DJ For A Minute - Nasty Girl

I suspect that deep inside even the most “buttoned-up” person is a bit of a wild woman or passionate manly animal. It doesn’t matter if you are a doctor, plumber, IT geek, farmer or librarian, when given the right inspiration, circumstances and/or company one’s fun side will be inclined to want to come out and play – and so it should. After all, no one can be all business 24/7. Sometimes it's good and even downright healthy to temporarily put aside one’s responsibilities, reconnect with your inner primal self, relax and just let go. You know what I’m talking about people! So let down your proverbial hair, crank up your computer speakers and get your freak on old school style!!

Noisy Neighbors from Hell

I was talking with someone close to me who recently bought their first house. One of the things they were most looking forward to was no longer having to deal with noisy neighbors. If you have ever lived in an apartment, condo, townhouse or any other type of multi-family dwelling with shared walls you can probably relate. Having someone else live above, below or beside you can be positively annoying. There are the crying babies, loud TV’s, base pumping stereos, and full volume video games that come blaring through your walls at all hours of the day and night. Not to mention having to listen to other people talking, arguing, partying, stomping around, slamming doors, peeing, snoring, having sex or whatever other sorts of things inconsiderate individuals do to disturb -- and ultimately piss off their neighbors.

Upon reflection this reminded me of what had to be my all-time worst neighbors ever. No one deserved to have to live anywhere near let alone right next door to this particular couple. How they managed to slip through the cracks and actually be allowed to rent a luxury apartment is beyond anyone’s comprehension. What an absolute freaking nightmare they were! The guy loved to take late night rides around the perimeter of my former apartment complex revving his very loud motor cycle engine while kitted out in Nazi embellished apocalyptic motor cycle gear scaring any and all passerby’s. The chick was quite a piece of work as well. She had a nasty disposition, spotted multi-colored hair and looked like some sort of truck stop hooker – and probably was. Together they holed up for weeks at a time playing war video games and doing drugs. And let me tell you having your a-hole neighbors surround sound entertainment center on the same wall as your bed does not make for a good night’s sleep. When those two Jerry Springer show rejects weren’t cracked out and playing video games they were either blasting Scooby Doo cartoons through the walls, having loud/violent sex, or she was beating the crap out of him – in which case the police would usually show up. It only took a year and a half for the property managers to finally evict those losers – at which point we all sang hallelujah as I’m sure you would have as well.

Like many people I have always considered my home to be my sanctuary. The last thing anyone appreciates is having some dick for brains loud neighbor jack up one’s sleep, peace and quiet, or personal relaxing time. So attention all you noisy and rude people living in multi-family dwellings: You are not living in a barn or a frat house out in the middle of nowhere. You are living in a structure with shared walls so please show some basic consideration for the neighbors who live around you. A little common courtesy goes a long way. …I’m just saying…

Huggies Diapers - Poo in Blue

Check out this new commercial for Huggies limited edition denim diapers -for that oh so stylish kid who has everything. When little Jimmy does number two he will still look like number one!



"The coolest you'll ever look pooping your pants!"

Shame on You BP!

(Photo from June 12, 2010 in Gulf Shores, Alabama – oil that is now washing up on shore.)


On April 20, 2010 the Deepwater Horizon oil drilling rig exploded tragically killing 11 workers and resulting in the largest environmental disaster in US history. Within just two short days a five-mile oil slick had already formed. Now two months into the Gulf oil spill disaster, millions of gallons of oil are spilling into the ocean and BP is only managing to contain a relatively small percentage of that oil. As of June 14, 2010 various internal documents and emails from BP management personnel have surfaced that show a series of money saving short cuts and poor decisions increased the likelihood of this catastrophic disaster. So what this basically all boils down to is that not only did some greedy and/or lazy BP executives take a huge gamble in order to save time and money, they also did so without having any sort of proven disaster management plan in place. Now if that isn’t disgusting I don’t know what is. …I’m just saying…

Online Dating Perils

Online dating is here to stay. In theory it is a great way to connect with potential romantic prospects with whom you would have probably otherwise never met. But I did say theory here folks! In reality though, both my male and my female friends have many gripes about the murky world of online dating. With this in mind I would like to offer a few dating profile tips.

