Lock up your men or my boobies will eat them!

Let me preface this post by stating that I do NOT condone messing around with someone else’s partner, cheating, or any other type of related behavior that most people would consider inappropriate. I have the utmost respect for a couple’s relationship whether they are married, engaged, seriously dating, shacking up, out on a date, or what have you.

With that being said, it is incredibly off-putting to encounter an obviously insecure woman who reacts in public as if someone else were intending to be all sneaky and try and steal her man. The phenomena to which I’m referring happens at the airport, in line at the big box stores, at the movies, in restaurants, or just about anywhere one might encounter couples out together.

If an insecure female is out with her man and another woman happens to be anywhere in the general vicinity, suddenly said female will start behaving in an inappropriately affectionate way towards her man. And by inappropriate I mean hanging all over her man, kissing his neck, rubbing her boobies or hoo-ha up on him, or even attempting a full-on make out session.

The interesting thing here is that most women who are subjected to this sort of behavior DON'T run around in skimpy little tight t-shirts emblazoned with the words ‘Man Eater’ on their tits all whilst casting wanton come hither looks at unavailable men. I know I definitely do not.

Most of the time we’re just off in our own little world innocently trying to get in and out of a store as quickly as possible when suddenly we’ll hear gross slurping noises behind us. When we turn around to investigate the source of vulgarity, we’ll catch some dude not-so-slyly checking us out whilst his desperate girlfriend is trying to give him huge hickeys anyplace she can land them.

Surprisingly this type of crap also happens when we’re publically accompanied by a man. One time while out on a rather un-enjoyable dinner date, I was trying to politely find a way to get home ASAP so I could instead watch re-runs of government hearings on CSPAN or color coordinate my sock drawer. Unfortunately my attention was diverted away from my escape plans by some creepy married guy at the next table who kept staring at me. His wife cottoned on pretty quickly to his wandering eye. She then responded in the trashiest of fashion by deep kissing and dry humping her man right in the middle of the restaurant, prompting me to want to vomit all over both of their nasty asses…

Taking all of this into account, the entire situation is pretty pathetic if you ask me. I’m not interested in anyone else’s man and neither are any of the other women who fall victim to this sort of nonsense. And we’re especially not keen on any guy that has to be kept on a short leash because he is prone to sniffing around at ladies other than his own.

So attention all you pathetic little insecure females: The problem isn’t US. The problem is YOU and your lack of self-confidence, not to mention your very poor choice in male partners. Now please go work on your self-esteem issues and stop acting like a cat in heat every time you and your jackwagon of a man are in the vicinity of another woman. It’s incredibly disgusting and sad.


Happy Monday my lovelies!
xo The Empress