Thursday, November 18, 2010

Blow and make a wish!




Dear Birthday Fairy,

This past year I have been very good and hope you will take this into consideration when you are granting my birthday wishes. I’ve really been working on directing my snarky barbs only towards extremely stupid human behavior and well-deserving fame whore celebutards.

I have also managed to reduce the number of times I royally cuss out jackass customer service agents to only about once a month which is a major improvement over this time last year. And while I could always work on improving the amount of times I hurl abusive curse words at f*ckwit bad drivers, perhaps we could make that a goal for next year.

Anyhow, I would like to respectfully request the following wishes for my birthday:

• One ginormous and incredibly decadent chocolate birthday cake;
• An endless round of yummy celebratory birthday cocktails;
• A weekend supply of vicodin to help knock my effing insomnia into next week;
• One gorgeous and ridiculously expensive new designer handbag;
• A fun, wild and crazy night out on the town that doesn’t involve being arrested;
• A much needed two-week tropical vacation to a beautiful high-end luxury resort;
• One hot and sexy man slave to use at my naughty discretion;
• And to finally get B.O.N’ed by the Blogger powers that be!

Thank you in advance for your consideration and for all of these lovely wishes that you are able to make come true for me.

Yours respectfully,
The Empress

33 comments:

  1. Happy birthday beautiful lady. May all your birthday wishes come true. Esp the BONing. Hugs & smooches

    ReplyDelete
  2. The vicodin sounds good.

    And I am not hot and sexy but I do make a good slave. lol

    ReplyDelete
  3. I hope all your wishes come true, love!

    And I have done decided that if they try to BON me now, they can shove it up their BONhole! If they come knockin' I'll send 'em your way.

    But seriously, wishing you all the best - and many more to come.

    ReplyDelete
  4. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! Scorpio, huh? No wonder I love you! And nothing is better than cake and vodka!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Oh and Happy Birthday.

    And a Scorpio huh?

    ReplyDelete
  6. @Mynx: Thanks my dear! Definitely feeling the love today and it feels great! xo

    ---------------
    @Oilfield Trash: Do you think I would be able to handle you and all of your perviness? Even though I am indeed a naughty Scorpio ; )

    --------------
    @Rabbit: Why thank you so much my friend. Hope you have a lovely rest of the week. XOXO

    --------------
    @Donda: So we are zodiac twins? Here is to cake and vodka ... oh and big ding dongs ;
    Big hugs!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Happy Birthday, Empress! Here's hoping that all of your wishes come true! :)

    ReplyDelete
  8. I am pretty sure you could. My Scorpio ex-wife handled it. lol

    ReplyDelete
  9. Happy Birthday! I hope that birthday fairy gives you everything you want! You deserve it!
    Jess

    ReplyDelete
  10. Hooray! A fellow Scorpio.

    OH MY GOSH! I'm GETTING YOU A UNICORN And a cake made out of lollipops!! HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!! May your day be filled with fairies sprinkling you with dust!!

    ReplyDelete
  11. I've decided that my life's goal is to get onto the BONing committee just so I can be part of the moronic process that is picking blogs out of a giant virtual hat. Or ass hat to be more precise.

    Happy B-Day!

    SD

    ReplyDelete
  12. Happy Birthday and may all your wishes come true

    ReplyDelete
  13. Happy birthday!

    I hope you get BON'ed

    http://theadorkableditzmissteps.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
  14. Happy birrfday. I hope you get B.O.N.'d good and hard.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Happy birf-day!

    I really want to go on the tropical vacation with you. When you find a love slave, see if he has an equally hot brother.

    ReplyDelete
  16. @Candice: Thank you my dear! With all this bloggy love I can't help but have a wonderful day.

    ---------------
    @Oilfield Trash: Scorpio ex-wife huh?

    --------------
    @Me, Myself and I: Thanks Jess. I appreciate the kind words.

    --------------
    @Nat: Why thank you!

    --------------
    @Cinderita: Leave it to a fellow Scorpio to make the b-day wishes extravagant. Yay for unicorns, lollipops and fairy dust : )

    --------------
    @Simple Dude: The BON'ing committee is proving to be rather useless isn't it? Maybe we should all decide not to join their club. Then again I want to be famous like Annah.

