Tuesday, June 14, 2011

I think I broke the naughty meter

Over the weekend while I was visiting Lost’s blog, the always enjoyable My Own Private Idaho, I was giddy as a school girl to discover the Clean Meter. (You can click on the blue link to give it a whirl.)

Now for those of you that are out of the loop, the Clean Meter is a website where you can type in the web address of your favorite blog or website. Then behind the scenes some highly puritanical minions will magically scour the site to determine its level of appropriateness (OR NOT) for viewing.

Basically, green means the site is fairly safe for viewing. Yellow means to use caution when viewing. And red means “Danger Will Robinson”. Based on this criterion you probably have a fairly good idea regarding which particular zone The Ranter’s Box landed.

Yes, that’s right boys and girls. The Ranter’s Box pushed the Clean Meter’s ratings needle all the way to the far end of the RED ZONE. Neon lights started flashing with the words “read this blog and you are guaranteed to burn in hell for all of eternity” or something equally discouraging. A concerned priest then popped online and asked if I would like to give a confession or some similar nonsense …Okay, maybe I made up that last part. I am after all a heathen sinner and therefore prone to such offenses…

Even so, I must admit that I was rather elated and somewhat perplexed by the particulars of my red zone rating which you can see here:

Now being that I am the original Word Perv I will gladly own up to some questionable language or borderline profanity but all and all I remain a classy lady with a strong moral compass. My invention and/or liberal use of silly little phrases is meant all in good fun regardless of what those uptight wankers over at Clean Meter think.

As for those allegations of sexual solicitation, I’m still scratching my head. Perhaps those daft Clean Meter puritans have mistaken my love for blog pimping (and whoring) as a seedy and illegal sexual activity for which I am trying to profit. Methinks not. It’s common knowledge that I pimp my lovelies for FREE because I adore each and every one of you.

xo The Empress

PS: Now go forth, test your blogs on the Clean Meter, and report back in the comment section below. Let’s see who gets the cleanest / most vulgar ratings.


  1. Get it get it, Word Perv! I expected nothing less than the high reds for you, my friend.

    Keep it up and they'll have to add a new section to the meter for you.

  2. It seems I like to live on the edge, in this case the edge would be the RED ZONE (is for the purpose of loading and unload only ... all others will be towed)

    I'm not nearly as notorious you my dear. What can I say, I'm a slacker.

  3. Proud of you for your happy results on the Clean Meter. That is all. Carry on.

  4. @Jeff: Bloggy high five! And as if you won't need a new section of the meter for yourself as well.

    @Mustang Sally: Living on the edge is fun and a little notoriety never hurt anyone.

    @Middle Child: Why thank fine child : )

  5. @Jeff: Bloggy high five! And as if you won't need a new section of the meter for yourself as well.

    @Mustang Sally: Living on the edge is fun and a little notoriety never hurt anyone.

    @Middle Child: Why thank you fine child : )

  6. Like Sally I am also living on the edge, lol.
    My report contains the fact that there are 3 references to sexual clothing... musta been those 3 naughty words: egyptian cotton sheets

  7. Wow, I'm shocked at my own results. You wouldn't think a blog that's mainly about my children would be smack dab in the middle of the red zone, but it is. This just made my day! Thanks for sharing!

  8. I think we would have noticed solicitation. I fear clicking that meter for mine, it would likely be red as a baboon's ass.

  9. I checked out that site too and thought I was a bit dirty... but apparently I am cleaner than you! So at least I have that going for me...

    The Simple Dude

  10. Oh no, not a reference to gambling!!


    Congrats on breaking the scale. I'm told if you rate 'red' enough, holy water shoots out from your monitor, and you can hear bishops and priests praying to save your soul...

    I'm working on unlocking that 'achievement.' Wish me luck. >:D

  11. I don't need that thing to tell you that my blog is not "clean".

  12. Oh I told you mine was dirty. Mine was begged all the way to the left.

  13. yes, i think i am somehow beyond the red zone, like the needle is trying to break free from red and create a new, even more sinful, color.

    the one i am perplexed about is "potential anatomical refererences". is this something like, "i have a coffee cup" and they are like, "well, that just sounds nasty"?


  14. GRR...I'm not cleanmeter worthy!

  15. @Possum: Who knew that fancy bedding could be so dirty?

    @Alli: You go you naughty mommy!

    @Danger Boy: For sure! The hilarious and vulgar phrases you come up with would most certainly land you well beyond the red zone, which is awesome!

    @The Simple Dude: Either that or you just have enough sense not to cross the line too far, which probably explains why I have not obtained the coveted "B.O.N." award like you have.

    @Lost.in.Idaho: Seriously. I can't for the life of me figure out the accusations of 'gambling references'. ...I have no doubt that through your diligent efforts you will achieve that particular goal.

    @Oilfield Trash: Perhaps you are a little bit 'dirty' but always well spoken!

    @in bed with married women: Perhaps those puritanical minions have cottoned on to my invention of new phrases that I use to replace obvious anatomical references.

    @Copyboy: What is up with that? You are worthy!

  16. Heh, Potty Mouth, I see what they did there!

    Wheee, *high five* for making the red zone, that's the way to go :)

  17. turns out i'm pretty safe was all green. guess i need to hang out here more to embrace my naughtery side.

    Everyday Life

  18. fascinating find. I had to check it out. While I don't see Brits as being very bad I was on the border line between red and yellow. I had (gasp) two references to alcohol, which sort of confuses me as I wrote a whole long post once about getting pissed up.

  19. Oh yeah, I'm dirty. Not dirty enough, though. I want to make the meter explode! Guess I have some work to do.

  20. @linnykins: High five right back at ya!

    @Becca: You mean I haven't completely corrupted you as of yet?

    @David L Macaulay: Alcohol references? Good gads, definitely time to call the morality police!

    @On My Soapbox: Yes, but it could be very good fun indeed ; )

  21. What the hell do they know anyway. Your blog rocks!

  22. HAHAHA I broke it! It won't even access my site! Stupid meter! My site isn't that complicated!

    Luv your site btw. <3


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