Fun with Words: Empress Phraseology

Being that one of my missions in life is to bring a bit of joy into readers lives, I thought I would provide you with an updated list of Empress Phraseology. For those of you who are new to this neck of the woods or simply unfamiliar, consider this list to be a mini-dictionary of (mostly) potty mouthed terminology that you will find over here at The Ranter’s Box - Home of Word Pervery.

(***PLEASE TAKE THIS TERMINOLOGY WITH A GRAIN OF SALT. IT'S MEANT ALL IN GOOD FUN. IF YOU DON'T HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR OR ENJOY SLIGHTLY RAUNCHY DISCUSSION, THEN PLEASE GO FIND YOURSELF A NICE LITTLE BLOG DEDICATED TO THE HISTORY OF BUTTER MAKING.***)


B.O.N.’ed: (verb) To receive the highly coveted award ‘Blog of Note’ by Blogger.
(Example) The Empress is itching to be B.O.N.’ed once and for all!

Celebutard: (noun) A person who is famous for being famous and often engages in stupid, inappropriate or outright illegal behavior. (Example) Despite her well-known criminal record, that celebutard Paris Hilton loves to play all sweet and innocent.

Cocklick or Cocknozzle: (noun) Someone who is known for being a major brown-noser or asshole. (Example) That Gertrude is such a cocklick. She would do anything to get a promotion.

Cookie: (noun) Female genitalia. Also known as a vadge or vajayjay.
(Example) When serving dessert, it is very important to keep one’s cookie nicely groomed.

Ding Dong: (noun) Male genitalia. Also known as a cockadoodledoo.
(Example) He had a large ding dong and was quite skilled at performing the weenie dance.

Donut: (noun) Any hole in which a horny male sticks his thingy in for sexual gratification. (Example) After last call horny Stanford scanned the bar for a quick donut to bang.

Douche Canoe: (noun) The highest ranking official in the douche bag army.
(Example) That fame whore from The Jersey Shore is the ultimate douche canoe.

Drive-thru: (noun) A random and/or one-time-only sexual encounter. (Example) Daphne the wonder ho had a drive-thru with some sleazy guy she picked up in the club.

Eff or Effing: (noun, verb or adjective) Favorite curse word of The Empress. (Example) It’s hard to determine the biggest moron when it comes to that effing pack of jackasses.

Fame Whore: (noun) Incredibly annoying people who will do or say just about anything to keep their name in the media. (Example) Kim K. is the current reigning fame whore of the Hollyhood.

Gone Sheen: (verb) To display inappropriate and insane behavior similar to “He Who Shall Not Be Named”. (Example) That narcissistic, womanizing, batshit crazy Colin has totally gone sheen again.

Gluteolacunosity: (noun) Assholeness.
(Example) He displayed sheer gluteolacunosity and stupidity when he raced down the road weaving between cars and cutting off other vehicles.

Jackwagon or Jacktard: (noun) A major idiot or moron. (Example) Carlton is such a jackwagon. Yesterday he caught his dick in his pants zipper for the third time this year.

Jiggly Bits: (noun) Excess fat that is stored in the arms, back, stomach, butt or thighs.
(Example) After blowing out her Spanx she decided it was finally time to do something about the jiggly bits on her ass and thighs.

Knob-slob: (verb) The act of giving a highly skilled and enjoyable BJ.
(Example) Prior to her man leaving for a business trip, Mary was seen knob slobbing away in the backseat of the car at the airport.

My lovelies: (noun) You my faithful and adored readers.
(Example) Life in the blogosphere would not be the same without you my lovelies.

Naughty Bits: (noun) Male or female genitalia; the nether regions below the belt.
(Example) The happy couple named each other’s naughty bits king dong and cock socket.

Shit weasel: (noun) A person who is a slimy and incredibly conniving jerk.
(Example) Bernard is such a shit weasel. He would do anything to further his own agenda.

Shit weasel: (verb) To stick one’s penis up someone else’s arse unexpectedly and without prior warning. (Example) She received a rude awakening when he decided to shit weasel her from behind.

