Monday, May 23, 2011

Lock up your men or my boobies will eat them!

Let me preface this post by stating that I do NOT condone messing around with someone else’s partner, cheating, or any other type of related behavior that most people would consider inappropriate. I have the utmost respect for a couple’s relationship whether they are married, engaged, seriously dating, shacking up, out on a date, or what have you.

With that being said, it is incredibly off-putting to encounter an obviously insecure woman who reacts in public as if someone else were intending to be all sneaky and try and steal her man. The phenomena to which I’m referring happens at the airport, in line at the big box stores, at the movies, in restaurants, or just about anywhere one might encounter couples out together.

If an insecure female is out with her man and another woman happens to be anywhere in the general vicinity, suddenly said female will start behaving in an inappropriately affectionate way towards her man. And by inappropriate I mean hanging all over her man, kissing his neck, rubbing her boobies or hoo-ha up on him, or even attempting a full-on make out session.

The interesting thing here is that most women who are subjected to this sort of behavior DON'T run around in skimpy little tight t-shirts emblazoned with the words ‘Man Eater’ on their tits all whilst casting wanton come hither looks at unavailable men. I know I definitely do not.

Most of the time we’re just off in our own little world innocently trying to get in and out of a store as quickly as possible when suddenly we’ll hear gross slurping noises behind us. When we turn around to investigate the source of vulgarity, we’ll catch some dude not-so-slyly checking us out whilst his desperate girlfriend is trying to give him huge hickeys anyplace she can land them.

Surprisingly this type of crap also happens when we’re publically accompanied by a man. One time while out on a rather un-enjoyable dinner date, I was trying to politely find a way to get home ASAP so I could instead watch re-runs of government hearings on CSPAN or color coordinate my sock drawer. Unfortunately my attention was diverted away from my escape plans by some creepy married guy at the next table who kept staring at me. His wife cottoned on pretty quickly to his wandering eye. She then responded in the trashiest of fashion by deep kissing and dry humping her man right in the middle of the restaurant, prompting me to want to vomit all over both of their nasty asses…

Taking all of this into account, the entire situation is pretty pathetic if you ask me. I’m not interested in anyone else’s man and neither are any of the other women who fall victim to this sort of nonsense. And we’re especially not keen on any guy that has to be kept on a short leash because he is prone to sniffing around at ladies other than his own.

So attention all you pathetic little insecure females: The problem isn’t US. The problem is YOU and your lack of self-confidence, not to mention your very poor choice in male partners. Now please go work on your self-esteem issues and stop acting like a cat in heat every time you and your jackwagon of a man are in the vicinity of another woman. It’s incredibly disgusting and sad.

Happy Monday my lovelies!
xo The Empress


  1. word.

    (Sorry, not a comment of the week, but you hit it on the head. I have nothing to add to this)


  2. I could not have said this any better myself.

  3. Hey men our the dogs of the blogosphere. Though just so you know I've never stared at an HNT.

  4. I'll take 'word' : )

    @Oilfield Trash: Thanks my friend.

    @Copyboy: I happen to love men and find that most of them aren't dogs. Please advise on the meaning of HNT.

  5. You got THAT right. I always want to tell them I'm no threat, I'm not interested in playing in their sandbox but then they'd just get all pissy about that ... cuz you're insulting their man or something.

    Well yes sweetie, if he'd screw around on you he's NOT good enough for me ... duh. I have higher standards than that.

    Some of them need to be informed that there's a difference between a show of public affection and soft porn.

  6. way to go Empress see i'm the oppisite i'm alway tryong to find some chick to take my hubby off my hands but no one ever wants to take me up on the

  7. It's sad (and maybe a little pathetic) that my wife has never done this to me. Personally, I think she would just say, "You can have him if you want him."

  8. When I go out with Bruce, I dress up. Shorter skirts, nice tops, make up and I have long wavy/curly hair. Whenever we meet another couple, I always get the "look" from the woman. I dress how I'm comfortable and I know Bruce loves it. But if you're man can't stop making it obvious that he's drooling, he's an ass. There is a discreet way to check out others. We are human right? Men are dogs and so are girls/women like you described to the T.

  9. @Mustang Sally: Amen. Over-the-top PDA by insecure women is nasty!

    @Becca: Tee hee! : )

    @Al Penwasser: But with your very sexy hat in your profile picture, why would she want to share you with anyone? Seriously, I'm sure it is just because she is happy and confident in the relationship you two share.

    @Bouncin' Barb: Just because you dress to feel good about yourself and to make your man happy (who you are out with) doesn't give any women the right to give you the stink eye. While it is true that SOME men are dogs, I think the women who choose to be with them are jackasses!

  10. Insecure people sure do make a lot of problems for the rest of us. Ugh, I wish they'd just get a self-help book and get it over with!

  11. Can you say 'no comment' on a comment? You've said it all. They just look ridiculous. Have a great day, yourself.

  12. I do not understand women like that and when I see them I feel like telling them to get the money and find a secluded area to take care of business if they continue where they are they may get arressted I of course do not say that although I have been know to tell them to get a grip he isn't that good looking.

    Barb if you want to dress nice and hot for Bruce you should be able to do so with getting that look, I have had that look myself and when I do I replie to it with the comment don't I look good and of course the bitches have no comeback........

  13. They really need to get over themselves.
    One of the many things I love about Wifefish is that she'll point the hot ones out to me if I miss them. She knows I'm not going anywhere.

  14. @theTsaritsa: A book is an excellent suggestion!

    @SharleneT: Can I hear an amen, lady?

    @Jo-Anne Rambling: I love that you say something to those women!!

    @Danger Boy: You both obviously have it good. Happy couples are a great thing : )

  15. Sad. Just sad. I'm don't understand people with PDA issues. It's as if they're so insecure with their relationship that they need proof that it exists. It's ridiculous. And responding to some stranger just because you feel threatened is the ultimate sign of someone who needs a hug.

  16. Insecure males *and* females are so annoying! I think that's where a lot of psychos and control freaks come from....

  17. ZEBRAS ON MY GRASS!! The boob monster.
    I died laughing a little.

    And totes agreed on the post. :3

  18. @Thank Q: Well said. Although I think those overly gropey chicks are looking for a bit more than a hug ; )

    @On My Soapbox: Too right!

    @PeaceLoveandSharpies: Thanks so much for stopping by and chiming in. If I can bring a little laughter to someone's day then I feel I've done something productive : )

  19. Haha well said. :)


    Check out my blog at:

  20. Remember the famous Seinfeld episode..."it's not YOU its ME"?
    Well in this instant you are so right with it's not ME it's YOU!
    Yes, lacking self-esteem is the worst thing for anyone, especially a woman in this day and age.

  21. OMG this shit happens to me all the time! I'm not even "all that"! I think it's because I have a huge ass lol

    Shit like this has even hurt my tips at work! The insecure bitch will walk by and snatch my tip! Wtf! I don't flirt! Half the time their man looks like Flavor Flav! Eww! ...and they still hate on me!

    I even have a man of my own! Insecurity stinks like a lost thong in the strip club!

    May 26, 2011 6:27 AM

  22. @D-503: Thanks for the blog love! It always makes my day to discover new readers. I'll definitely stop by and visit you as well.

    @G: Too right sister!

    @Thundercat832: That is because you are hot and know how to work it. Even so, it does suck donkey balls when it happens.

  23. Yup those kind of people are quite sickening in my opinion.


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