The scummy world of reality TV lives on with Bachelor Pad

Tonight the reigning mayor of Jerryspringerville, Chris Harrison, presided over the inaugural episode of Bachelor Pad. 19 fame-whoring previous cast members from the Bachelor and Bachelorette franchises were reunited to compete for US$250,000 -- and the chance to once again try and find love (or more like additional face time) in front of the cameras.

The basic premise behind the show is to NOT get voted off during weekly elimination and to ultimately be the last person standing thus winning the coveted quarter million dollar prize. The contestants are divided into two teams based on gender. Each week they compete in some sort of convoluted and sexually charged group competition -- this week it was the children’s game Twister played in bikinis and swim trunks. The winner of the competition is granted immunity from elimination as well as the opportunity to take three of the contestants from the opposing team on a mini-group date. On the date the weekly winner presents one of the men/woman with a rose and thereby grants them with immunity from elimination as well. Blah, blah, blah…

As was to be expected, the producers dug deep to cast the most sleazy, conniving, emotionally unstable, lying, deviant and just plain wackadoodle train wrecks from the world of reality TV. Quite a few of the cast members already knew one another and some of them had previously hooked up which automatically upped the drama factor. Add to that the fact that all the contestants are forced to bunk in the same room, and well I’m sure you can guess where this drama train is headed! Sex, lies, drama, booze, intrigue, crying, emotional blackmail, sabotage, backstabbing, more crying, manipulation -- and this was only the first episode!

When it came elimination time, the first casualty was some don juan major d-bag named Juan who had banged one of the contestants Nikki back in Chicago just so he could have a free place to stay while he was visiting her hometown. The next to go was the majorly psychotic Michelle who locked another female contestant in the bathroom while threatening her with her life. When crazy-ass Michelle was voted off someone appropriately summed it up by saying something like ‘there is no place on a straight jacket for a rose so that girl had to go’.

So there you have it my lovelies. Next time I will fill you in on the runner-up psycho named Elizabeth who is obsessively in love with Jesse ‘Kovacs’ despite the fact that he has made it abundantly clear the feelings aren’t mutual.
Until then, xo.