Thursday, February 10, 2011

What to do when you are bored

Like most people, you are probably fairly familiar with the concept of Bucket Lists. You know, that list of amazing and interesting stuff we’d like to do before we actually kick the ole bucket… i.e. travel around the world, climb a huge and formidable mountain, yada yada yah…

I personally think bucket lists are great and even have one of my own as there are still some pretty major things I would like to do, see or experience during my lifetime. But what about compiling a go-to list of random crazy shit to do just for kicks – or when you are feeling positively bored? Think of it kind of like an ‘Oh, Why the Friggin’ Hell Not’ list.

To assist in getting your creative mind going and/or to further corrupt you, I’ve compiled a list of wackadoodle suggestions to help make your life a bit more interesting. Some of the ideas may require that you not mind potentially making a ginormous jackass of yourself while others will require you to polish your acting skills. Some suggestions might be considered juvenile. Hopefully none of them will get you into any sort of actual trouble. But regardless, all of the suggestions are meant in good fun:

1. Dress up in a sexy police costume and go to Walmart and pretend to arrest random and unsuspecting people for shoplifting.

2. Walk around Sea World with a fishing pole and watch how people react.

3. Go to an ATM machine and shout ‘OMG! I hit the jackpot, I hit the jackpot’ when money comes out of the machine.

4. Visit a crowded public restroom. Once inside the stall burp loudly and then in an equally loud voice say ‘Mmmm ...tasty!

5. Go to the produce section of your local grocery store and secretly make naughty displays with the fruits and vegetables.

6. Ride an elevator of a tall building with your back to the door. When someone gets on the elevator, quickly look over your shoulder and ask them to press the button for a floor that doesn’t exist.

7. Go to McDonalds and when placing an order pretend that you don’t speak English.

8. Visit the local fish and game office and try to apply for a ‘Unicorn Hunting License’.

9. Find and stand in a long line in a store or other public place. Select another person to make feel uncomfortable by staring at them and grinning stupidly. Suddenly and excitedly announce to them ‘I’ve got new socks on’.

10. Sit in your parked car wearing sunglasses and pointing a hair dryer at passing cars, while watching closely to see if drivers slow down.

11. Go to a bar and ask annoying patrons what sex they are. When they answer laugh at them hysterically. If necessary, point at their pants for extra emphasis.

12. When on holiday and having a night-out-on-the-town, dress up and pretend to be someone slightly famous. Sign autographs and take photos with clueless tourists.

13. When shopping at a big box store place weird, random and/or pervy items into the shopping carts of unsuspecting people.

14. Go to the service desk of a library and place a take-out order using your ‘outside voice’. When the librarian tells you that ‘this is the library’ repeat your food order in a whisper.

15. Upon exiting a department store changing room, hand back a large stack of pants and disgustedly announce to the attendant ‘none of these are leak proof’.

16. Follow bookstore patrons around while reading aloud from a Scientology handbook.

17. Go to the drive through of a fast food restaurant and repeatedly order things they don’t have on the menu while insisting that you need to have your order ‘to go’.

18. Call up your cable company and demand that they credit your account because you didn’t get the ‘desired results’ from the adult’s only pay-per-view movie you ordered.

19. Put in a pair of jacked up fake teeth and skip around a shopping mall singing ‘I feel pretty, so pretty’.

20. Go on a major campaign and pimp The Ranter’s Box to all of your friends so that The Empress can become a major star in the blogosphere. I shall be forever grateful!

I would love to hear your suggestions for crazy things to do when you are bored, so feel free to leave your recommendations in the comments section below …and the more outlandish, wild or even pervy, the better!
xo The Empress


  1. Holy hell those are funny. And some great ones as well.

    As I have the flu, all my creative juices are gone so I am just saying you did good with your list.

  2. We watch really bad TV shows and make up our own lines as to what should have been said and done. We can come up with some sick shit!!

  3. you already know I have an idea! I did this in college..but got arrested doing it so be careful!

    (I got this idea from the show jackass)
    Find your way into a friend's trunk of their car
    put duct tape on your face...
    wait for them to stop at a red light...
    jump out and raise hell!

    yeah, the cops waiting at the red light were pissed lol

  4. Walk around Sea World with a fishing pole and watch how people react. <-- Love it!

    #20 - Done via twitter! Hope it helps!

  5. @Oilfield Trash: I am honored that you left your sick bed to read my drivel. Hope you feel better soon. Big bloggy hugs!