    Thanks for the birthday wishes my friend!

    --------------
    @becca: Here is to ALL our wishes coming true!

    --------------
    @The Adorkable Ditz: Double merci!

    --------------
    @Bagel Fairy: That sounds naughty. I think I like it... a lot!

    --------------
    @Opto-Mom: Thank you! And yes, we can definitely order up a couple hot brothers for my bloggy sisters to enjoy as well ; )

    ReplyDelete
  17. Happy Happy Birthday!

    Cheers to expensive handbags (if they are on sale and a super good bargain), getting boned and getting BON'ed!

    ReplyDelete
  18. Happy Happy Birthday.

    I know it's horrible but everytime somebody said they "hoped you got BON'd" I kept reading "Hope you get boned".
    *slaps myself on the back of the hand* naughty Jewels!

    That being said...I hope your birthday was wonderful and that you get all your heart desires for.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Happy, happy birthday! I can help you with numbers 1(I'm an awesome baker), 3 (I know a guy), and 7 (don't ask, just enjoy). Still willing to help you get BON'ed!

    ReplyDelete
  20. happy birthday! I too hope that you get all your birthday wishes fulfilled especially the hot sexy slave man, I think that is exactly what every birthday woman needs!

    ReplyDelete
  21. Happy Birthday, Empress! Hope you get all you wished for!! :o)

    ReplyDelete
  22. @StephanieC: Thank you! And yes, it is even better when the designer purse is on sale.

    ---------------
    @Jewels: Ha! I'm guessing that is exactly what some of my bloggy friends are meaning. Thanks for the kind wishes.

    ---------------
    @Mrs. Hyde: Thank you so much! How about a vicodin laced chocolate birthday cake shaped like a massive ding dong, served by one super sexy man slave? xo

    --------------
    @SSW: Amen to that sister!And many thanks.

    --------------
    @J.Day: Why thanks a bunch!

    ReplyDelete
  23. SORRY IM LATE!!!!!! Happy birthday mama! I wanna see some drunk pics and trust me I won't judge lol xoxox

    ReplyDelete
  24. Yeah happy cake day birthday girl! Hope it's a big, moist one you can put your whole head in. :)

    ReplyDelete
  25. @Falen aka Thundercat832: Thanks for the birthday wishes my friend! I always do my best to ensure there is no evidence. Big hugs!!!

    ---------------
    @The Vegetable Assassin: Why thank you! The whole cake thing sounds a bit pervy. I think I like it! ; )

    ReplyDelete
  26. I'm too polite to ask if you got all your birthday wishes.....but hope you have a good time all the same.

    ReplyDelete
  27. I hope you got everything you wished for! Sound like all reasonable requests :)

    ReplyDelete
  28. Happy Belated Birthday, Rant Box Rebel-Empress of the Blogging World!
    I'm a few days late it seems, but life got in my way! I hope you had a great birthday and thanks for keeping us all laughing around here and shaking our heads in agreement with all your reporting of the absurdities out there! Love you, G!

    ReplyDelete
  29. Hey Empress!

    I always drop by your blog, although I haven't been commenting lately. Just started work and all. Anyway, happy birthday (I know it's late, but it's the thought that counts right?)! I hope you get the very good BON'ing that you truly deserve soon. :-)

    http://ficklecattle.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
  30. @Madame DeFarge: Thank you and yes, several of my wishes did come true : )

    -------------
    @Jumble Mash: Why thank you bunches!!

    -------------
    @G: The world is a treasure trove of blog inspiration. Just those f*cwits in the hollyhood alone could keep my busy for decades. xo

    -------------
    @Fickle Cattle: Welcome back my friend. Thank you so much for the kind words. Hope the new job is a great one. Hugs!

    ReplyDelete
  31. Happy Belated Birthday my fellow Scorpio woman. Mine was the 13th and the big 50. I think the birthday fairy lost my letter because I didn't get anything that I asked for. What's up with that? Hope you had a great one.

    ReplyDelete
  32. @Bouncin' Barb: Happy Birthday to you as well my fellow Scorpio! Thanks for the kind wishes : )

    ReplyDelete

Comments are welcome and appreciated. You do not have to sign up or give your contact information to be able to comment. Feel free to comment anonymously if you like. Just fill my box up. It makes me so very happy!