If truth be told, I am so not a fan of the whole bothersome dating process. Now don’t get me wrong. I love men. I love talking to men. I love spending time with men. And I especially love flirting with men. But given the choice I would much rather special order my future husband and have him delivered by courier to my front door step -- and be done with that messy dating business once and for all.
To me dating is the equivalent of going to the dentist office. It’s a horribly unpleasant yet necessary evil that one must endure lest one end up as a creepy old cat lady with a mouth full of rotten teeth. Not a prospect that I would welcome at all. But even so, some while back I decided to go on a major dating hiatus …until such point that I meet someone that I might actually want to keep around for awhile.
Sure I miss the thought of romance and all the deliciously wonderful things that go along with it, but after hearing all the dating war stories from my single friends, it makes me kind of glad that I decided to take a break.
So, as someone who is now out of the proverbial dating loop, I still can’t help but ask what the eff is up with all the texting? How in the world are two people supposed to form any sort of meaningful connection if their primary (or sometimes only) form of communication is done electronically in 160 characters or less? Seriously, whatever happened to picking up a telephone (that device that sends those text messages) and having a genuine spoken conversation?
And call me an old fashioned nana, but what in the world ever happened to actual dates? By dates I mean those things that involve a guy calling a woman ahead of time and asking her if she would like to go to a nice dinner, a fun movie or even just out for drinks.
Has dating become so transactional that the process has been reduced to nothing more than late night booty calls? Nowadays it seems that all a player has to do is text a ‘hookup’ request to his chick du jour and she’ll roll right up like the pizza delivery girl all piping hot and ready to go.
Now when exactly did guys like that decide it’s okay to treat women so disrespectfully? Because clearly it is not okay to treat women like that. And when exactly did women start letting men treat them as if they were a drive-thru? All those chicks that are out there playing hoochie on wheels are only helping to further perpetuate the problem. Because clearly those ‘booty callers’ are getting a whole lot of yeses or they wouldn’t keep asking.
And not to sound like I’m joining the scary cat lady 'player hater brigade’ but to me it seems like the sad little world of dating has become a rather shady and meaningless place to be. Which is rather unfortunate being as I’m currently on the hunt for a serious B.O.N.’ing …I’m just saying…
So glad I am out of that scene and long time married. Just the thought is enough to stay that way too. Good luck with finding a guy who will treat you the way you deserve-special :)
ReplyDeleteYeah the whole booty call thing has never really interested me. Sounds weird coming from a guy I bet. But they don't serve much of a point beyond the instant gratification.
ReplyDeleteI wrote this on another blog recently.. it surprises me that there are as many happily involved people in the world when dating can be such a monster pain in the ass!
SD
http://simpledudecomplexworld.blogspot.com/
Very well said. I am with you here all the way. Dating is now downgraded by people who just can't stay into one serious relationship.
ReplyDeleteI've never had a takeaway. I always preferred to eat out. But now I'm married my wife gives me plenty of hot meals at home.
ReplyDeleteI don't suppose any of that's any help to you. Where should we post the cats to?
Have a nice day, Boonie
OMG I know exactly what you mean. I went on a series of very bad first dates that usually ended with the guy wanting to come back to my place (because you KNOW they still live with their momma). I made a rule while I was dating that if the guy even mentioned sex before the 3rd date...he was gone. So...I went on about 10 FIRST dates. I was about to give up, but there was one more fix up I had to go on. I told my BFF that it would be my last fix up b/c I was sick of it.
ReplyDeleteThat's when I met my now boyfriend. He didn't even mention sex until I brought it up about two months after we started officially dating. I'm so glad I stuck to my rule, because he is amazing and I'm pretty sure we are going to get married one day :)
Sorry for the long comment.
I agree with you 100%. Dating is like it's own special circle of Hell. I wind up in a dating hiatus without even knowing it. Seriously. And I would use Fed Ex to have your pre-ordered husband delivered - their slogan is "the world on time" so he should be on your doorstep by 10:30 the next morning! :o)
ReplyDeletehttp://omylee.blogspot.com
I feel like there is an exceptionally large market for Scary Cat Lady Player Hater Brigade buttons.
