Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Let’s talk about SEX baby!



In early October the highly anticipated National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior (NSSHB) hit the presses. Being that I play a somewhat pervy Sexologist in the blogosphere, I was all over that sex study like white on rice.

This special sex study was conducted by Indiana University’s team of highly esteemed sexual health researchers and is reported to be the largest survey EVER of American sexual behaviors. And lucky for us, the Journal of Sexual Medicine was kind enough to provide a link where inquiring minds can access a supplemental issue of the first nine (9) papers of said study. So of course, being the Curious George that I am, I did just that.

Now when I first read that the study provides a description of more than forty (40) combinations of sexual acts that people (age 14-94) perform during so-called ‘sexual events’, I will admit that I was hoping to find a modern day American karma sutra complete with sexy pictures or at the very least some sexual diagrams to ponder over.

What I found instead was about 147 pages of somewhat sanitized and borderline boring academic text, quite a few graphs and lots and lots of footnotes. Not a single inspiring photo of some new fandangled sexual position to try out later on, or any photo for that matter, was to be found. Even so, in the name of research I trudged on ever determined to find some fascinating and juicy tidbits to share and here is what I learned:

• The sexual acts this study is referring to include vadge sex, oral sex, rubbing one out solo, partnered masturbation, and sex up the arse. Or any combination thereof.

• While vaginal intercourse is still the most common sexual activity reported by adults, both men and women rarely engage in just one sexual act when they are getting busy. Sometimes they even forgo intercourse altogether and instead opt for partnered masturbation or good old oral sex …just ask Bill Clinton.

• Men are more likely to blow a nut when sex includes vaginal intercourse. Women on the contrary respond more to variety. They are most likely to orgasm when engaged in a cornucopia of sexual acts and when oral sex and vaginal intercourse is included.

• During their most recent sexual event, nearly 85% of men reported their partner enjoyed the Big-O, whereas only 64% of women reported having an orgasm. Seriously ladies, figure out what curls your toes and then train your partner accordingly …and definitely stop faking it!

• Sex in the keister is most common amongst those in the 20-24 age bracket with 5% of men and 23% of women reporting to have received a penis in the anus over the past year. By contrast 27% of men in the 25-29 age bracket inserted their ding dong into someone’s arse during the past 365 days.

• Adults in the 45-60 and 61+ age brackets have the lowest rates of condom usage, not more than 13.7% tops. This is rather interesting considering most of these people would have grown up in the time of free-love, orgies and Studio 54 -- and should therefore know better than to skip the all-important rubber when playing in the rain.

• Hispanic and African-Americans are far more responsible when it comes to suiting up than white Americans or those from other racial groups. Thank goodness somebody is listening to all those safe sex campaigns …and not because of you stupid Bristol Palin!

• When it comes to oral sex, a respectable 74% of men age 25-29 and 69% of men age 30-39 engaged in fur munching as part of their sexual repertoire. And guys continue eating cookies well into their 70’s with 24% reporting to have done so in the past year.

• By contrast, 74% of women age 20-24 and 76% of women age 25-29 did a bit of knob slobbing in the last year. And big shout out to the 23% of ladies age 60-69 who continue to indulge their men with their special oral tricks. Go you sexy vixens!

And that my lovelies is the hip, condensed and highly inappropriate synopsis of the NSSHB. Hope you enjoyed it!

32 comments:

  1. I love your choice in words, the combination and the images I have in my head of cartoon old people having sex is making me laugh so hard that I am crying!

    http://theadorkableditzmissteps.blogspot.com/

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  2. Wow, the faking it thing blew my mind. Sad.
    To them I say get off or get out. You're missing out in life.

    Good study!

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  3. @The Adorkable Ditz: Glad you enjoy it cause I'm kind of pervy and can't help it. Plus it makes me happy saying 'dirty' things ; )

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    @LilPixi: Too right. Either the ladies are indeed faking it or the guys just aren't doing it right. Either way, somebody is missing out!