GUYS:
1. Don’t lie about things like your height or alleged athletic prowess. If your profile says you are 6’3 and a master of multiple sports, the ladies ARE going to notice if when meeting you that you are only 5’6 and are sporting a Homer Simpson belly.

2. Don’t post photos that in any way misrepresent who you are physically as a person. If you are balding, overweight, less muscular, turning gray or whatever, then own it with confidence and let the ladies decide if they find the real you attractive.

3. Don’t fabricate the level of your career success. If you say that you own a large real estate development company and in reality you are an agent for the local REMAX, then the ladies are going to think you are a dick and wonder what else you are lying about.

4. Don’t lie about your age in your profile. If you say that you are younger than you really are but in your photos you look like someone’s great grandfather, then at the end of the day the only person you will be fooling -- and playing hide the salami with is yourself.

5. Don’t post your profile on an online relationship dating site stating that you are looking for a serious relationship or marriage if in reality you are merely looking for a quick hookup. There are dating sites geared specifically for players so use them instead!


LADIES:
1. Don’t post photos of yourself where you are airbrushed beyond anything even close to resembling the “real” you. You are far better off posting more authentic photos of yourself and letting the guys decide if they find you visually appealing, otherwise you are just setting yourself up for disappointment when a guy you fancy never calls you back because of your ingenious “bait and switch” tactics.

2. Don’t lie about your age. Yes, men are known for liking younger women. However if you take care of yourself and look good for your age, then the year you were born won’t really matter as long as a man finds you attractive.

3. Don’t post half naked or skanky photos of yourself. Yes, men find a sexy woman incredibly appealing, however sexy is an attitude and comes from inside not from some hoochie mama getup you are wearing. And remember, while guys might bang a skanky chick they will never consider one for a serious relationship.

4. Don’t post some “princess looking for a sugar daddy” profile and then later wonder why guys treat you like a whore. There are special dating sites geared specifically for gold diggers so please go peddle your lady bits there instead!

5. And absolutely no “buts”, excuses or justifications for why you aren’t abiding by these rules! Be yourself not some manufactured image you think will attract the most men.

With that all being said, of course everyone involved in online dating wants to market themselves in the very best way possible, we all get that. However, if a person isn’t also portraying themselves authentically then what they are really doing is misrepresenting -- which equates to lying. And no one wants to start a relationship based on lies! …I’m just saying…

DJ For a Minute - Lovely Day

I absolutely love music! Yeah I know, how orignial. My musical taste depends entirely upon my mood so this new and oh so creative installment that I have dubbed "DJ For a Minute" will be totally random music video posts based on whatever strikes my fancy at the time. And lest that complete and utter douche otherwise known as Pauly D from Jersey Shore thinks I'm trying to steal his DJ thunder (yes, somehow he was nominated for "America's Best DJ), know that I fully intend to stick with my day job...

Today I'm grooving on Lovely Day which pretty much describes the day I enjoyed today. Crank up those computer speakers people!

Bungy, Oh Yes I Did!

I am all for having new adventures but sometimes a quest for adventure can really force you to step outside your comfort zone. While in Queenstown, New Zealand (otherwise known as the adventure capital of the world) a group of friends and I decided that we should sign up for a crazy triple adventure package. Jet boating was absolutely thrilling. The ride through the canyon up to the bungy jumping site was gorgeous. It was all good up until the point where we had to walk across a suspension bridge perched nearly 340 feet over the raging Shotover River canyon. It probably didn’t help my nerves at all when midway through the bungy harness being attached to my lower legs the technician decides to bugger off and go on a coffee break—only to have a completely different technician step in about five minutes later and commence with hooking up the rest of the harness. So there I was about to voluntarily fling myself off a very high bridge in the middle of nowhere and all I could wonder was what if during the staff switcharoo they accidentally skipped one of the steps in hooking up the bungy harness. Seriously, like where the f*ck was OSHA at a time like that? Fear ensued but at that point I didn’t have much choice but to hop myself over to the edge of the bungy platform and prepare to jump. I knew unfortunately that the only way I was going to get back to our hotel with any sort of dignity intact was to jump off that bridge, get picked up by an awaiting boat and be jetted down the river to our helicopter waiting on shore. And I REALLY wanted to experience that helicopter ride. So I said the sort of prayer anyone facing potential death might say and I then swan-dived to one of the most incredibly disorienting, exhilarating and crazy adventure experiences I have ever had -- so far… (Scroll down for bungy video in next post)

Bungy jump video

Ok, since all I have of my personal Pipeline bungy jump is a VHS tape I figured that old piece of garbage probably wouldn't translate so well to my blog. Being the helpful soul that I am I did a wee troll around the net and found a video (of someone else, thanks dude!) that should give you a good sense of both the prior anticipation and actual jump itself. Enjoy!

