From Tattoo Barbie to Pregnant Barbie, the line of Barbie products that totally FAIL continues to grow. And by ‘grow’ I mean quite literally. Case in point, check out this video featuring Barbie’s previously less-endowed little sister Skipper:
Just what every insecure, flat-chested little girl needs to make her feel like she needs to run right out to the local cosmetic surgeon and buy herself a brand new set of ta-ta’s the very second that she is old enough to do so!
Happy Monday and have a fantabulous week my lovelies!
xo The Empress
Oh lord it just never stops with the stupidity around the world. Just damn. First the stuffed bras and bikinis to this shit.
ReplyDeleteThat just ranks on a whole new level of dumb.
ReplyDeleteI've invented crack whore Barbie, she's kneeling front of Ken while he's holding a ten dollar bill.
ReplyDelete/facepalm
ReplyDeleteThat's all I got today.
Damn, if I could twist a girl's arm and watch her boobs grow, there would be WAY more dislocated shoulder cases at the local clinic!!
ReplyDeleteLadies, I apologize for that comment. But hehehe...
Interesting how you mention the word "BOOBS" and the gents come out in droves ; )
ReplyDelete@Oilfield Trash: Seriously. And if my niece asks for one of these dolls for Christmas I'm going to go down to Mattel headquarters and go kung-fu on their asses!
@Vinny C: Too right!
@Tony Van Helsing: Does she come with her very own jizz rag too?
@Danger Boy: This Barbie does leave on a bit speechless eh?
@Lost.in.Idaho: AWESOME comment! I may have to repost it!!!
Barbie always made me feel inadequate.
ReplyDeleteHey have you seen ken? No walk in the park for us either.
ReplyDeleteAnd if you turn her other arm, she grows a tramp stamp, starts smoking, and hangs out with sailors.
ReplyDeleteI have two girls and a boy. I hope the girls don't see this and start asking questions, and I hope the boy doesn't see it and start twisting the girls arms at pre-school.
ReplyDeleteI noticed the same thing about the guys too Empress. Love they were first in with the comments.
ReplyDeleteMissed that particular Barbie doll, thank goodness. I can just imgine myself and my friends swinging our arms around to ry to get our boobs to grow lol
Again, another batch of comments from the fellas. Very interesting! I'll have to have posts dedicated to "Fun Bags" often ; )
ReplyDeleteMy jaw dropped.
ReplyDeleteBTW, I found that Barbie has her own channel on satellite, too. Accidentally came across it when I first got mine up and running and surfing to see what I had. I was appalled.
Oh, another BTW, I've started a second blog, kind of more anonymous, if you'd be so kind as to follow - if you'd like. Apparently if you copy and paste it, it'll take your unsuspecting self to some religious website, but if you type it in, it should take you to me. :o)
http://omylee2.blogspot.com
@The Tsaritsa: Her measurements defy anything humanly possible so don't feel bad. Besides Falen told us all in her latest 'reality show' post that you have a spectacular booty ; )
ReplyDelete@Copyboy: I'm looking at my Ken doll right now (don't ask) and the dude is completely empty in the nether region. What Ken doll do you have?
@Al Penwasser: I believe you have 'Barbie Grows Boobs' confused with "Barbie McSlutty". It's an easy mistake to make.
@j-tony: If your boy does start twisting arms then you should definitely send a complaint letter to Mattel referencing little Skipper gets a tit job.
@Mynx: Too right about the guys! And yes, that would be hilarious to see a group of women swinging their arms round and round all in hopes of growing bigger boobies ; )
@J.Day: Wow. Barbie has her own tv channel. Is it porn oriented? ...I'm now following your 2nd blog : )
ReplyDeletedisconcerting this - I'm not just commentin because you mentioned the 'b' word.
ReplyDeleteSounds like Mattel is missing Stripper Barbie, Illegal Immigrant Barbie, Welfare Barbie, and Mail-order Bride Barbie. BTW, didn't there used to be a doll that grew boobs if you turned a crank or something?
