Sunday, March 13, 2011

Hey cock sucker chew on this

So says the poor unfortunate creature that looks like this:



Lest you thinking I’m getting all fancy with the Photoshop, that really is a member of the creepy animal kingdom. It is called a Naked Mole Rat. These freaks of nature live in underground colonies and have one queen mother that is responsible for reproducing more of these penis-like animals with scary fangs.

But if that gross wee cock-headed mole weren't enough, I actually have more in store for you boys and girls. Because I am an incredibly thoughtful and dedicated researcher, I’ve rounded up some additional ugly animals for your viewing displeasure:




Blobfish
This member of the underwater world could basically be mistaken for a giant slimy loogie. What more can I say?




Baby Aardvark
These hairless ant-snorting critters resemble a house elf with a bad hangover. They are native to Africa and generally don’t look much better even after all of their hair grows in.




Philippine Tarsier
This bat/rat/alien mini-monster with long fingers, bulging eyes and vampire teeth can jump an astonishing 10 feet. I’m guessing it’s NOT a good idea to piss them off.




Aye-Aye
These extremely unattractive natives of Madagascar are nearly extinct. Locals believe they are an evil omen and therefore have no qualms about killing them upon sight. I’m not sure whether to be scared or feel sorry.


Anyhoo, that about rounds up our rather disgusting tour of weird animal wonders of the world. Now if you’ll excuse me I need to go find myself a giant bottle of brain bleach to erase what we just looked at…
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32 comments:

  1. NatMarch 13, 2011 at 12:49 PM

    Eeeeks! Those are some seriously scary looking creatures! Nightmares await me tonight....thanks!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Oilfield TrashMarch 13, 2011 at 1:20 PM

    Ha. Those are good. Did you remember the one I posted a while back about the vagina fish??

    http://make-daddy-a-sammich.blogspot.com/2010/11/zoo-porn.html

    ReplyDelete
  3. The EmpressMarch 13, 2011 at 1:26 PM

    @Nat: Sorry to scare you my friend!

    @Oilfield Trash: Yes! I was trying to remember where I saw that hoo-ha fishy. Thanks for the link.

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  4. J.DayMarch 13, 2011 at 2:20 PM

    The blob fish was comical. The tarsier . . . well, now I'm going to have nightmares for a month. And I kinda feel sorry for the aye-aye. Even though it will give me nightmares for yet another month.

    Sleep is over-rated, right?

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  5. that guyMarch 13, 2011 at 2:25 PM

    i hear blob fish are pretty good deep fried...

    and of course, they taste like chicken...

    *drum, drum, cymbal crash*

    ReplyDelete
  6. On My SoapboxMarch 13, 2011 at 2:26 PM

    Maybe those photos should be used in those "stay off drugs" advertisements.

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  7. AnonymousMarch 13, 2011 at 3:16 PM

    Oh those poor creepy little animals. Admittedly the ones that looked like penis made me laugh.

    I'm totally going to go check out OT's vagina fish now...

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  8. VEGMarch 13, 2011 at 3:34 PM

    That first little dude looks like a horror movie penis. :) Couple are getting it on, guy unzips and presents....THAT. AAAAAAGH.

    I'm sorry, I'm fine now.

    ReplyDelete
  9. RebeccaMarch 13, 2011 at 4:01 PM

    those are some seriously scary creatures and yet they are kind of cute even though their Naked

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  10. Al PenwasserMarch 13, 2011 at 4:15 PM

    Yeah, but we have Gary Busey and Amy Winehouse, so I'm thinking it's a wash.

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  11. Tony Van HelsingMarch 13, 2011 at 5:38 PM

    Jesus Christ! You get born as an Aye-Aye and what fucking chance have you got.

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  12. AnonymousMarch 13, 2011 at 6:12 PM

    Bwahahahaha those poor unfortunate creatures!!! That's just wrong. Thanks for the laugh though.

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  13. not displayedMarch 13, 2011 at 6:20 PM

    very cool pics. Poor little things with faces only a mother could love.

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  14. David MacaulayMarch 13, 2011 at 7:11 PM

    boy the top one sort of does look like a nob with teeth -scary

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  15. themajesstyMarch 13, 2011 at 7:31 PM

    Oh. wow.