T-Mobile, say what?

Ordinarily I wouldn’t name any company outright on my blog, after all why give press to a company that clearly doesn’t deserve any – even if it is just here on my relatively unknown blog. However, in this particular instance customers deserve to know so they won’t bother wasting their time.

Yesterday one of my close relatives rolls up to the local T-Mobile store in the Dallas, Texas area. The intention behind this visit to T-Mobile was to obtain a new phone number. Pretty basic one would assume, after all the more active phone numbers a cell phone provider has in operation then the more money they make off customers… but whatever… After being greeted by one of the store clerks the following conversation ensues:

Clerk: What can I do for you today?

Relative: I would like to get a new cell phone number.

Clerk: Um, we don’t have any cell phone numbers available right now.

Relative: Isn’t this store a cell phone service provider?

Clerk: Yes, we just don’t have any cell phone numbers available right now.

2nd Clerk who steps in: He’s right, we don’t have any numbers available right now.

Relative: Ok, well isn’t that like going to the grocery store and them telling you they don’t have groceries?

Clerk: Um yeah, I guess so…

Relative: Well maybe you need to put a sign on the door that says “T-Mobile is out of phone numbers” and then close up shop for the day.


My relative then left but was so put-off by the experience that she called T-Mobile customer service who advised that phone numbers with certain area codes were becoming scarce in her local area. My relative was given the choice of opting for a new area code – to which she agreed. She was then given a selection of various new phone numbers to choose from. Need met, problem solved.

Not very complicated at all, so WTF you stupid store clerks?! Not only did you jeopardize losing a customer but you didn’t even have enough sense as men to find a way to keep my very hot looking relative in your store longer. Total fail on your part you idiots!

As for T-Mobile itself, there are obviously some staff training and other business issues going on... So attention T-Mobile: It doesn’t take a business genius with an MBA to realize that if you want to retain existing customers and increase your market share then you had better ensure you have enough phone numbers to meet consumer demand. …I’m just saying…

The funny thing about celebrity crushes

Even if you don’t get all googley-eyed over the rich and famous, at some point or another just about everyone admits to having at least one celebrity crush they would love to meet. So, imagine having the good fortune to actually have a face-to-face encounter with the object of your affection (Insert your favorite fantasy here: the skies would part, the birds would sing, you and your smoking hot celebrity would spend three steamy days in a luxury hotel barely coming up for air… or whatever your ideal romantic/pervy scenario would be…). What if upon meeting said celebrity you discovered that while they were indeed attractive and even rather nice --that you felt not one ounce of chemistry with them?! Pretty shocking but it can and does happen. Sometimes the fantasy IS really better than reality. … I’m just saying…

Kid falls asleep during presidential speech

Embarrassing Moment#610



There is probably nothing worse than embarrassing yourself, your family, your school and your hometown by disrespecting the President during his televised speech to your graduating class. Maybe the kid was up all night the evening before in eager anticipation of the momentous occasion. Maybe the kid is narcoleptic, who knows. Either way, this highly publicized incident can't bode well for his future college or business career. ...I'm just saying...

Oh Bentley, come to mama … and let me breathe in your exquisiteness!

With a base price of US$201,500 for the Bentley Continental GTC, this convertible is out of the price range of most people. Even so, the first time I saw one up close and personal I must admit that the craftsmanship of the vehicle was so amazing that it could inspire one to want to climb inside and just roll around on the luxurious seats! This vehicle is beyond spectacular and to this day every time I see a convertible Bentley on the road it is hard not to imagine myself behind the wheel. Nothing wrong with dreaming I say…

Annie McG, Adventuress Extraordinaire

During my travels I met and befriended this amazing woman named Annie McG. I have always admired people who live and breathe the spirit of adventure. Annie was one of those people. She had a good thirty years on me but was still youthful beyond her age. Whether she was camel trekking with the Aborigines, jetting off to stay in some ancient castle in Europe, or just hiking up in the port hills behind where she lived, Annie was always living life to the absolute fullest. Over the years Annie and I eventually lost track of one another but her spirit of adventure continues to inspire me to this day. So wherever you are Annie thanks for the inspiration. Know that I miss you and that you will always be a legend in my mind. …Cheers to adventure people!!

