Thursday, February 3, 2011
Fashion DON’Ts for Dudes
While I personally know some men with a fantabulous sense of fashion, it is probably fair to say that there are plenty of guys out there that really have positively no clue when it comes to dressing themselves in even the slightest semi-appealing manner. In an effort to help out those poor fashion-challenged blokes, The Ranter’s Box Fashionista is offering up some fairly universal fashion don’ts – as in DO NOT EVER BE SEEN IN PUBLIC WEARING the following:
Socks with Sandals
Wearing sandals accompanied by socks is a completely moronic fashion faux pas. Besides looking ridiculous, socks defeat the whole purpose of allowing ones feet to stay cool. If a man’s feet are so fugly or poorly groomed that he needs to hide them with socks, then he should simply opt for normal, closed-toe shoes… or otherwise risk coming across as a stupid effing dork!
Unless a guy is in his teens, early twenty’s or is an actual real-life rock star, then it is a given that most men cannot effectively pull off this effeminate, incredibly trendy look. Skinny jeans are unflattering on almost everyone and far, far from manly. Chicks like manly. Enough said.
Cropped shirts of any kind are a major fashion disaster. Unless a guy is working as a male stripper then it is best to steer completely clear of this type of tacky attire. Most men do not have the appropriate physique to wear this sort of look. And even if a dude does have a banging bod and is gung ho on showing off his six-pack in a sexy little cropped top, then he is still at risk of looking like one of the Village People or a slimey guido from the Jersey Shore. So just don’t go there!
Holiday sweaters NEVER WERE and will NEVER BE fashionable for a man. Only a frumpy nana who is stuck in the 80’s would dare attempt this huge fashion no-no. So, unless one is aiming to become an absolute laughing stock amongst their mates and ridiculed for life, the only acceptable place for a holiday sweater is inside a wood chipper or at the bottom of a fire pit. Comprende?
Wearing thongs, banana hammocks, sausage slings, budgie smugglers or anything even remotely resembling a speedo in public is just plain wrong on so many levels. Speedos are unflattering on almost all men and no one wants to be forced to see the ‘junk in some dude’s trunks’. Unless a guy is a professional competitive swimmer, then it is best to save this look for private viewing ONLY lest risk coming across as a gross, narcissistic douchey exhibitionist!
Thank you and please don’t let me catch any of you fellas violating these all-important fashion rules or I will be forced to issue you a citation …or possibly even a spanking!