Wednesday, May 4, 2011

The Tweedles are back

Once again I have subjected myself to the insanity that is otherwise known as home maintenance repairs. Historically this type of service work has turned out rather poorly, so much so that I actually banned any and all maintenance workers from my current home. However, once the need for repairs started to mount I was forced to recall the dastardly source of my maintenance aggravation: THE TWEEDLES. They are back and lord only knows how this chapter will turn out. I promise to keep you posted but in the meantime here is an unfortunate account of my last experience with Tweedledee, Tweedledum and Tweedledumber:

The property in which I reside decided they would finally replace my leaky refrigerator and shitty stove that they should have replaced six months ago and prior to me moving in. But better late than never I suppose. Now I'll finally to be able to bake delicious cookies whilst dancing around in my lovely underwear and tiara …and not have said cookies disappointingly come out of the oven all burned around the edges and raw in the middle.

Anyhow, what should have been a relatively simple process that involved removing the old wonky appliances and replacing them with bright, shiny new appliances turned into a majorly convoluted production. All while the entire contents of my refrigerator and freezer sat in my kitchen sink and got hotter than a whore cranking it in 98% humidity.

I should have known that things weren’t going to go quite according to plan when Tweedledee, the first maintenance technician showed up 30 minutes late for our scheduled appointment and was completely empty-handed. Nary a refrigerator or stove in sight. Tweedledee mumbled something about having to return to his maintenance shop and smoke a joint. And despite my suggesting that upon his departure perhaps he might want to consider taking away one of the defective appliances, he thought otherwise and left as empty-handed as when he arrived.

45 minutes later Tweedledee came back with Tweedledum (maintenance technician #2). Not a fricking appliance in sight. And neither of them had the protective booties their employer requires them to wear on their shoes when working inside tenants’ homes. Tweedledee and Tweedledum decided they should go back to their maintenance shop, get their protective foot coverings, take a few more bong hits, and then upon returning bring up the appliances they had so stupidly left downstairs in the parking garage.

45 minutes more go by and Tweedledee and Tweedledum showed up with Tweedledumber (maintenance technician #3). Somehow by the grace of gawd they actually managed to bring a refrigerator with them but didn’t take into account that they would have to remove the old broken one before the new one could be installed.

It was at that point I started to seriously wonder how in the effing hell any of those shit-for-brains dimwits could actually get themselves dressed and out of the house in the morning…

But after much trial and tribulation the Tweedles somehow managed to install my new refrigerator. The joy however was short-lived when I realized the refrigerator and freezer doors were installed on the wrong side thus rendering access to said appliance virtually impossible.

Tweedledee, Tweedledum and Tweedledumber decided amongst themselves that they would have to return yet again to the maintenance shop. This time to drink a few beers, text their girlfriends, and possibly get the necessary tools required to switch the appliance doors. Yes, that is correct. Out of three maintenance technicians, not a single one of them had the foresight to bring along any tools necessary for an appliance installation.

30 minutes later the useless pack of jackasses came back with the appropriate tools and proceeded amongst themselves to struggle for another 30 minutes trying to get the appliance doors removed.

Finally, three hours into the whole maddening debacle, the incredibly moronic Tweedles finally completed the refrigerator swap. I then had the great displeasure of having to project manage their stupid and stoned asses while they attempted to replace my stove…


Happy Hump Day my lovelies,
xo The Empress


  1. Oh wow, there sure are some dumbasses in the world.

  2. I'm so thankful I never had to deal with any Tweedles in all my apartment living. I did have to deal with non-english speaking maintenance workers - which was super fun because all that consists of my high school Spanish is "Hi my name is -" and "Where are the bathrooms?" Neither would help me speak to them about the AIR CONDITIONER.

    While I'm very sorry you have to deal with the aggravation of the Tweedles, I'm looking forward to the blog-worthy material they provide. ;o)

  3. @Oilfield Trash: Award winning dumbasses for sure!

    @J.Day: No doubt there will be plenty to report on. A weeks worth of alleged planning by the maintenance manager and the Tweedles showed up without necessary parts, made something worse than when they started, and decided that someone else could deal with whatever they didn't want to be bothered fixing. Looks like several more visits before the work is completed. YAY!

  4. What a bunch of idiots. Hopefully you got them fired.

  5. I have a friend who built a house from scratch. Her builder hung a door on the wrong side, so it opens into the door frame...and therefore doesn't open at all. They haven't come back to fix it, so her partner just took the whole door off its hinges!

