Thursday, April 28, 2011
How to have fun on Royal Wedding Day
The hoopla surrounding the Royal Wedding has reached an absolute and unbelievable fever pitch. Every media outlet from here to Timbuktu is eagerly providing play-by-play wedding coverage down to the very last glorious detail of the blessed day. Thousands upon thousands of common folk have been camped out for days along the procession route all in hopes of getting a firsthand glimpse of the wedding festivities. Bookmakers have been taking wagers on everything from how long the royal marriage will last to what color knickers the wedding participants will wear.
Quite frankly though, it’s all feeling a bit exclusionary seeing as not all of us received a prized invitation to the so-called event of the century. But never fear my lovelies, you aren’t going to be left out of all the excitement. I, The Empress, have strapped on my royal thinking cap. In doing so I’ve come up with oodles of ways that you too can be a part of this most special and momentous occasion that is otherwise known as The Royal Wedding of Will and Kate.
Please note that I may or may not have consumed copious amounts of vodka cocktails whilst compiling this handy dandy list of fun things to do in honor of the Royal Wedding. You may or may not want to do the same should you so choose to play along. It is totally up to you. But anyhoo, without further adieu let’s get this party started:
THINGS TO DO IN CELEBRATION OF THE ROYAL WEDDING:
• Sleep. When you finally roll out of bed, be sure to enjoy a nice cup of brew in your very own “I couldn’t care less about the Royal Wedding” coffee mug.
• Speak in a fake British accent for the duration of the day. If you are an actual Brit then feel free to divert to pirate speak or another amusing accent of your choosing.
• Swan around town wearing a tiara whilst pretending you are a distant descendant of royalty.
• Insist that everyone who communicates with you refers to you as “Your Royal Highness”.
• Go to the drive through at Burger King or Dairy Queen and insist that you want your free commemorative Royal Wedding meal.
• Attend a fancy shmancy high tea service and don’t forget to taste the coveted spotted dick.
• Have a shot every time the media says the words “Princess Kate”, “fairytale wedding” or “the royal couple”. You are guaranteed to be completely off your trolley by 7:00am.
• Spend some quality time playing with your very own royal jewels.
• Shag whilst using commemorative and highly inappropriate Will and Kate condoms.
• Share this post with your friends and help pimp out The Empress. She is royalty after all.
Happy Royal Wedding Day!
xo The Empress