Friday, October 29, 2010

There is no way I’m effing wear that!

Recently I was in line at one of the big box stores and noticed that the crazy lady in front of me was giddy as a school girl over the fact that she was about to purchase her poor canine a ridiculously stupid Halloween costume.

Now I love animals and totally get the fact that our furry little friends often become like members of the family. As such I think it is totally normal to give Fido a cuddle or a special treat. But when it comes to dog strollers, pet bakeries, animal chefs and holiday costumes, well that is an altogether entirely different over-the-freaking-top story.

Animals do not get off being dressed in people costumes and paraded around like little circus freaks for the sole amusement of their insensitive owners. To prove this point here is some highly scientific photographic evidence combined with the amusing intimate thoughts of a few unwilling pets forced to participate in the Halloween antics of their parents:

“I’ve got your ‘Hello Kitty’ bitch!”

“I know Batman is really cool and all …but seriously, WTF?!”

"Oh how you are going to wish you had nine lives after I commence with ripping you a new one!"

"Yeah, I'll show you satan's lap dog you big butt face!"

"Just because you and your fat, lazy ass like to lounge around on the couch wearing a god-awful Snuggie and stuffing your face with Twinkies does not mean that I aspire to the same misfortune!”

“Ha Ha! Very funny. Don’t wonder why I shit all over your bed the next time you leave me home alone.”

So attention all you jackass pet owners out there: Please refrain from thinking that your animal is actually a human being that enjoys being dressed in asinine costumes. They clearly don’t you big stupid morons! ...I'm just saying...

Happy Halloween my lovelies!
xo The Empress


  1. Poor animals. I think we need to teach these owners a serious lesson!

  2. As much as these animals look miserable.. and i am big time animal lover... they are also hilarious.

    And really, isn't amusing us the single most important job a pet has?


  3. @The Adorkable Ditz: Too right!

    @Simple Dude: The photos, my commentary or both are amusing? ...And yes, the amusement factor is one of the joys of being a pet owner, but hopefully not at the expense or discomfort of the pet. Hugs!

  4. It's completely true you know. Every humiliated pet dressed in a "cute" costume, is just sitting it out, waiting for a chance for revenge. It's coming. You just don't know when. But it's coming. Poop in your shoe? Pee on your bed? It's coming. :)

  5. @The Vegetable Assassin: And when it does, it won't be pretty! ; )

  6. HAHA - try working for a pet store and having to listen to those horrible people try costumes on their pets IN the store. You want to rip their throats out. Pets amuse us in so many "natural" ways, we don't need to embarrass the hell out of them.

  7. @J.Day: Thank you for providing your professional opinion re: this subject matter. It is obvious that pets don't enjoy this at all!

  8. Pets do not equal children. But some people just don't get it. I don't dress up my dog or anything insane like that, but I do say, "my dog does that too!" to people who talk about their kids too much to show them that no one gives a shit.

  9. Dear Empress, I'm usually not big on the I WORSHIP YOU SO MUCH MY BRAINS FELL OUT comments, but this post? Well, I worship you so much my brains fell out.

    Or at least ebbed out really, really slowly.

  10. ha ha!! Last xmas i bought my dog a Santa hat with a bell on as a joke, but I think your right about how the animals feel, as no sooner was it on, it was off and chewed up.

  11. We don't have dogs over here, just little people in dog suits - but the pythons are real. One had a crush on me once.
    Enjoyable post.

    Have a nice day, Boonie

  12. @holly: That is funny. Love how you deal with the crazy cat/dog people. I wonder if they get it?

    @Nicki: You are too kind. Glad you enjoyed this!

    @PrincessBeks: At least he told you what he thought : )

    @Boonie S: Just what kind of python are you really referring to? ; )

  13. those animals looks so pissed!!!! Like no lie you can see it on their faces lmfao!

  14. @Falen: Too right, like they would glady chew the face off their owner!

  15. I don't think the jackass pet owners think that their pets are humans. I think that they say, "Hmm, here is a creature that is completely dependent on and subservient to me. I can make that mother fucker do whatever the hell I want! I know! I'll dress his punk ass up like a troll. That'll be some fun shit!"

  16. @Mrs. Hyde: You know that is exactly what they do! And them some poor little pampered rat dog is suddenly sporting a troll costume and is forever traumatized ...and hopefully pissing all over his owners expensive designer shoes every chance he gets ; )

  17. lol, I fully agree. However, I think there is a crime even worse than dressing the dog...

    WTH is the whole "dog in a bag" thing about?! People carrying around their dogs in handbags!

    Firstly, the poor dog probably doesn't want to be stuffed into a bag and then jerked around all over the place.
    Secondly, the dogs are probably fitter than their owners, and can quite happily walk themselves!

    And worst of all, some of these dogs are wearing jackets (is that what they're called?!) that match the bag and or the owners clothes!!

    A dog is a living, breathing animal. It is neither a toy, nor a status symbol.

    Having said all that, the same goes for children, but that is an almost entirely other argument!!

    ((sorry, I seem to rant on your blog a lot. I don't mean any offence by it, just that you have a nack of picking subjects that I also think about on occasion!))

    Awesome post, as always :0)

  18. @DarrenK: Good point regarding the 'purse dogs'. That annoys me as well.

    And rant away my friend! I try to write about things that most people can relate and comments are always welcome.

  19. But Empress! They're so cute!! See Color Me Katie's blog...



Comments are welcome and appreciated. You do not have to sign up or give your contact information to be able to comment. Feel free to comment anonymously if you like. Just fill my box up. It makes me so very happy!