Fame Whoring – Paris Hilton edition

Just when you think that ditzy, oh-so-innocent celebutard otherwise known as Paris Hilton has FINALLY gone away and crawled back under the rock from which she came, she remerges to plaster her fame-whoring ass all over yet another asinine business venture. And no boys and girls, it’s not an all natural, non-pharmaceutical version of columbian tang that she is hawking.

This time P. Hilty has decided (being the incredibly knowledgeable motorcycle expert that she is) that she would go out and get her very own little team on the world motorcycle championship circuit. …Because she needed a seemingly legitimate excuse to parade around in skin tight motorcycle costumes without obviously appearing like the super skanky Barbie wanna-be that she is.

From 2011-2013 the SuperMartXe VIP by Paris Hilton team will embarrassingly compete in the 125cc racing category all kitted out in hot pink and blue motorcycles emblazoned with her name. …No word yet whether or not the team’s racing uniforms will be rhinestone bedazzled with fluffy hot pink feathered trim.

Paris was so freaking excited about the whole ridonkulous deal that she tweeted “I can’t believe I have my own racing team! So cool! :)” And she even committed to attending at least five actual races during the next season.

Wow! Five whole races. How in the world will she ever manage to fit them in between all the crazy partying, paparazzi bribing, shopping, champagne swilling and raunchy table dancing?

Someone please make her go the effing hell away …once and for all …I’m just saying…

Keeping up with Probation – Celebrity Edition

Well, I tried my very best to give poor little Lindsay Lohan the benefit of the doubt after her recent short stint in the pokey and disgustingly quick trip in and out of celebrity rehab. Both the media spin doctors and actual real life medical doctors did their best to imply that ole fire crotch didn’t really have an addiction problem but instead that she was misdiagnosed with ADD or some other sort of silly nonsense.

Yeah right. We are talking about the same girl that was charged twice with driving under the influence and in the second incident she was charged with cocaine possession. And let’s not forget that it was reported that Lindsay tried to run a woman down with a car and that she has been in and out of all sorts of scandalous trouble for several years now.

Then on Monday, hot off her appearance at the Video Music Awards and probably a crazy night of partying like it was 1999, Lindsay failed a mandatory drug test and had her probation revoked. Little Miss Train Wreck has been ordered to appear in court yet again so that a judge can determine whether to send her back to jail or into another spa treatment program…

And not to be outdone is the Princess of Fame Whoredom herself, Paris Hilton. This week P. Hilty copped a plea so that she could weasel her way out of a felony cocaine conviction that would have required her to spend one to four years in the big house. Paris fessed up to the judge that she did indeed have cocaine in her possession and that she had lied to a police officer when she said that the fancy Chanel purse she was carrying wasn’t hers.

In exchange for her plea Paris basically had her skanky socialite wrists slapped by the judge. She was sentenced to one year probation, 200 hours of community service and a US$2,000.00 fine. Oh, and she has to complete a drug abuse program.

Mind you, this is the same table dancing celebutard that has already served time in jail for drunk driving, been arrested for possessing drugs on two other occasions this summer alone, and was summarily kicked out of South Africa for liking weed a little too much.

And apparently the incredibly awesome country of Japan didn’t take P. Hilty’s love for drugs so lightly either. On Wednesday Japanese immigration officials detained Paris for six hours at the airport, forced her to stay overnight at a nearby budget hotel and then ultimately denied her entrance into their country due to her Las Vegas drug conviction earlier in the week. Go Japan!

But even if the tides do seem to be turning a bit in favor of us common folk, I’m still fairly fed up with repeatedly hearing about Paris and Lindsay’s ridiculous and troublesome escapades. And frankly I rather miffed that these two ass-hats keep getting coddled by the legal system, especially when anyone else would have received far more serious consequences for their actions. Surely there has to be some nasty Thai or Mexican prison that can be paid to take those d-bags out of the spotlight and off our streets once and for all. …I’m just saying…