ReplyDeleteOr maybe just a DOWN WITH BOOTY CALLS sticker set. I'd be all over that crap.
Dating is a bloody nightmare, and I feel your pain. I would rather have a Drano enema than ever have to set foot back in that camp again...
ReplyDeleteI agree whole heartedly with your opinion of the dating scene. Thank god I am happily married and out of it. It seems to me that the young people out there...because I am thirty and so old :)...are not looking for commitment. Dating is no longer what it used to be. And part of it is because of the advancement of technology, why set up a date when you can just text someone or go on Facebook to see what they are doing? Lame. As far as the girls and the booty calls go, I went through a period of sluttiness before meeting my current husband. And I feel it was a necessary sluttiness. When I wasn't looking for anything was when it found me.
ReplyDeleteI hope you get B.O.N.ed soon <3
Jess
Fantastic. Thank you for this. I've been wondering the same thing myself lately. My last love, he and I texted all the time. It was different in the beginning because we worked together and so we saw eachother everyday 17-18 hours a day...so we could spend actual quality time together..but then...we got into the texting..and it stayed that way. email and text. and i love him..but it's certainly not anything meaningful when it's, as you said..160 characters. I love the romance and the face to face. a good morning text always brightens my day, but a visit and a smile makes it more so.
ReplyDelete@Mynx: Thanks. That is a lovely sentiment.
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@Simple Dude: Yes, total thumbs down on the whole booty call thing.
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@Novie: Thanks! Perhaps people today have short attention spans and want instant gratification.
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@Boonie S: I'm pleased to hear you are enjoying your hot meals at home. ...Please tell me you aren't encouraging me to become an actual cat lady? ; )
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@Jumble Mash: I guess sometimes you have to kiss a lot of frogs first. So glad to hear you found your prince!
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@J.Day: Special circle of hell? That's funny! ...I'll be on the lookout for that special delivery today.
@Nicki: Great suggestion! If someone can design those buttons and stickers that would be awesome.
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@Molly Malone: Drano enema? Yikes! But I'm laughing all the same ...It is fairly pain free though when you don't participate.
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@Me, Myself and I: I agree that technology plays a large part in the dismal state of dating today. ...There is nothing wrong with going through a 'test drive' phase when you are younger but when people live in that test drive phase full time then it is a bit of a worry.
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@CInderita: Thanks! Yes, texting seems to make communicating so impersonal. While a few sweet OR naughty texts are sent here and there then it is fun. When electronic communication starts to take over though, not so much.
Don't settle for the trash that other girls turn men into ;). Finding the right one is hard for that reason, especially because you want someone that is better than that. As long as your not one of those girls, then you will find someone who is good enough for you.
ReplyDelete@Phoenix: Yes, it is definitely best to stay out of that whole 'trash' zone. I'm happily single until such point that I meet someone special. No settling here that is for certain! ...This post is more a reflection of the dating war stories I hear from various friends out there slogging away in the dating world.
ReplyDeleteI love this post! I have been guilty of being alright with being a "meals on wheels" as I refer to it. Sometimes it's all I have time or patience for...relationships are work and I already have a job. I totally understand where you are coming from though and have recently put a stop to any "special deliveries".
ReplyDeleteAs for texting, again I completely agree. I am guilty of using it when I don't have time for a full 2 hour conversation but want to touch base with somebody...but it is never acceptable for a guy trying to date me. Friends, sure. Family, sure. A boyfriend, not having it!
Hey, I tagged you in one of my posts. You can check it out. Thanks! Here's the link: http://justanotheravenue.blogspot.com/2010/09/i-was-tagged-i-tagged-you-too.html
ReplyDeleteAmen sister! I couldn't have said it better myself
ReplyDeleteI found my men by being slutty. In college I was known to "go on the prowl" on weekends, though usually this amounted to no more than kissing because I'm not THAT slutty.
