Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Fun with words – Naughty Bits Edition Part Deux

Once while waiting at an appointment I had the rare opportunity to peruse the chick magazines, you know the ones with all the silly fashion, sex and relationship advice. One particular magazine had an article featuring the pet names that couples call each other’s naughty bits. And being the word perv that I am, you know I was all over that article like bread on butter.

(***WARNING: For those of you with lily white virginal eyeballs and G-rated sensibilities, PLEASE STOP READING NOW. This post contains LOTS and LOTS of FUN NAUGHTY WORDS!!!***)

The pets names listed ranged from flattering (king kong) to amusing (dongola). However, I was very much surprised to read that one guy actually admitted to habitually referring to his partner’s lady bits as a "ham wallet" …and that he was still alive and breathing with his weiner and both balls fully intact.

There were a few other names listed for the male and female nether regions but not nearly enough to satisfy my obviously demented dirty little mind. So, I went in search of additional penis and vadge nicknames, all pervy of course, and here is what I found:

Boobies, ta-ta’s, tits, breasticles, hooters, knockers, jugs, melons, cans, boobs, yabbos, honkers, skin sacks, rib cushions, gazongas, torpedoes, dirty pillows, pontoons, headlights, bazookas, rack, cantaloupes, twin peaks, butter bags, roundies, ottomans, sweater meat, love bubbles, boobage, and fun bags.

Fur burger, meat curtain, butcher slit, fish taco, squish mitten, cooter, kitty, oyster ditch, pork steeple, meat locker, muff, hairy doughnut, spam purse, cod pouch, finger hut, poontang, whisker biscuit, tampon socket, camel toe, goop chute, fish lips, sperm sucker, hatchet wound, cum dumpster, panty taco, cock socket, Notorious V.A.G., Black & Decker pecker wrecker, twat, glory hole, beef sheath, fun hatch, and honey pot.

Cock-a-doodle-do, willy, schlong, main brain, prick, johnson, shaft, pecker, boner, dong, knob, woody, chubby, magic wand, pork sword, stiffy, tool, phallus, kitty massager, sausage, wang, pocket rocket, trouser snake, vadge slayer, ding dong, john thomas, one-eyed wonder worm, tube steak, family jewels, skin flute, pee-pee, mutton dagger, purple helmet, rooster, twig, weiner, disco stick, blow pole, tallywacker, meat whistle, and bologna pony.

And now that I have further corrupted all of your saintly minds, please go forth and have an amazingly fantabulous week!
xo The Empress

PS: Please feel free to leave your own favorite names for naughty bits in the comment section below. You get extra points for creativity and vulgarity!


  1. Oh the shock my poor senstive eyes reading such words will I ever recover............bloody oath I will thanks..........

  2. "mutton dagger"? LMAO That's actually a bit frightening. And I'm with you, I can't believe that guy who called lady bits "ham wallet" and is still alive. lol

  3. @Jo-Anne Rambling: Tee hee! You were forewarned ; )

    @J.Day: The term must have originated in reference to those blokes who are fond of shagging sheep ...As for that guy, obviously he isn't fond of playing hide the salami. If he were, he wouldn't dare utter such nonsense!

  4. Always been a fan of "cock wallet" and "cock holster".



  5. Good lord. Fish taco is the worst of the bunch..although that oyster one is pretty bad..and what the heck is a ham wallet? a vegetarian I don't appreciate those ones nearly as much...haha! oh my word. I even scrunched up my face on a few of those. lol. Thanks for sharing. Oh my goodness.

  6. @PM Taylor: Cock holster, nice!

    @Cinderita: Is Lola being shy? ; )

  7. These are all great. I use most of these words just about every day. :)

  8. I'm not sure I'd ever want to meet any woman who has earned the title "Black & Decker pecker wrecker".

  9. A couple of my current favourites are shag spanner meaning a cock spilling my filthy yoghurt meaning ejaculation.

  10. Didn't think you could trump me, but you did. Bits and all.

  11. @Timoth Bowen: Thanks for chiming in and good on you for your liberal use of word pervery!

    @Vinny C: Surely you jest? ;)

    @Copyboy: Yay!

    @Danger Boy: Coming from you, I take that as a huge compliment.

    @Tony Van Helsing: Naughty! I like it!

  12. You can't beat "tits", Empress, although I'm partial to "Jahoobies" or "bangers" as well for the upper lady area.

    I like "front bottom" and "bumbalaree" for the lady lower county.

  13. oh my will i ever be the same nope but that's a good thing i now have new things to call the hubby's naughty bits besides "mini me"

  14. When I was a wee lad, mom called mine a "ghee-whee".

  15. HAHAHAHA! Shy? Lola? Well I suppose when it comes to pet names for male and female gentials I prefer to stick to the basics..cock works for me. haha! hey so I wanted to come by and make sure you came by and read today's post. I'm really interested in your view AND I'd love love LOVE for you to do a guest post for me sometime soon...xo

  16. @The Vegetable Assassin: Jahoobies, love it!

    @becca: Let us know how that goes!!

    @CW Martin: Ghee-whee is great. Haven't heard of that one before.

    @Cinderita: Cock is the best for sure. Loved your post and I will be pondering on the topic for sometime to come. As for the guest post, what did you have in mind?

  17. And then there is “Jimmy and the Twins”


  18. @Left Coast Guy: Are they identical twins? ; )

  19. Main Brain?! What?! Hey, we're not all being led around by Mr. Johnson and the Boys...(that's my entry, by the way ;)

    Funny stuff as always, Empress


  20. @Elliot Grace: Mr. Johnson it is? ;) Glad you enjoyed the post!


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