Monday, April 11, 2011

It’s always cocktail hour somewhere



Combine an industrious nature with sheer stupidity and you have one reliable recipe for disaster folks! Good ole boy Dennis LeRoy Anderson of Proctor, Minnesota is known for having a way with engines, a desire for comfort and mobility, and penchant for getting regularly sauced.

Being the clever 60 something year old fella that he is, Dennis came up with the brilliant plan to take his beloved La-Z-Boy recliner and kit it out with nothing less than:

-a Briggs & Stratton engine …as you do!

-a steering wheel, headlights, and power antenna …but of course!

-hot rod racing stickers …‘cause you gots to look cool!

-a stereo …what would a tricked-out ride be without some dope tunes?

-and those ever-important cup holders …so you can take the party with you baby!

Apparently Mr. Ass-for-Brains thought his ride was da bomb, so much so that one night he decided it would be good fun to take his prized converted lounge chair out on the road and down to the local pub …as you do.

Dennis proceeded to consume no less than 8 or 9 cold ones in the bar before heading out. He then strapped himself into his motorized La-Z-Boy, revved up the engine and attempted to drive off -- at which point he lost control of his furniture and crashed bumper car style into a parked Dodge Intrepid.

Shortly thereafter when our champion lounge chair rider was looking around and no doubt wondering WTF had just happened, he was arrested by local police for having a blood alcohol level more than three times the legal limit. Being that Dennis (surprisingly) already had another drunken driving conviction under his belt, there was no sweet talking himself out of this one.

Upon facing the judge he pleaded guilty to driving a recliner under the influence and was sentenced to jail time and a stiff fine. And to ensure the future safety of the public, this dumb arse’s decked-out recliner was also impounded and later put up for police auction.

Now I don’t’ know about you, but I’m thinking we should just go ahead and give this dude an honorary ‘Darwin Award’ because he is obviously swimming in the shallow end of the gene pool, and well, we all know that no good can come of that! …I’m just saying…


Hope you enjoyed this oldie but goodie. Happy Monday my lovelies!

23 comments:

  1. I love that it has a NHRA sticker on it; that right there speaks volumes about Mr. Anderson.

    I'm kinda diggin' the blue racing stripes though...

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  2. This cracked me the hell up.

    Here in Texas you can get a driving under the influence charge from riding a horse while drunk. I know because a friend of mine went to jail for it.

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  3. "Driving a recliner under the influence." This is an official legal charge that people can be convicted of? Wow. It really makes you wonder how many times this has happened. In what subsection of the driving rulebook is this particular charge contained? Hmmm...

    Yeah. I'm worried.

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  4. I was just thinking, had he fatally hit that parked Dodge, he would be a great candidate for the Darwin awards. What a loser. Sure, trick out your furniture all you want, but don't get sloshed and then try to drive it.

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  5. @AbsolutelyPrimed: Hopefully not enough that you would be inspired to go for a ride on his furniture : )

    @Oilfield Trash: Glad you enjoyed this. What exactly was your drunk horse riding friend doing to tip off police officers that he was intoxicated?

    @Candice: The dude had several prior DUI's. Perhaps the local judicial system created that law in honor of the occasion.

    @theTsaritsa: For sure. And the woman he was giving a ride should have known better too!

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  6. I think I dated that guy.... Wait. No. The guy I'm thinking of was a NASCAR fan. So much worse, but still had that chair. ;o]

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  7. The Australian drink driving campaign is "If you drink then drive, you're a bloody idiot". Seems that those drinking and reclining also suffer the same slight. Lucky it wasn't a small child/ a small child's cat and only the side of a car.... Dick. Head.
    xx
    http://corianda-corianda.blogpsot.com

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  8. P.S Empress dear, you don't have to publish this one but can you please tell me how to get that facebook like thingy you have on your page pretty puh-lease with a cherry on top?
    xxx

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  9. LOL! I needed a laugh. Like my three year old says....and yes....he has said it and I have no idea where he got it...I wish I could claim it..."you can't fix stupid". Awesome!

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  10. That is pure American ingenuitity at work there. Wow! haha.

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  11. oh. my. god.

    if it were not motorized it would have been fine. just fine.

    you rock Empress, i loved this post and am still chuckling

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  12. @Heather (aka Sugar Free): Ha! No doubt you put that chair to good use?

    @Corianda: Dick Head, Douche Canoe. Totally befitting monikers for that twat head. ...As for the facebook like box, once you set up your fb fan page there is an administration section where you can get your html code for your like box. Then just add it as a gadget to your blog site. It took me a while to sort it out way back when so good luck!

    @Mamma: No you can't fix stupid that is for sure. And that dude is definitely broken ; )

    @Jewels: So true. Aside from the obvious fact that he is a jackwagon, we should really give him an "A" for effort.

    @Bruce: Glad you enjoyed the post ...just make sure I don't get any reports of you and Tucker out riding around on tricked out furniture.

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  13. Can I be with you to present said Darwin Award? I'll bring the pie that goes in his face. ;o)

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  14. omg too funny and i must say got to give him create for being creative. loved this

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  15. Driving a recliner under the influence? Wow, just when you thought you'd heard it all.

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  16. Hey, the law doesn't take anything sitting down! Groan!

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  17. Now, wait a minute! Have you really thought about this? He motorized his recliner and what would have happened if he drove it while not drunk? He could have arrived at parties totally comfortable and the hostess wouldn't have to worry about finding him a chair... Have you thought this through?... Hmmmm?... Frankly I would prefer he do something for my rocking chair. Do you have his address (I mean, outside of the legal system?)

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  18. What an asshole! He just ruined driving a recliner for the rest of us with irresponsible drinking and lounging/driving!

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  19. @becca: He certainly is an industrious one isn't he?

    @Mrs. Hyde: ...then someone else comes along...

    @SharleneT: I'm sure that he would be able to trick your rocking chair out like there is no tomorrow!

    @Katsidhe: Darn! You weren't planning a lounge chair/booze fest for the weekend were you?

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  20. From a distance, I thought it was one of them thar fancy Japanese toilets.

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  21. @The Adorkable Ditz: It was too crazy of a story to share with new readers or those who might have missed it before. Hope you enjoyed the replay!

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