    @Bouncin' Barb: Do tell! I think that one calls for a more detailed blog post.

    @Thundercat832: Falen, you are totally crazy girlfriend. I'm guessing if your friend wasn't in on the whole prank that they totally shat their pants. ...On another note, I've had trouble leaving comments on your blog lately. Please know that I'm still reading even if the comments aren't coming through. Hugs!

  6. @The Restaurant Manager: Glad you enjoyed the post. And you are my honorary blog pimp for the day. Thanks for posting me to your 'twatter'!!!

  7. hide in the clothing rack and whisper pick me

  8. Funniest shit I've read in a long time. Laugh out loud funny. These would be things I would do with my grandson Nate. He's cool like that. I've always though about going to thrift shops and buying all the wedding dresses that are your size. Then you just wear them everywhere you go.

  9. 6-9-10-13!!!!!! Still laughing!!!! Love you lots. #9, That'd be Nate.

  10. @becca: Great one ...I may or may not have done this before...

    @Poetry of the Day: Interesting! How is that coming along?

    @middle child: Glad you enjoyed the post. Let me know how it goes when you try out some of these suggestions ...although I feel slightly guilty thinking that perhaps I am corrupting an innocent youngster. ...Love the dress idea by the way!

  11. I'm commenting even before I get past number 1 - I cracked up. What an excellent idea. I'm going to see how I can make this happen - will keep you posted.

    Too funny, now I'm going back to read the rest.

  12. Never going shopping with you unless I am carrying sufficient bail money.
    I will pimp you anytime darling empress. Even let you take over my blog one day if you want

  13. I was laughing so hard I woke hubby up! He wasn't too happy considering he just got home from working a double. I tried to hold it in, but I lost it by #3. He'll get over it. How the hell do you come up with this stuff? I'm definitely doing numbers 9 thru 13.

    a bitch called mom

  14. i will try some of these and i am goin' on a pimping campaign at my Jadip blog

    ...i will start pimping you on stupid stuffi see and hear blog

    as usual this is some funny shit! i always love to see your posts pop up in the reader window!

    while placing you food order in the drive thru, order something and then just start old mac donald or something like that, then drive up to the window and insist they gave you the wrong food.

  15. lol! Empress, there is nothing that I have done in my life that will top your list, however I am soooooo going to do this and report back! My fav was burp loudly in public bathroom and going unicorn hunting.. Oh and going to mcdonalds and talking another language. Thanks for the fun tips!

  16. When I'm bored I like to think up ways to embarrass my mum.Dont worry she's been doing it to me for years!

    I met her for a coffee at starbucks last week, I left before her and on my out I turned and, rather loudly, advised "If that cream doesn't stop that itching you had better go back to the doctors."

    Not very crude, but it is my mother after all!

  17. Is it odd that I've done most of those. I also acted like a handicapped person and asked scary bikers to help me go to the potty. Surprisingly they were nicer to me than the people that you'd think were less scary.

    It's always interesting to see the way people react in a strange scenario.

  18. Is this a re-post? Seems familiar

  19. @Jenny/Pearson Report: Am I starting an avalanche of mischief that will circle the globe?

    @Mynx: Ha! It would be so much fun if we were to go shopping together dressed up as police ladies. Just think of all the trouble we could stir up! ... And thanks for the offer and the continued blog suppport. xo

    @Mrs. Hyde: Please extend my heartfelt apologies to hubby ...but glad you enjoyed it all the same. As for where I come up with this stuff, it must be the little devil sitting on my shoulder ; )

    @Bruce: Thank you my friend. Not only the King of Word Pervs but the mac pimp daddy of blogs as well. I am touched ...and I'm still pissing myself imagining you going through a drive thru singing old mac donald!

    @Lynn/TOAR: I so want a full report of your mischief and mayhem ...and please don't hurt the unicorns ; )

    @Sam: That is hilarious. Your poor mum ...but then again like you indicated, you probably inherited your wicked sense of humor from her!

    @Not the Hero: You definitely get three gold stars in my book if you've actually pulled off any of this shizz, plus another one for pulling one over on the bikers ...who also get a star for being kind to you.

    @Anonymous: Good spotting. It's from the very early days, just slightly tweaked. Thanks for being a loyal reader : )

  20. #13- yes.

    it would also be really, really funny to follow someone around at the grocery store and every time they put something in their carriage, you put it in yours too!!! hahaha! if someone did that to me i would be so paranoid!

