read or play video games. If this is the kind of trash that keeps people entertained, I have highly overestimated the intelligence quotient of the general public.

  7. Ick! Reality TV really has gotten completely out of control, hasn't it? People will watch just about any thing anymore. Good grief!

    Although I will be the first to admit my love for the reality show: "Hell's Kitchen." I just don't think it gets any more entertaining than watching an angry British chef screaming/swearing at other chefs. Funny stuff.

  8. I saw this show advertised on E! and was wondering if it was worth my time. Thanks for making sure i didn't lose 30 minutes of my life!
    Funny u should mention that they had to promote self-tanner...Jonathan recently made a guest appearance on "Kourtney & Khloe" and proudly stated that he had pre-tanned for his Miami visit and that he only ever "fake baked". I can't stand the kid.
    love your rants,
    x P

  9. @G: One can only hope for a cancellation. Personally I have nothing against Kim but just because she's had her own sex tape and regularly goes shopping/fights with her family on camera, doesn't mean that she is meant to be a television producer. I also find it interesting that Kim seems to want to be seen as a powerful woman business mogul and yet she chooses to executive produce a crappy show that objectifies and demeans women....

  10. @Mynx: Thanks. Glad I could help prevent you from wasting your brain cells!

    @The Chick in the Chair Perspective: You are welcome. I'm just trying to do my part by saving one person at a time from shitty reality television programming! Perhaps you should pitch your own show?

    @PrincessBeks: I'm so pleased you are amused. Please let us know if you do end up becoming a regular viewer. Most of us are probably wondering when exactly Jonathan will get sued!

    @Erica: Seriously, where are the employment lawyers? Hopefully this is just scripted and Jonathan isn't that big of a nightmare in real life but even so I can't help but wonder why the production company would think it is a good idea to condone the mistreatment of employees.

    @Candice: Apparently so. I am guilty as charged. But mostly only for blog research. I haven't watched Hells Kitchen but I have witnessed that mad man going all loco on the other chefs!

    @Precious: Thank you so much for your kind words. ...That is too funny that Jonathan says one thing out of one side of his mouth and then has to promote the exact opposite out of the other side. What a slimeball!

  11. Great review! This type of garbage is why I watch the Discovery Chanel.. although.. they are beginning to jump aboard the shit programming express.. *sigh*


  12. May I say, holy effin' crap. I am so glad I stopped in here to get a review of this lame show. Just the fact that a Kardashian produced it is enough evidence for me that it's crap-tv at its finest.

  13. @Pavla: Thanks for stopping by and for your kind words. There are plenty more rants where this one came from so hopefully you will become and official follower of The Ranter's Box. xo

    @Fragrant Liar: I appreciate you chiming in. New readers are always welcome. I'm so glad to know that perhaps I saved you from wasting 30 minutes of your life. I will be sure to check out your blog as well!


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