ReplyDeleteOne night I posted a hookup ad on Craigslist during a bad dry spell, and after sifting through all the nasty e-mails with dick pictures in them I found one written by a guy who seemed fairly decent. He ended up being a great person - we dated for a year and we are still good friends even post-breakup.
Then I found my current guy, who asked me out at work, during another dry spell when I wasn't really seeking anything. I guess what people say about finding love when you're not looking is true.
So, basically, what you need to do to go on successful dates is to be slutty and wander around seemingly un-desirous of ass, and he'll come find you. Or, at least, it worked for me.
@Jewels: Meals on Wheels? That is hilarious! It sounds like you knew just what you wanted and were merely being efficient. Props to you for owning it! ...I agree, dating should be a text free zone unless it is used strictly for flirting or sending the occasional naughty message.
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@Novie: I'll definitely check out the link. Thanks my dear!
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@Miranda: Thanks! I just call it like I see it or hear it. : )
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@Bagel Fairy: Funny! Slutty and yet not interested in doing the wild thing makes for an interesting combination. Like the saying goes, a watched pot never boils.
Now when exactly did guys like that decide it’s okay to treat women so disrespectfully? << When women decided it was OK to let them. Nothing in this world happens that you do not allow. I have a 19 year old daughter and she says dates are creepy and is a slave to her text machine!
ReplyDelete@Donda: I couldn't agree more. We teach people how to treat us. As for creepy dates, booty calls and text only communications, it's best not to ever let that shit happen to begin with.
ReplyDeletei am so thankful i am out of the dating game all together.
ReplyDeletehttp://becca-mycrazystuff.blogspot.com/
@Becca: Thank you for the blog love! I love logging on and discovering new readers. Have a great day!
ReplyDeleteSeems like you've had most unpleasant dating experiences!! Personally I have had great success dating; only have dated two women. I am still with the second one; over two years and things are only getting better! I am disheartened when women put "MEN" or "GUYS" in one giant shoe box and hate on it but 9 times out of 10 I AGREE WITH YOU LADIES!!
ReplyDeleteI'm gonna go out on a lonely ass limb here and say that I prefer texting because I don't like talking to people. Talking on the phone takes up too much of my time. I don't even like to talk to my kids unless it's absolutely necessary.
ReplyDeleteI'm not in the dating scene, so anyone who wants to hear my actual voice must have a justifiable reason for it. But send me a text first to tell me you'll be calling. Otherwise, I won't answer the phone.
P.S. Did you see my nod to you on BW's blog?
@Christoph: Actually I've been pretty fortunate when it comes to relationships. This post is based on observations I have made regarding the dating world of today and what I know many people are 'having' to deal with. Personally there is no way I would put up with any of that shit! So don't you worry your handsome head that The Empress is being mistreated.
ReplyDeleteAnd I agree that it isn't fair when women put men into 'one giant shoe box'. If men are misbehaving shame on them but at the same time if women are letting men get away with it, then shame on them as well! It's all about accountability. Hugs!
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@A Bitch Called Mom: I get it. It's all about efficiency right? ...Yes, thank you so much for the nod over at Bitchy Waiter. xo
Things would be much easier for women if they had a chaperone who would interviewer prospective dates, inform them of the ground rules and explain the penalties for breaking them. I used to perform this service for a female acrobat I knew in my circus days.
ReplyDelete@Gorilla Bananas: You just might have yourself a business idea there! I think sometimes the hardest thing for woman to understand is the penalties for breaking ground rules.
ReplyDeleteTexting drives me crazy even when it is from my own friends. If you want to have a whole conversation, please pick up the phone and call! As for dating today .... well there isn't enough space in this comment section!
ReplyDelete@Dysfunktional: I have a couple friends who send entire 'books' of texts instead of just picking up the phone. Like you, I am so not a fan of this. ...Ha! Re: dating comments.
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