Monday, August 9, 2010

The scummy world of reality TV lives on with Bachelor Pad

Tonight the reigning mayor of Jerryspringerville, Chris Harrison, presided over the inaugural episode of Bachelor Pad. 19 fame-whoring previous cast members from the Bachelor and Bachelorette franchises were reunited to compete for US$250,000 -- and the chance to once again try and find love (or more like additional face time) in front of the cameras.

The basic premise behind the show is to NOT get voted off during weekly elimination and to ultimately be the last person standing thus winning the coveted quarter million dollar prize. The contestants are divided into two teams based on gender. Each week they compete in some sort of convoluted and sexually charged group competition -- this week it was the children’s game Twister played in bikinis and swim trunks. The winner of the competition is granted immunity from elimination as well as the opportunity to take three of the contestants from the opposing team on a mini-group date. On the date the weekly winner presents one of the men/woman with a rose and thereby grants them with immunity from elimination as well. Blah, blah, blah…

As was to be expected, the producers dug deep to cast the most sleazy, conniving, emotionally unstable, lying, deviant and just plain wackadoodle train wrecks from the world of reality TV. Quite a few of the cast members already knew one another and some of them had previously hooked up which automatically upped the drama factor. Add to that the fact that all the contestants are forced to bunk in the same room, and well I’m sure you can guess where this drama train is headed! Sex, lies, drama, booze, intrigue, crying, emotional blackmail, sabotage, backstabbing, more crying, manipulation -- and this was only the first episode!

When it came elimination time, the first casualty was some don juan major d-bag named Juan who had banged one of the contestants Nikki back in Chicago just so he could have a free place to stay while he was visiting her hometown. The next to go was the majorly psychotic Michelle who locked another female contestant in the bathroom while threatening her with her life. When crazy-ass Michelle was voted off someone appropriately summed it up by saying something like ‘there is no place on a straight jacket for a rose so that girl had to go’.

So there you have it my lovelies. Next time I will fill you in on the runner-up psycho named Elizabeth who is obsessively in love with Jesse ‘Kovacs’ despite the fact that he has made it abundantly clear the feelings aren’t mutual.
Until then, xo.


  1. THAT= Exactly why I don't watch T.V.

    Thanks for the encouragement today Empress- sure was needed!

  2. Sounds just great. Hope we get it here downunder lol. If not, will you keep me updated?

  3. WOW.

    Gonna have to miss it.

    Course, with 3 kids, anything without a cartoon character is pretty off limits at my house these days.

  4. That looks like a horrible TV show.

  5. I've finally figured out how reality TV is so popular. They fill it with so much over-dramatized crap that it makes it impossible not to watch. The Jersey Shore had this effect on me. I couldn't not watch. It was like a train wreck. I started watching out of morbid curiosity and before I knew it, I had watched the entire season online. I am full of shame.

  6. @Corinada: Indeed. This is exactly why I sometimes consider not watching TV, although it does make for an endless supply of blog topics.
    ... And you are most welcome my dear! xo


    @Mynx: I'm glad you enjoyed the recap enough to actually want to watch the show. I'll keep you updated -- I definitely want to see what happens with that crazy bird Elizabeth and her manipulative fixation with Jesse.


    @ Mary A: This one should certainly be off limits for the kids if for nothing other than saving them from learning bad behavior.


    @Display Name: Oh make no bones about it. This is trash TV at its finest. You aren't missing a thing if you choose to steer clear!


    @Erica: My intention was to watch only this first episode so that I could once again take the piss at the cast of crazies on the show but now I too may have to wear that badge of shame. I'm curious to see what happens with some of these deviants ; )

  7. i vaguely remember hearing about this train wreck a little while back and promptly forgot about it. i knew then it wasn't worth precious brain cells, and this synopsis just confirmed it :)

    what happened to good ol' jerry springer as the 'reality tv' that was only on during the work day so i wouldn't have to watch it?

  8. So are you saying I should watch this how so that I can have more shit to make fun of on my blog? or that I shouldn't watch it because it will make my soul bleed?

    seems like it would accomplish both...

  9. @Adam V: Major train wreck! The reality TV fame whores have invaded the planet and are taking over. Chris Harrison appears to be their leader.


    @Charles: Watch if you want to have a steady supply of future blog topics... BUT beware doing so will most likely make your ever so sensitive soul bleed or as least make you want to vomit!

    Also, great job on the guest post at RedMeansGo. Loved it!!

  10. I think your comments and take on the situation are way more entertaining than watching the drama filled show... because well lets face it, that's time you're never gonna get back.I appreciate the fact that you watched and commented. I needed the laugh.

  11. @The Chick in the Chair: Thank you ever so much. It's nice to know that I provided some entertainment and was also able to spare you from having to waste your evening on that drivel!


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