After my most recent post some of you my lovelies commented just how much you were amused by my potty mouth terminology and unique choice of words utilized in the sex study summary. Being that it is one of my missions in life to bring a bit of joy into readers lives, I thought I would provide you all with a wee guide to
Empress Phraseology:B.O.N.’ed (verb) To receive the highly coveted award ‘Blog of Note’ by Blogger. (Example) The Empress is itching to be B.O.N.’ed once and for all!
Cock lick: (noun) Someone that is recognized as being a major brown-noser. (Example) That Gertrude is such a cock lick. She would do anything to get a promotion.
Cookie: (noun) Female genitalia. Also known as a vadge or vajayjay. (Example) When serving dessert, it is very important to keep one’s cookie nicely groomed.
Ding dong: (noun) Male genitalia. Also known as a cockadoodledoo. (Example) He had a large ding dong and was quite skilled at performing the weenie dance.
Donut: (noun) Any hole in which a horny male sticks his thingy in for sexual gratification. (Example) After last call horny Stanford scanned the bar for a quick donut to bang.
Douche canoe: (noun) The highest ranking official of the douche bag army. (Example) That fame whore Spencer Pratt is the ultimate douche canoe.
Drive-thru: (noun) A random and/or one-time-only sexual encounter. (Example) That ho Daphne regularly engages in drive-thru’s with guys she meets off the internet.
Effing: (noun, verb or adjective) Favorite curse word of The Empress. Also known as f*ck. (Example) It’s hard to determine who is the biggest moron when it comes to that effing pack of jackasses.
Gluteolacunosity: (noun) Assholeness.
(Example) He displayed sheer gluteolacunosity and stupidity when he raced down the road weaving between cars and cutting off other vehicles.
Knob slobbing: (verb) The act of giving a highly skilled and enjoyable BJ. (Example) Prior to her man leaving for a business trip, Mary was seen knob slobbing away in the backseat of the car at the airport.
My lovelies: (noun) You my faithful and adored readers.
(Example) Life in the blogosphere would not be the same without you my lovelies.
Shit weasel: (noun) A person who is a slimy and incredibly conniving jerk. (Example) That shit weasel Bernard would do anything to further his own agenda.
Shit weasel: (verb) To stick one’s penis up someone else’s arse unexpectedly and without prior warning. (Example) She received a rude awakening when he shit weaseled her from behind.
Word Perv: (noun) A person who takes delight and is skilled at constructing, writing or speaking naughty phrases. (Example) The Empress is a total word perv!
Have a fantabulous week!
xo The Empress
