Monday, August 15, 2011

They said WHAT???

It can be a rather interesting exercise to read employees’ often bizarre and/or entertaining responses to questionnaires describing their jobs. The following comments were made in writing by real life public sector workers when asked about their job duties and position requirements:

At times I am asked to move mountains and raise the dead

The criminal justice system would come to a screeching halt if my position didn’t exist

Must be able to fight and wrestle individuals

Oversee the installation of school flashers

Transport prisoner dogs when officers make arrests for drunk driving

Subjected to terroristic threats from citizens

Exposure to fly infestations and huge dead rats” (note: office job)

Must be able to handle extreme hot and cold attitudes generated by coworkers and the public

Subjected to name calling and chair slinging

Physical requirements: fingerprinting and unlocking the bean hole

Assume responsibility for the department’s petty cash and coke funds” (note: police clerk)

Extraordinary working conditions: loss of appendages

Job duties: reporting to work sober and on time

Sometimes there are just words with no details and I have no clue what to do

Bonus Questionnaire Word of the Day: “ANNISHITIVE”

The questionnaires were all reviewed and signed-off by each of the workers’ direct superiors, further highlighting why exactly so many governmental agencies are jacked up, ineffective, and a huge waste of taxpayer revenue.

Happy Monday my lovelies and watch out for those school flashers and huge rats in the work place!
xo The Empress


  1. “Job duties: reporting to work sober and on time”

    Some days, it's harder than you think.

    Take tomorrow for instance. It's almost 3am, and here I be... I need to be up in 3 hours... Gonna be a chipper day.

  2. So, blogging is not conducive to the success of one's career OR did you just have way to much fun last night? ; )

  3. "...Moving mountains & raising the dead..." I wasn't aware religious deity was a government gig. I wonder that one's pension must look like.

  4. Dont know about giant rats but I hve seen some pretty huge cockroaches where I work.
    I reckon I would have to describe my job as requiring essential skills in mind reading and being able to stare down the occaisional bully

  5. I've been the brunt of someone's name calling and chair throwing. When he got done, I stood up and pointed my finger in his face and said "it's not my fault that I had to call you in here because YOU messed up. And if you EVER speak to me in that tone again I'll fire your ass". After that he began to like me. It's a tough world but someone's got to do it!!!! Great post as always my friend!

  6. Ummm, what is a bean hole??? Wait, maybe shouldn't know that one. ahahahahahhahaaa!

  7. “Exposure to fly infestations and huge dead rats” (note: office job)

    I'd say that's not the job for me, but now that I work on a ranch, flies (unfortunately) are just part of the job. So is not hitting yourself while trying to prevent flies from going up your nose or in your ears. However, the rat thing is quite disturbing. They must work in New York, I hear the rats there are quite large. lol

  8. I'm dying to know what "unlocking the bean hole" means! haha, wow.

  9. @Vinny C: I think the person was a dog catcher?

    @Mynx: Major gross regarding the cockroaches. Yuck! ...You also do a smashing job of chasing off useless male princesses ; )

    @Leanna: I was wondering the same thing myself!

    @J.Day: Could you imagine having to deal with rats at the office?

    @the Tsaritsa: It sounds totally pervy but the true meaning is still a mystery.

  10. sounds like i am just the guy to take that job...

    oh wait this was not bruce's perfect job description...

    guess it is time for some new glasses....

  11. Haha. Love the sober and screeching halt one.

  12. @Bruce: Thanks for stopping by! You have been missed. And no, this is no one's perfect job description by any stretch of the imagination

    @Copyboy: Glad you enjoyed the post : )

  13. Not a giant rat but there was a mouse under my desk, on my first day, and a small snake attached to the clear mailing tape the following morning. After that, it was a piece of cake! Hugs, Empress.


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