Monday, August 22, 2011

Car No Go

After experiencing a recent and rather shocking case of extremely poor customer service, I thought I would share it with you because that is what we often do here at The Ranter’s Box. We rant and take the piss at stupid human behavior and/or businesses that have no business providing so-called service to the general public.

Today’s rant features shitty customer service at the car wash. Following is a recap of the rather unfortunate event:

• Drive perfectly-functioning vehicle to the local carwash for a deluxe wash and wax.

• Request type of car wash and hand keys over to semi-literate car wash attendant.

• Go inside shop to pay and then wait outside for 30 glorious minutes in the sunshine.

• Start to wonder what in the heck is taking (daft) car washers so long to wash such a teeny tiny vehicle.

• See vehicle pop out the end of the car wash area and sigh a bit of relief …temporarily.

• Notice large sumo wrestler is driving vehicle with two other car wash attendants laughing and pushing vehicle like it is a clown car.

• Car wash attendants commence with drying and polishing vehicle so not too concerned but make note to self that tip should reflect their somewhat inappropriate conduct.

• Head over to vehicle when car wash attendants signal vehicle is ready.

• Inquire as to why car wash attendants were joking around and using vehicle like a toy.

• (Stupid) attendant replies “Car No Go”.

• To which The Empress responds “What do you mean, car no go?”

• “Car no go. Car broken”, they reply.

• By this point The Empress is NOT amused and asks to speak with the manager.

• Partially literate ‘manager’ turns up and says that the car is “dead” and suggests that The Empress contact a mobile mechanic.

• “What do you mean the car is dead? It was running perfectly fine when I drove it up here and handed you my car keys thirty minutes ago. I do not recall delivering the vehicle to you on a flatbed truck, so what exactly did you do to my car?” The Empress demanded.

• Smart-ass but obviously incredibly dumb manager fails to take any responsibility, despite the crowd of customers that are all starting to wonder what in the frick is going on and hoping they aren't next.

• On the verge of going kung-fu on their moronic asses, The Empress tells them that they had better fix whatever the hell they did to jack up the vehicle and do it PRONTO!

• Semi-intelligent car wash attendant shows up with a portable battery charger box and actually manages to get the vehicle running in a matter of seconds, prompting The Empress to wonder why they didn't bother doing this before turning the vehicle back over to her ...OR before she found out in the first place.

• The Empress takes possession of the vehicle and tells the stupid pack of jackasses that she will never use their shitty car wash again and drives off giving them a well deserved one finger salute!

MORAL OF THE STORY: (1) Never knowingly turn your beloved vehicle over to a half-witted sumo wrestler and his two imbecile sidekicks and expect said vehicle to be returned to you in its original condition. (2) And steer clear of Beacon Bay Car Wash(es). They SUCK big sweaty, hairy, smelly donkey balls!

Happy Monday my lovelies!
xo The Empress


  1. Maybe sumo dude somehow sucked the energy out of the car, while leaving the trunk and all doors open to drain the battery as quickly and efficiently as possible.

    At least they didn't try to hump you... DID THEY?!?!?!?!



  2. @StephanieC: Probably so. They left the headlights and the interior light on and who knows what else. Stupid twats. ...No, they didn't try to hump me. They were having to much fun playing 'clown car' to notice the hot chick with the nice rack ; )

  3. That's why I don't drive. Well that and I can't really have a car in NYC.

  4. "Car no go"? Obviously they didn't make it past pre-school. And this is why I don't use that kind of car wash. I go to one where I stay in my car, they suds it up and send me through the car wash, and dry it on the other side. When it comes to waxing or cleaning out the inside, I do that at my parents house. I don't hand over my car keys to just anyone. Hell I have a hard time letting one of my PARENTS drive it, and they have good driving records. lol

  5. wow sumo wrestlers are forced to work as car wash attendants? The economy is shitty.

  6. Wow. It's never fun when Car No Go. Bunch of jackwagons.

  7. Check it out over at my place! You have been CANUCK'd!


  8. Car no go? WTF? How about "Tip No Get" ... and thanks for messing up my ride - NOT. Assholes.


  9. That really sucks. I hate crappy customer service, and the fact that they were joking around and playing with your property is completely unprofessional. Ugh. I wrote about a really bad customer service experience I had last week on my blog.

  10. @Copyboy: Consider that a bullet dodged.

    @J.Day: I would love to have that kind of car wash where I live!

    @Powdered Toast Man: That was code for guy who eats WAY too much fast food ; )

    @Danger Boy: Not fun at all!

    @Canadianbloggergirl: Thank you so much my dear!!

    @PM Taylor: Tip No Get indeed!

    @the Tsaritsa: Bad customer service seems to be the norm these days. What ever happened to people taking in pride in their work?

  11. @Ranter hope your car is still functioning and has not encountered any permanent damage. Some mothers unfortunately have these semi-literate, half brained idiots!


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