DWTS - What a load of rubbish!

In the grand scheme of things, a reality dancing competition rates fairly low against far more important worldly matters like war and natural disaster. But even so, there is clearly something rather shady going on during this season of Dancing with the Stars (DWTS).

Each week that dull as dirty dishwater Bristol Palin garners low dancing scores and repeatedly lands in the bottom two against the other competitors, yet somehow she magically knocks far more talented and popular participants from the competition.

Granted Bristol isn’t as cringe-worthy when it comes to dancing as that previous gawd-awful nightmare contestant Kate Gosselin, but still Bristol could only be considered a mediocre competitor at best. Her top technical dance performance thus far would only rate about as good as the majority of the other participants’ performances on their very first night of the competition.

When it comes to performing and connecting with the audience, Bristol has been about as interesting as watching paint dry. She expresses no passion and zero emotion both out there on the dance floor and in all those disgustingly contrived video clips of her ‘real’ life. There are even some comedians who regularly take the piss at Bristol’s joke of a stint on DWTS so I know I’m not the only one with this opinion.

And then there is Bristol’s asshat of a mother, Sarah Palin, out there in the audience or in video clips acting like the illiterate hick of a jackwagon that she is. Quite honestly, her unwanted presence totally makes me want to vomit and throw things at the television screen. Someone please make that horrible woman go away!

All in all it seems that this season of DWTS is proving to be about as fair and honest as a crooked election campaign. Reality television production and politics have clearly become bedfellows and frankly I’ve had enough of the nonsense. I’ll be voting with my remote and no longer tuning in to watch Dancing with the Stars … so take that Sarah Palin and you f*ckwit producers!

UPDATE: A man was reported to have actually shot his tv set in anger when he heard the ridiculous news that Bristol had moved on yet again in the competition.

And, did you know that Chelsea Handler refers to Sarah Palin as the Snookie of Politics?

Let’s talk about SEX baby!

In early October the highly anticipated National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior (NSSHB) hit the presses. Being that I play a somewhat pervy Sexologist in the blogosphere, I was all over that sex study like white on rice.

This special sex study was conducted by Indiana University’s team of highly esteemed sexual health researchers and is reported to be the largest survey EVER of American sexual behaviors. And lucky for us, the Journal of Sexual Medicine was kind enough to provide a link where inquiring minds can access a supplemental issue of the first nine (9) papers of said study. So of course, being the Curious George that I am, I did just that.

Now when I first read that the study provides a description of more than forty (40) combinations of sexual acts that people (age 14-94) perform during so-called ‘sexual events’, I will admit that I was hoping to find a modern day American karma sutra complete with sexy pictures or at the very least some sexual diagrams to ponder over.

What I found instead was about 147 pages of somewhat sanitized and borderline boring academic text, quite a few graphs and lots and lots of footnotes. Not a single inspiring photo of some new fandangled sexual position to try out later on, or any photo for that matter, was to be found. Even so, in the name of research I trudged on ever determined to find some fascinating and juicy tidbits to share and here is what I learned:

• The sexual acts this study is referring to include vadge sex, oral sex, rubbing one out solo, partnered masturbation, and sex up the arse. Or any combination thereof.

• While vaginal intercourse is still the most common sexual activity reported by adults, both men and women rarely engage in just one sexual act when they are getting busy. Sometimes they even forgo intercourse altogether and instead opt for partnered masturbation or good old oral sex …just ask Bill Clinton.

• Men are more likely to blow a nut when sex includes vaginal intercourse. Women on the contrary respond more to variety. They are most likely to orgasm when engaged in a cornucopia of sexual acts and when oral sex and vaginal intercourse is included.

• During their most recent sexual event, nearly 85% of men reported their partner enjoyed the Big-O, whereas only 64% of women reported having an orgasm. Seriously ladies, figure out what curls your toes and then train your partner accordingly …and definitely stop faking it!

• Sex in the keister is most common amongst those in the 20-24 age bracket with 5% of men and 23% of women reporting to have received a penis in the anus over the past year. By contrast 27% of men in the 25-29 age bracket inserted their ding dong into someone’s arse during the past 365 days.

• Adults in the 45-60 and 61+ age brackets have the lowest rates of condom usage, not more than 13.7% tops. This is rather interesting considering most of these people would have grown up in the time of free-love, orgies and Studio 54 -- and should therefore know better than to skip the all-important rubber when playing in the rain.

• Hispanic and African-Americans are far more responsible when it comes to suiting up than white Americans or those from other racial groups. Thank goodness somebody is listening to all those safe sex campaigns …and not because of you stupid Bristol Palin!

• When it comes to oral sex, a respectable 74% of men age 25-29 and 69% of men age 30-39 engaged in fur munching as part of their sexual repertoire. And guys continue eating cookies well into their 70’s with 24% reporting to have done so in the past year.

• By contrast, 74% of women age 20-24 and 76% of women age 25-29 did a bit of knob slobbing in the last year. And big shout out to the 23% of ladies age 60-69 who continue to indulge their men with their special oral tricks. Go you sexy vixens!

And that my lovelies is the hip, condensed and highly inappropriate synopsis of the NSSHB. Hope you enjoyed it!

Bristol Palin: Sweet little girl next door extraordinaire

Tonight I almost did not watch the highly touted premier of Dancing With the Stars (DWTS) purely on principle alone. Seriously, the title alone implies that there are indeed actual stars involved in this celebrity dancing competition. Professional athletes, okay. Carol Brady from the cult classic show The Brady Bunch, yeah I’m buying that. But Bristol frickin Palin?

WTF did Bristol ever do that warrants her being invited to star in a celebrity dancing completion? Aside from getting knocked up as a teenager whilst her moronic mother was campaigning as a vice presidential candidate, I can’t say the girl has done anything of significance.

But now she is swanning around like some kind of holier-than-thou virgin who birthed a child via immaculate conception and proudly proclaiming that when it comes to dancing costumes for the show she would “wear the most modest outfits because that it who she is”. Yeah, righty-ho Bristol, whatever you say:




The only thing missing from this rather telling photo is her giant bottle of Captain Morgan’s rum and a shot gun. Oh, and that skanky blonde chick she was caught making out with…

And if that weren’t rich enough, Bristol’s well spun bio lists her as public speaker who earns between US$15,000 and $30,000 per appearance for flapping her gums on women’s, youth and abstinence matters. Yes, you read that correctly. A 19 year old, uneducated teenage mother is allegedly an expert on life matters, so much so that people are willing to shell out big bucks to listen to her yammer.




Perhaps she should stop with all the fame whoring and instead focus on getting her stupid ass a proper education so that she can start setting a decent example for her child. …I’m just saying…