Thursday, April 21, 2011
Is that a snake in your pants or are you just glad to see me?
If you’ve hung around these parts for a while now then you know that one of the characters I enjoy playing here in the blogosphere is none other than the amazingly bejeweled turban wearing and oh-so-prophetic Madame Ranter’s Box.
Normally the Madame is best known for making snarky but incredibly accurate predictions about those douche canoe celebutards that we all love to hate. However, her mystical talents do actually extend beyond the Hollyhood and into the everyday life of us non-celebutards.
Case in point, earlier this week my psychic meter was going full tilt and completely off the charts. So much so that I didn’t even have to dust off my trusty old crystal ball in order to eerily foresee what was soon to happen. (Insert creepy foreboding music here)
Much to my horror whilst heading down a footpath to the beach I noticed something lying across the pathway. There was a woman several yards ahead of me who was alternately taking photos and screeching like a little girl over whatever it was that was blocking us from passing. In fright I think she might have peed her pants, but who are we to judge?
Anyhoo, I quickly discovered that the source of her freak out was none other than a 3 ½ foot long bad-ass snake that was seriously considering eating either her, me or quite possibly both of us as an afternoon snack. Well, Miss Pee-Pee Pants wasn’t having any of that so she high tailed it out of there all quick like, wet drawers and all.
I was then left all alone with the slithery snake monster. Not good. Not good at all. However, being that nothing is ever going to jack up my lovely quiet time on the beach, I quickly morphed myself into The Snake Whisperer and started doing the best rendition of parseltongue I could muster. Harry Potter himself would have been proud.
And finally after being subjected non-stop to my awesomely convincing special mind powers, snake daddy finally decided to crawl back into the bush and terrorize some poor rabbits. It was only then that I remembered my creepy dream the night before. The one where I dreamed I was out running and had gotten bitten by a snake…
Okay, now that I’ve most likely given you all a serious case of the heebie-jeebies, check out this funny wee gem where all pride goes out the door:
Laughter truly is a universal language!
xo The Empress