Dumb Arse Drivers

There is nothing more annoying when you are out cruising around then having some road retard jack up your driving experience. I’m talking about those idiots who don’t use their turn signals, don’t know that the gas pedal is the skinny pedal on the right, or who decide to turn right from the far left hand turn lane. Then there are those jerks in the left turn lane at a busy intersection that stall the flow of traffic from being able to turn on green because they are too busy eating, texting, putting on makeup, reading the paper, wacking off, or god knows what else. But by far the biggest morons are the ones who drive 15 miles below the speed limit in the fast lane – and then become extremely irate when other people try to go around them.

So attention all you a-hole drivers out there, if you are lacking in driving ability or confidence then perhaps you should take a drivers’ education course. In the meantime, either take a taxi or get the hell off the road! …I’m just saying…

Music: Jeremy Buck & The Bang totally rock!

Here is their latest music video "Just For One Night":



Someone definitely needs to sign these guys!!! ... I'm just saying...

British Petroleum (BP) is a disgrace!

The Gulf of Mexico is home to countless types of native and migratory wildlife -- not to mention all of the local residents and workers who used to make their living in the region. Due to the recent oil spill in the Gulf -- and subsequent monumental disaster, birds and marine life are dying or battling to stay alive. Tourists are leaving the region in droves. People are losing their means of livelihood. Businesses are failing. Coastlines are being destroyed and this once beautiful area of the world is now forever changed. The damage caused by BP is colossal and some heads had better roll! …I’m just saying…

Excuse Me, Your Child is a Little Monster!

While I appreciate that even the best and most experienced parents have to endure an off day with their kids from time to time, there are still some little heathens out there that are completely out of control. Case in point: One day I’m reluctantly out shopping at one of the big box stores and while standing in line at the cash register I discover directly behind me is this dirty, disheveled demon seed of a little girl and her mother. The kid proceeds to climb all over the displays near the register -- without mommy even once telling her daughter to reel it in. After thoroughly ransacking the displays the child then decides that it would be fun to systematically go through no less than nine giant blocks of gourmet chocolate and crack the chocolate inside the packages into zillions of little pieces. Again, the mother says absolutely nothing and allows this behavior to continue. I’m standing there biting my tongue and trying myself not to say anything to the little brat. Just as I am about to pay the sales clerk and get the hell out of the store, the Spawn of Satan projectile sneezes all down the back of my arm – snot everywhere! Even worse, there was no forthcoming apology from the mother and the child was completely oblivious to the fact that what she just did was beyond disgusting.

As for that entirely enjoyable experience (NOT) it wouldn’t be unreasonable for one to conclude that if you are going to have children then the least you can do is set some boundaries, know when to dish out appropriate discipline, and for god sake, teach them good hygiene and sanitary practices – otherwise don’t wonder why your kid later ends up in prison … I’m just saying…

T*R*A*S*H : Always Recycle!

Just Do It!
It's Easy...
NO EXCUSES!!

Sheep Mentality

So, I’m at the movies recently and decide to go get myself a drink. My friend and I go out to the concession stand and see three long lines – out the door! No one in line seemed to be concerned, they were all just blindly following the person in front of them. Upon closer inspection we realize that there are actually five workers behind the counter minding the cash registers. My friend goes up to one of the workers at a register without a line and asks if they are serving customers there. Very quickly a few of the “sheep” start getting their wooly knickers in a twist and insist that there are only three lines – despite the worker stating otherwise. At that point some of the smarter “take charge” people started moving over to where they could be more promptly served while most everyone else stayed right where they were. Interesting I thought, maybe some people actually enjoy standing in long lines when they don’t have to – I know I sure the hell don’t. Which got me to thinking about how there are leaders and then there are followers. While I suppose there is nothing wrong with being a follower, if you are going to be one then at least know what the heck you are following. …I’m just saying…

Hampster Power

The new Kia hampster commercials are pretty brillant I must admit:



Now if only the vehicles were as cool. ...I'm just saying...