Wednesday, May 4, 2011
The Tweedles are back
Once again I have subjected myself to the insanity that is otherwise known as home maintenance repairs. Historically this type of service work has turned out rather poorly, so much so that I actually banned any and all maintenance workers from my current home. However, once the need for repairs started to mount I was forced to recall the dastardly source of my maintenance aggravation: THE TWEEDLES. They are back and lord only knows how this chapter will turn out. I promise to keep you posted but in the meantime here is an unfortunate account of my last experience with Tweedledee, Tweedledum and Tweedledumber:
The property in which I reside decided they would finally replace my leaky refrigerator and shitty stove that they should have replaced six months ago and prior to me moving in. But better late than never I suppose. Now I'll finally to be able to bake delicious cookies whilst dancing around in my lovely underwear and tiara …and not have said cookies disappointingly come out of the oven all burned around the edges and raw in the middle.
Anyhow, what should have been a relatively simple process that involved removing the old wonky appliances and replacing them with bright, shiny new appliances turned into a majorly convoluted production. All while the entire contents of my refrigerator and freezer sat in my kitchen sink and got hotter than a whore cranking it in 98% humidity.
I should have known that things weren’t going to go quite according to plan when Tweedledee, the first maintenance technician showed up 30 minutes late for our scheduled appointment and was completely empty-handed. Nary a refrigerator or stove in sight. Tweedledee mumbled something about having to return to his maintenance shop and smoke a joint. And despite my suggesting that upon his departure perhaps he might want to consider taking away one of the defective appliances, he thought otherwise and left as empty-handed as when he arrived.
45 minutes later Tweedledee came back with Tweedledum (maintenance technician #2). Not a fricking appliance in sight. And neither of them had the protective booties their employer requires them to wear on their shoes when working inside tenants’ homes. Tweedledee and Tweedledum decided they should go back to their maintenance shop, get their protective foot coverings, take a few more bong hits, and then upon returning bring up the appliances they had so stupidly left downstairs in the parking garage.
45 minutes more go by and Tweedledee and Tweedledum showed up with Tweedledumber (maintenance technician #3). Somehow by the grace of gawd they actually managed to bring a refrigerator with them but didn’t take into account that they would have to remove the old broken one before the new one could be installed.
It was at that point I started to seriously wonder how in the effing hell any of those shit-for-brains dimwits could actually get themselves dressed and out of the house in the morning…
But after much trial and tribulation the Tweedles somehow managed to install my new refrigerator. The joy however was short-lived when I realized the refrigerator and freezer doors were installed on the wrong side thus rendering access to said appliance virtually impossible.
Tweedledee, Tweedledum and Tweedledumber decided amongst themselves that they would have to return yet again to the maintenance shop. This time to drink a few beers, text their girlfriends, and possibly get the necessary tools required to switch the appliance doors. Yes, that is correct. Out of three maintenance technicians, not a single one of them had the foresight to bring along any tools necessary for an appliance installation.
30 minutes later the useless pack of jackasses came back with the appropriate tools and proceeded amongst themselves to struggle for another 30 minutes trying to get the appliance doors removed.
Finally, three hours into the whole maddening debacle, the incredibly moronic Tweedles finally completed the refrigerator swap. I then had the great displeasure of having to project manage their stupid and stoned asses while they attempted to replace my stove…
AND NOW THEY'RE BACK TO WREAK MORE HAVOC!
Happy Hump Day my lovelies,
xo The Empress