  21. # 2. To funny. And I think #'s 11 and 16 might get you in some trouble. I've done # 17 a few times in my day. Great list.

  22. Glad you brought this one up from the vault, I hadn't seen it. And I just snorted coffee through my nose. I may have to try some of these out. :)

  23. I think you just planned my weekend for me.

  24. This would also make a great scavenger hunt sort of list! I'd forward it to my daughter's Girl Scout troop leader, but I don't think she has the right sense of humor. Or any sense of humor. I'll tell you what, I can't wait to go to the grocery store later this afternoon and meddle with the produce!

  25. @Jess: Looking forward to hearing about your next trip to the grocery store!

    @j-tony: You wouldn't know anything about personally getting into trouble doing any of these would you? ; )

    @Danger Boy: I take it that coffee through the nose is a good response to my snarkery? Have fun making your way through the list!

    @Ella: Tee hee! Have a great time and please report back on the outcome.

    @Alli: Ah, fun with fruits and veggies. Please take photos!

  26. #5 and 9 are cracking me up! If I did #10 around here, people would think it was a gun and I would get shot (they're not too bright around here). The rest I would be laughing to hard to carry off.

  27. Totally got a visual of the I feel pretty, so pretty ....and laughed so much it hurt!

    Great post!


  28. OMG these were brilliant.~

    I have to go food shopping this weekend, which I despise, so I think I'll do the veggie and/or random things in other people's carts when I do.

    I'll let you know how it goes!

  29. Hahaha, a lot of good suggestions! I have to say I practie number 4 at least once a month. I have to try going to the library and ask for food, that one made me laugh the hardest.

  30. Those are fantastic! I also have a bucket list which I was planning to post sometime this week as "Before I Die." But, I'm going to wait a while, because they aren't nearly as funny as yours!
    But, there is nudity in mine. Which may explain some things about me.
    Great job!

  31. New follower! Your list is hilarious - I don't think I have the balls to actually do any of them, but I'd love to see footage of others!! Have fun!

  32. I am a new follower from Twitter - I love this list! I would never have the balls to do any of it, but I love that the rest of you do! Funny, funny, funny!

  33. @On My Soapbox: I'm glad you enjoyed this post and please let me know how it goes when you tell someone that you have new socks!

    @Canadianbloggergirl: Yay! I love entertaining my lovelies. It would be so awesome if you would make a video of you skipping through the mall singing the "I feel pretty song". No? ; )

    @Katsidhe: The grocery stores around the world are going to start wondering what is up with all of their produce being rearranged in a naughty way. How cool is that?!

    @bangyourhead: Really? You actually do the burping thing? That is awesome!!!!!

    @Chief aka Dad: I know you like to shop so, did you have fun with the fruits and veggies while you were shopping in the produce department?

    @Al Penwasser: Nudity? Do tell, please! ; )

    @kmcaffee: Thanks for the blog love! It always makes my day to discover new readers. Glad you enjoyed the post. There is plenty more snarkery and insanity to come.

  34. This was just hilarious! I so want to do some of these. Although the bathroom one made me kinda sick so skipping that one.

    The Adorkable Ditz' Missteps

  35. Go into a set of changing rooms, and after a while shout 'Hey! There's no toilet paper'

    How I'd love to be able to get away with some of this stuff. However, I'm about as crazy in public as a decorative stone, I just go about my business and get the hell out of there

  36. 4, 6, 9, and 10 made me catch a cramp in my right side. LOL! "I've got new socks?" LMAO! That's something Seinfeld would say. These were good.

  37. I almost put up a bucket list post as my post too. That would've been interesting. Good luck!

  38. @Thank, Q: Glad you enjoyed the post. Just consider this my way of corrupting the world one reader at a time ...all in a good way of course ; )

    @Michelle: Thanks for stopping by and checking out my blog. Best of luck to you as well! : )

  39. This is not a lie.[I wish it was.]

    My Mom and I were on a military base when her car broke down. We called AAA. ::cue doom music:: They told us an hour until they could get to us.

    No problem. We went to sit in the laundry mat because it was January and it was a lot warmer then a dead car.

    We sat, side by side, for THREE hours watching the dryers go round and round and round.

    About 20 minutes into the second hour we realized that both of us were spinning our heads in unison with the dryer cycles.

    It lasted until AAA showed up.

    I recommend this to anyone that is bored. My Mom and I laughed about this experience for years afterwards.

    Trust. :)


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