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  4. Thanks for the recap...sorry you had to read through the drivel to get to it. I love how our numbers for oral sex go up with age and theirs goes down....tear. :-(

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  5. Thanks for not making me read the whole thing. The condensed version was rather enjoyable.

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  6. Need you to decode all scientific surveys Empress, you do it so well.
    Only wondering if perhaps those of my generation reported not using condoms, are like me, long term relationship and hubby has had the "snip". Then there is menopause to consider too. Once you take away the baby making issue, unless you are still out there playing the field, the condoms tend to rot in the drawer.

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  7. "Vadge" cracked me up. I still say "Bajingo" ala Scrubs or "Vajean" (a juhh sound, like a swoosh lol). Yeah, women need to be more vocal. IT'S OKAY, LADIES! TELL 'EM HOW YOU LIKE IT! There. I did it for them. Hed hed down under

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  8. "knob slobbing" is a scary mental image. It also guaranteed that I'm now following you. Also, we have the same awesome background for our blogs.

    http://dynamicbicycle.blogspot.com/

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  9. "• Adults in the 45-60 and 61+ age brackets have the lowest rates of condom usage, not more that 13.7% tops. This is rather interesting considering most of these people would have grown up in the time of free-love, orgies and Studio 54 -- and should therefore know better than to skip the all-important rubber when playing in the rain."

    True, but consider that more people in this age group are married and would therefore be likely to forgo condoms.

    At the risk of sounding overly dramatic, I think that women who fake orgasms do a disservice to all men AND all women. Obviously, it affects men because it's dishonest to fake it, but it affects women because it encourages a culture of dishonesty - of putting one's sexual satisfaction on the back burner in favor of protecting another's ego. So if a man comes out of one relationship thinking he was pleasing someone and wasn't, and is unable to please the next lover, she's more likely to get blamed.

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  10. @Jewels: Yeah, what is up with that?!

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    @Holly: You are welcome! Glad you enjoyed my unconventional recap ; )

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    @Mynx: I think the researchers are concerned about the lack of condom use for that age group due to the risk for sexually transmitted infections. With the high rate of divorce as well as infidelity condoms are a good idea for everyone.

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    @hed: Glad you enjoyed 'vadge'. In an upcoming post I am going to provide a dictionary of many of the pervy words I use in my various blog posts.

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    @Megan: Woo hoo! I love discovering new readers. You just made my day. As for 'knob slobbing' just consider me a word perv!

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    @Bagel Fairy: Thanks for providing your perspective. I believe the reseachers are concerned by the lack of condom use despite there being a high rate of divorce and infidelity. Many people don't even realize they carry sexually transmitted diseases and pass them on to others unknowingly.

    And you are definitely not being dramatic re: your comments about women faking it. No good comes out of that for anyone involved!

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  11. That was certainly interesting in a non-technical kinda way. The way some people go around banging like there is no tomorrow everybody should always use condoms. You never know who else someone has slept with before they slept with you. Just ask those older women who have been married for years that wake up one day with an STD courtesy of their faithful husband. Of course women can and do the same to their husbands. Be safe people or you'll find yourself wishing that you had been.

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  12. Man you breakdown of facts is incredibly funny!

    CBG
    canadianbloggergirl.blogspot.com

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  13. Thanks for the summary, you've saved me some reading today! I'm beginning to detect a theme this week, by the way...
    I notice though that you don't have stats on how many men fake it... ;)

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  14. I read this survey when it came out...and I have to say that I like your 'spin' on it. ;) Good job!

    Just say NO to fake orgasams, Ladies!

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  15. OMG Your choice of words cracked me up. The bluntness of it all.

    Thanks for the info!!! And I agree...ladies stop fakin it and make your man give you what you need!!