    These pictures are awesome.

    ReplyDelete
  16. AnonymousMarch 13, 2011 at 7:50 PM

    T_T scared me.

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  17. The EmpressMarch 13, 2011 at 11:23 PM

    @J.Day: Yikes, you mean more of my lovelies have been traumatized by these photos?

    @Bruce: No doubt somewhere in the world they are considered a (gross) delicacy. But lets hope not.

    @On My Soapbox: That is an excellent idea. Then those poor, homely creatures could feel like they have a purpose.

    @AbsolutelyPrimed: Well if I got you to laugh then I did my job today. Yay!

    @The Vegetable Assassin: I'm feeling much better knowing that I'm not the only pervy one that thought that way about the naked mole rat!

    @becca: I'm not surprised that your kind heart would find the beauty in these creatures : )

    @Al Penwasser: ??? I'm confused...

    @Tony Van Helsing: By the near extinction statistics, not much.

    @Jewels: Sad but funny. Glad you enjoyed the post.

    @Mynx: And our lovely becca.

    @David L Macauly: I would totally freak if I ever saw one pop out that looked like that!

    @Lemons Don't Make Lemonade: And they are REAL!

    @The Adorkable Ditz: Sorry you were frightened. here is a big hug!!

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  18. LyndylouMarch 14, 2011 at 2:46 AM

    that blobfish was just too too gross!!!!

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  19. CharlesMarch 14, 2011 at 3:10 AM

    I almost threw up.

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  20. The EmpressMarch 14, 2011 at 3:26 AM

    @lyndylou: Agreed!

    @Charles: Which is completely understandable ; )

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  21. Vinny CMarch 14, 2011 at 6:20 AM

    I think the Tarsier looks so freaked out because he saw his own reflection in the camera lense.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Vinny CMarch 14, 2011 at 6:21 AM

    UGH! Typo. Should have been lens.

    ReplyDelete
  23. THUNDERCATMarch 14, 2011 at 2:57 PM

    The first three animals look like some shit I would actually masturbate with to be honest! The Philippine whatever the hell that is looks EXACTLY LIKE MY UNCLE...WHO IS A CRACK HEAD O.o

    ReplyDelete
  24. Pearson ReportMarch 14, 2011 at 3:47 PM

    It's too bad this comment couldn't be audio - 'cause I am cracking up at these poor little unfortunate critters.

    Not that I'm ever too hard on myself - but after these "cute" little shots - yup there'll be no more bitchin' about a bad hair day!

    Thanks for the usual excellent laugh!
    Jenny

    ReplyDelete
  25. The EmpressMarch 14, 2011 at 3:57 PM

    @Vinny C: Yeah, the tarsier is definitely shock inducing!

    @Thundercat832: Ha! You crack me up. That is some freaky shit. What exactly would you do with the blobfish by the way? I'm just asking for inspiration you know ; )

    @Pearson Report: They are pretty unbelievable aren't they. Glad you enjoyed the post.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Al PenwasserMarch 14, 2011 at 4:42 PM

    Humans have ugly critters, too.

    ReplyDelete
  27. D4March 14, 2011 at 8:26 PM

    I want a naked mole rat and an aye-aye asap. I think I want an aye-aye more though. friggin badassery up in these.

    ReplyDelete
  28. CopyboyMarch 14, 2011 at 8:58 PM

    Yeah I won't be able to sleep tonight.

    ReplyDelete
  29. The EmpressMarch 15, 2011 at 1:44 AM

    @Al Penwasser: Even though I don't like to actually say as much, that is a true statement.

    @D4: Welcome and thanks for the blog love. I'll make sure and put your requests on Santa's list this year!

    @Copyboy: Oh no, please tell me that I haven't scared yet another of my lovelies.

    ReplyDelete
  30. Al PenwasserMarch 16, 2011 at 3:23 PM

    And dem two sure are sum ugly critters......

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  31. The EmpressMarch 17, 2011 at 1:33 AM

    @Al Penwasser: Unfortunately for them, yes.

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  32. BBMarch 18, 2011 at 5:08 PM

    Pretty ugly but they don't scare me as much as that black snake coming in my living did. Oh god I can't get that image out of my head.

    ReplyDelete

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