  6. Even with what's left of brain cells X 3, you still are at 0. That's really bad news. Sounds like the guys we had at our old condo complex in Charleston. One to say huh? One to say OK. One to say we'll see what we can do. Morons. And they have jobs while smart people are still out of work. You have the patience of a saint Empress. Hugs.

  7. Because you have nothing better to do that sit around and wait for their sorry asses to actually do their job, right? lol OMG what losers they are!

  8. Hell, make them bring the bong with them. Then you can at least toke up so they don't stress you out.

  9. Bloody Hell, are you sure they actually worked for the company? They sound some random blokes who just happened to turn up.

  10. Wow. Now, if they have to screw in a lightbulb, prepare for hilarity.

    I'm hoping they're not charging you for all these pit-stops they're taking.

    Wow... just wow.

  11. Oh man. Sometimes the stupidity of people amaze me. It's the worst when you have to take an entire day off of work to sit around and watch these idiots be idiots. LAME!

  12. f*cktarded guys like that should have been killed at conception, because it makes the rest of the guys that do maintenance for a living look stupid by ass- o-ciation.

    but i cant wait for those yummy cookies!

  13. wow does the stupidity never end. i guess it's true a vaccine for that has not been invented yet. so sorry you are having to deal with jackass hugs

  14. WOW! Now that's an experience!! I really hate when things break in my house. I hate to fix them but I hate trusting other people to come in and screw it up worse than I would!

  15. @Anonymous: They definitely should be fired.

    @LottieSpartacus: Thanks for stopping by. We haven't had you around these parts for a while now. ...How is it that someone gets a builders license yet they can't manage to hang a door?

    @Bouncin' Barb: I was thinking the same thing about people being out of work and yet the Tweedles somehow manage to remain gainfully employed since they last effed up my home.

    @J.Day: Obviously they work on island time and a one day project has now turned into several more visits by those twats.

    @Danger Boy: Excellent idea, but then I would catch their cooties ; )

    @Tony Van Helsing: Oh, they definitely work for the property. I was even assigned the property manager's very own maintenance person. Rather frightening huh? The rent covers the maintenance work, but speaking of lights I have yet to find out how many Tweedles it takes to screw in a light bulb. This is because they forgot to order my replacement light fixture a week ago.

    @Sara: Exactly. And the Tweedles seem to have a hard time comprehending the fact that I have to just that. There is no way I would let those jackwagons in my house when I wasn't home. I'm lucky they haven't burned the place down while I've been there...

    @Bruce: Too right. The Tweedles are an absolute disgrace to men who actually know how to fix things. ...Cookies for you anytime my friend!

    @bBecca: I love you idea for a vaccine to cure stupidity. Please let me know when it is formulated because there is a never-ending stream of jackwagons I would love to stab with one of those needles. Hugs to you too!

    @The Restaurant Manager: I hear ya!

  16. Wow. How effin stupid can people get? I don't see my maintenance people. They come when I'm gone. Plus they're kinda creepy....

  17. I'm astonished at the fact that dumbasses like that are allowed to live! SMH till I pop a stitch in my hair weave! lol

  18. @Laynee: I learned my lesson about leaving workers alone in my home years ago when I walked in and discovered one of them had been rifling through my lingerie.

    @Thundercat: Let me know how much I owe you for the weave repair. Hugs!

  19. Talk about some major losers. They must cost your community alot of money with all the things they break. This is a good example of why people shouldn't do drugs.

  20. Wow. That's ugly. There's nothing worse than someone that doesn't care trying to do something for you. I can't stand it when people just take their own sweet time as if you have nothing better to do. For the life of me, I don't get people who half do everything. I've had jobs that I totally despised, but when I got to work, I busted my tail to do a great job because I had pride in my work if nothing else. Idiots.

  21. Maybe they get paid by the hour.... It's still difficult to imagine how people can be so friggin' dumb, yet we see it every day!

  22. least you'll get a hilarious blog post out of it. In the meantime, smoke one of their joints and try not to strangle any of them.

  23. @MADHAPY: I see a drug PSA in the making!

    @Thank,Q: Lazy idiots are the absolute worst.

    @On My Soapbox: The Tweedles are dumber than a box of rocks.

    @Mrs. Hyde: They are an endless source of blog fodder and I will do my best not to strangle them, although I can't guarantee that at least one of them won't get tossed over the balcony ; )


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