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  16. Good post! I enjoy reading the statistics which I'm never part of lol. I do agree that when SHOULD definitely not fake it...who does that...and all men should read this post and realize we are multi-leveled and it takes more than one act and one position to get us to the big-O! No ONE should be without GOOD oral sex, just saying!

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  17. @Anonymous: First, thank you for being a 'nice' anonymous. Second, I couldn't agree with you more and appreciate you telling it like it is.

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    @Canadianbloggergirl: Why thank you. I try my best to make this kind of stuff interesting for all of my lovely readers.

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    @Danger Boy: Re: a theme, you might be on to something there. Then again this just might be a daily theme for a word perv! ...Good gracious, I hope no man ever has to fake it!

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    @A Redhead Named Sam: I appreciate your kind words, especially since you fully understand what sort of scientific drivel I had to weed through to come up with my version of the study.

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    @Jumble Mash: Thank you, thank you very much. And yes, I am rather blunt ... I love how so reader are on board the 'stop faking it' train!

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    @SSW: Glad you enjoyed the post. Two thumbs up on your oral comment ; )

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  18. I cant get into bootyhole sex...I get tired of doucheing out my ass and getting poked like I'm at the donkey show...plus it hurts so much I cant get into it!

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  19. @Falen: You are hilarious girl! I'm a no-go on that one as well. But(t) to each his own ; )

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  20. Haha I loved how you summarized it. It's not only hip but just plain awesome to read. I think you might be interested in the "pornographic collection" renaissance nobles/popes would collect (one such pope was very notorious for having owned the most lewd and vast collection). And they're not like dirty magazines of today. Instead, they explication positions and such.

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  21. I can't stop laughing! I love the use of terms..and I especially love your use of the word keister. LOL Good job!

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  22. @Pragmatic Spector: I appreciate your kind review of my inappropriate summary. And thank you for the tip on the renaissance "pornographic collection".

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    @Cinderita: Thank you my dear! Keister, keister, keister! : )

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  23. I'm not sure if I want to fuck or eat something after reading this, but either way that's a good thing.

    Wait a second...ages 14-94? NINETY-FOUR? I feel like a boner would kill you at that age. Or maybe it was a woman. Imagine a 94-year-old woman getting slammed from behind by a 94-year-old dude? This is all your fault.

    Also, I'm not gonna be one of those dudes naive enough to admit that I know when a chick is faking, cuz I don't. Not with sex at least. I'd like to think I do but I'm probably clueless. Oral sex is different considering you can feel someone squirt in your mouth though. Love that shit. Fuckin' house it.

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  24. @Danaconda: I am honored by your presence! And that you took time to leave a comment on a Friday no less ; )

    If you can't decide, then just do both. ...Yes, 94! Perhaps they only engage in rubbing one out. Then again, I'm sure horn dogs keep doing it until they can't get it up any longer.

    With you, given your reportedly ginormous man-thingy, I sure the ladies aren't faking it. ...Squirting? Really? Facsinating!

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  25. I am especially excited by the old folk oral sex stats!

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  26. At least I have something to look forward to when I'm older. Or maybe I should hook up with a 70 year old for extra spice?

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  27. @Madame DeFarge: It looks like every age bracket in the study is having a good time so to speak. And yes, if you like your spice aged then I say go for it!

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  28. @Donda: Pretty impressive huh? At to think we thought they were all busy playing shuffle board and bingo!

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  29. Explicit without being crude. WOW. You are talented!

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  30. @Mary A: Thank you so much for your kind words. It is a fine line that I try to carefully balance.

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  31. I'm not sure what I'd do without you. I mean I'd be practically a virgin when it comes to knowledge. Thank god for you, Empress and your vast knowledge of STUFF. And that image I can't erase of 70 year old guys searching for the pearl with their tongue. Thank YOU. :)

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  32. @The Vegetable Assassin: You are most welcome. Although I suspect apologies are in order for the scary senior fur munching image that was evoked? ; )

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