Let’s talk about SEX baby!

In early October the highly anticipated National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior (NSSHB) hit the presses. Being that I play a somewhat pervy Sexologist in the blogosphere, I was all over that sex study like white on rice.

This special sex study was conducted by Indiana University’s team of highly esteemed sexual health researchers and is reported to be the largest survey EVER of American sexual behaviors. And lucky for us, the Journal of Sexual Medicine was kind enough to provide a link where inquiring minds can access a supplemental issue of the first nine (9) papers of said study. So of course, being the Curious George that I am, I did just that.

Now when I first read that the study provides a description of more than forty (40) combinations of sexual acts that people (age 14-94) perform during so-called ‘sexual events’, I will admit that I was hoping to find a modern day American karma sutra complete with sexy pictures or at the very least some sexual diagrams to ponder over.

What I found instead was about 147 pages of somewhat sanitized and borderline boring academic text, quite a few graphs and lots and lots of footnotes. Not a single inspiring photo of some new fandangled sexual position to try out later on, or any photo for that matter, was to be found. Even so, in the name of research I trudged on ever determined to find some fascinating and juicy tidbits to share and here is what I learned:

• The sexual acts this study is referring to include vadge sex, oral sex, rubbing one out solo, partnered masturbation, and sex up the arse. Or any combination thereof.

• While vaginal intercourse is still the most common sexual activity reported by adults, both men and women rarely engage in just one sexual act when they are getting busy. Sometimes they even forgo intercourse altogether and instead opt for partnered masturbation or good old oral sex …just ask Bill Clinton.

• Men are more likely to blow a nut when sex includes vaginal intercourse. Women on the contrary respond more to variety. They are most likely to orgasm when engaged in a cornucopia of sexual acts and when oral sex and vaginal intercourse is included.

• During their most recent sexual event, nearly 85% of men reported their partner enjoyed the Big-O, whereas only 64% of women reported having an orgasm. Seriously ladies, figure out what curls your toes and then train your partner accordingly …and definitely stop faking it!

• Sex in the keister is most common amongst those in the 20-24 age bracket with 5% of men and 23% of women reporting to have received a penis in the anus over the past year. By contrast 27% of men in the 25-29 age bracket inserted their ding dong into someone’s arse during the past 365 days.

• Adults in the 45-60 and 61+ age brackets have the lowest rates of condom usage, not more than 13.7% tops. This is rather interesting considering most of these people would have grown up in the time of free-love, orgies and Studio 54 -- and should therefore know better than to skip the all-important rubber when playing in the rain.

• Hispanic and African-Americans are far more responsible when it comes to suiting up than white Americans or those from other racial groups. Thank goodness somebody is listening to all those safe sex campaigns …and not because of you stupid Bristol Palin!

• When it comes to oral sex, a respectable 74% of men age 25-29 and 69% of men age 30-39 engaged in fur munching as part of their sexual repertoire. And guys continue eating cookies well into their 70’s with 24% reporting to have done so in the past year.

• By contrast, 74% of women age 20-24 and 76% of women age 25-29 did a bit of knob slobbing in the last year. And big shout out to the 23% of ladies age 60-69 who continue to indulge their men with their special oral tricks. Go you sexy vixens!

And that my lovelies is the hip, condensed and highly inappropriate synopsis of the NSSHB. Hope you enjoyed it!