Sucks big hairy sweaty smelly donkey balls: (verb) To majorly suck.
(Example) Verizon totally sucks big hairy sweaty smelly donkey balls.

The Hollyhood: (noun) The bizarre universe where celebrities live, work and socialize.
(Example) All hell broke loose in the Hollyhood when two starlets and a married politician were discovered to have made a super kinky sex tape.

Word Perv: (noun) A person who takes delight and is skilled at constructing, writing or speaking naughty phrases. (Example) The Empress is a total word perv!

Please feel free to amuse us all by leaving your own favorite words in the comment section below. Have a fantabulous week!
xo The Empress

Mamby Pamby Jackwagons

For those of you that have been around for awhile, you are probably aware that I, The Empress, am a major word perv. There are all sorts of crazy words and phrases that I use here at The Ranter’s Box. Sometimes I even invent new words that somehow I am able to convince the highly discerning publishers over at Urban Dictionary to publish. (Side note: It’s amazing what you can bribe a publisher to do for a bottle of scotch and a picture of one’s boobies…)

And while I’m often surprised by some of the wacky shit that I find myself saying (f*ckstick, cocklick or douche bitch), I must give credit where credit is due. In this instance I want to give major props to the crusty old drill sergeant who has inspired my now liberal use of the word JACKWAGON:




Happy Hump Day my lovelies!
xo The Empress

PS: I’d love to know your favorite word pervy names or phrases. If you are up for sharing, please delight me and leave them in the comments section below. I shall be forever grateful!

Just call me a word perv

After my most recent post some of you my lovelies commented just how much you were amused by my potty mouth terminology and unique choice of words utilized in the sex study summary. Being that it is one of my missions in life to bring a bit of joy into readers lives, I thought I would provide you all with a wee guide to Empress Phraseology:

B.O.N.’ed (verb) To receive the highly coveted award ‘Blog of Note’ by Blogger. (Example) The Empress is itching to be B.O.N.’ed once and for all!

Cock lick: (noun) Someone that is recognized as being a major brown-noser. (Example) That Gertrude is such a cock lick. She would do anything to get a promotion.

Cookie: (noun) Female genitalia. Also known as a vadge or vajayjay. (Example) When serving dessert, it is very important to keep one’s cookie nicely groomed.

Ding dong: (noun) Male genitalia. Also known as a cockadoodledoo. (Example) He had a large ding dong and was quite skilled at performing the weenie dance.

Donut: (noun) Any hole in which a horny male sticks his thingy in for sexual gratification. (Example) After last call horny Stanford scanned the bar for a quick donut to bang.

Douche canoe: (noun) The highest ranking official of the douche bag army. (Example) That fame whore Spencer Pratt is the ultimate douche canoe.

Drive-thru: (noun) A random and/or one-time-only sexual encounter. (Example) That ho Daphne regularly engages in drive-thru’s with guys she meets off the internet.

Effing: (noun, verb or adjective) Favorite curse word of The Empress. Also known as f*ck. (Example) It’s hard to determine who is the biggest moron when it comes to that effing pack of jackasses.

Gluteolacunosity: (noun) Assholeness.
(Example) He displayed sheer gluteolacunosity and stupidity when he raced down the road weaving between cars and cutting off other vehicles.

Knob slobbing: (verb) The act of giving a highly skilled and enjoyable BJ. (Example) Prior to her man leaving for a business trip, Mary was seen knob slobbing away in the backseat of the car at the airport.

My lovelies: (noun) You my faithful and adored readers.
(Example) Life in the blogosphere would not be the same without you my lovelies.

Shit weasel: (noun) A person who is a slimy and incredibly conniving jerk. (Example) That shit weasel Bernard would do anything to further his own agenda.

Shit weasel: (verb) To stick one’s penis up someone else’s arse unexpectedly and without prior warning. (Example) She received a rude awakening when he shit weaseled her from behind.

Word Perv: (noun) A person who takes delight and is skilled at constructing, writing or speaking naughty phrases. (Example) The Empress is a total word perv!

Have a fantabulous week!
xo The Empress