ReplyDelete@David L Macaulay: Sorry to scar you with the "B" word. Take one dose of brain bleach and you should be just fine by morning ; )
ReplyDelete@On My Soapbox: Hilarious! I wouldn't be surprised if in some dark lab inside of Mattel there are product creators working on those very dolls. ...Not sure about a dolly that grew boobs but I do remember a doll that grew hair when you pushed her belly button.
I always knew Barbie was mega hot, but...this is ALMOST like porn. ALMOST.
ReplyDeleteAnd it's not just flat chested little girls.
Fifteen-year-olds aren't immune to her C-cups either.
Empress...It's no wonder our young up and coming adults are so screwed up in the head. Our society is being sucked down the toilet. I say if they can do that with Skipper/Barbie why can't we have Ken with the correct anotomical parts that grow when he meets Barbie? It's wrong I tell ya. It's just not right!
ReplyDelete@Lemons Don't Make Lemonade: That Skipper doll is just so wrong and I agree with your comment about 15 year olds.
ReplyDelete@Bouncin' Barb: Ken would definitely be a heck of a lot more fun if he was equipped with of the necessary equipment ...his little plastic penis would probably end up falling off and chocking some little kid, and well, the headlines for that one wouldn't be so good ; )
That is so wrong.. Barbie always made me feel fat.. Stupid B*****. When I was little I had an anatomically correct baby boy doll. if you gave him water in the bottle and then squeezed his belly he would pee... Best bath toy ever... just say'n. So... does Viagra ken exist... a trip to the pharmacy and Barbie is a happy girl!
ReplyDeleteAwesome post man! Keep up this excellent work!
ReplyDeleteWait a minute. Just wait a minute! Are you telling me that my going around for three (count them, three)years rotating my arms that that had NOTHING to do with these fantastic boobs? I can't accept that. I just can't. I'm dumbstruck... that hurt, Empress...
ReplyDeleteDid they really have a Tattoo Barbie? LOL! That's nuts! I think they decided upon Big Rack Barbie simply because Barbie dolls have, for decades, always attempted to create the most impossible shape for a human to have. Why not throw some huge sweater pups on her and give Nicki Minaj something else to strive for in her transformation?
ReplyDelete@The Chick in the Chair: Good to have you back! As for Ken, if they ever end up making an anatomically correct doll no doubt he will come with his own supply of little blue pills ; )
ReplyDelete@Jason: Thanks for the props and stopping by. Words of appreciation are always appreciated!
@SharleneT: You are an absolute fire cracker!!!
@Thank, Q: Sweater pups eh? In honor of Nicki, there is probably a big booty barbie in the works. Crazy stuff!
I totally don't know what to say about that. It's...It's....It's...yeah I got nothing.
ReplyDeletesee this why i never palyed with Barbie G.I. Joe was way cooler
ReplyDeleteLMAO @ Lost in Idaho! That was hilarious.
ReplyDeleteMattel continues to drop the ball when it comes to Barbie. Need I remind you of Video Ho Barbie?
@Laynee: The video definitely has that effect doesn't it?
ReplyDelete@Becca: G.I. Joe was most certainly the cool kid on the block!
@Mrs. Hyde: I tried to find a clip of Video Ho Barbie. I guess she was over in the x-rated video section ...blowing G.I. Joe or something like that ; )
Looking back at the other comments, I like the idea of new, fresh Barbies...
ReplyDeleteBa-donk-a-donk Barbie comes to mind. Maybe a lesbian barbie?
@Lost.in.Idaho: I think they've already made the Ba-donk-a-donk Barbie. They call her "Video Vixen Barbie". I think she even comes complete with a tramp stamp.
ReplyDeleteTheir marketing guys may have had some reason in trying this out. At least now they know that it doesn't work that way. I wonder what's next?
ReplyDelete