Fame Whoring – Paris Hilton edition

Just when you think that ditzy, oh-so-innocent celebutard otherwise known as Paris Hilton has FINALLY gone away and crawled back under the rock from which she came, she remerges to plaster her fame-whoring ass all over yet another asinine business venture. And no boys and girls, it’s not an all natural, non-pharmaceutical version of columbian tang that she is hawking.

This time P. Hilty has decided (being the incredibly knowledgeable motorcycle expert that she is) that she would go out and get her very own little team on the world motorcycle championship circuit. …Because she needed a seemingly legitimate excuse to parade around in skin tight motorcycle costumes without obviously appearing like the super skanky Barbie wanna-be that she is.

From 2011-2013 the SuperMartXe VIP by Paris Hilton team will embarrassingly compete in the 125cc racing category all kitted out in hot pink and blue motorcycles emblazoned with her name. …No word yet whether or not the team’s racing uniforms will be rhinestone bedazzled with fluffy hot pink feathered trim.

Paris was so freaking excited about the whole ridonkulous deal that she tweeted “I can’t believe I have my own racing team! So cool! :)” And she even committed to attending at least five actual races during the next season.

Wow! Five whole races. How in the world will she ever manage to fit them in between all the crazy partying, paparazzi bribing, shopping, champagne swilling and raunchy table dancing?

Someone please make her go the effing hell away …once and for all …I’m just saying…

Bristol Palin: Sweet little girl next door extraordinaire

Tonight I almost did not watch the highly touted premier of Dancing With the Stars (DWTS) purely on principle alone. Seriously, the title alone implies that there are indeed actual stars involved in this celebrity dancing competition. Professional athletes, okay. Carol Brady from the cult classic show The Brady Bunch, yeah I’m buying that. But Bristol frickin Palin?

WTF did Bristol ever do that warrants her being invited to star in a celebrity dancing completion? Aside from getting knocked up as a teenager whilst her moronic mother was campaigning as a vice presidential candidate, I can’t say the girl has done anything of significance.

But now she is swanning around like some kind of holier-than-thou virgin who birthed a child via immaculate conception and proudly proclaiming that when it comes to dancing costumes for the show she would “wear the most modest outfits because that it who she is”. Yeah, righty-ho Bristol, whatever you say:




The only thing missing from this rather telling photo is her giant bottle of Captain Morgan’s rum and a shot gun. Oh, and that skanky blonde chick she was caught making out with…

And if that weren’t rich enough, Bristol’s well spun bio lists her as public speaker who earns between US$15,000 and $30,000 per appearance for flapping her gums on women’s, youth and abstinence matters. Yes, you read that correctly. A 19 year old, uneducated teenage mother is allegedly an expert on life matters, so much so that people are willing to shell out big bucks to listen to her yammer.




Perhaps she should stop with all the fame whoring and instead focus on getting her stupid ass a proper education so that she can start setting a decent example for her child. …I’m just saying…

Oopsy, I think I lost my top!

From churchy little girl next door to fame whore extraordinaire, Heidi Montag (or whatever the hell she is calling herself these days) is certainly giving P. Hilty a run for the money when it comes to trying to stay in the highly sought after public spotlight.

With all the fake marriages and divorces, horrific attempts at singing and acting, wardrobe malfunctions, outrageous amounts of plastic surgery and alleged girl-on-girl sex tapes, it appears there is absolutely no line that Heidi wouldn’t cross just to stay front and center on the covers of all those trashy tabloid magazines.


Here is Heidi plotting her attempt to become the next human Barbie:




When “Operation Barbie” didn’t go over so well, Heidi then concocted a highly publicized divorce from her wackadoodle husband Spencer. Nobody cared. She then had to think a bit more creatively:




Most recently Heidi has been making uninvited (photo) appearances at breast cancer walks and tweeting that she is giving herself a soft tissue massage while reminding all the other fake-boobied ladies out there that they have to keep those implants soft.

When oh when will the madness stop?...

I swear it wasn’t mine

When oh-so-skanky fame whore Paris Hilton was recently arrested in Las Vegas on drug charges it made for the third time in the past several months that she was caught by authorities with an illegal substance in her possession. This time the mind altering party in a bag was nothing other than good old Columbian Tang (a.k.a. cocaine).

While in police custody a bindle of blow (oops!) fell out of the purse Paris was carrying. The desperate-for-attention heiress played poor little victim yet again by exclaiming that she thought the powdery white substance was chewing gum and that the purse wasn’t hers.

Now that the majority of her beyond ridiculous product lines have failed (champagne-in-a-can, cheap hair extensions, P-Hilty blow-up dollies), perhaps Paris was simply out on the town test driving her new celebrity edition ‘Eight Ball’ jewelry line that features its very own special chewing gum compartment.

Yay Paris! Way to make mommy and daddy proud...

Please just go away already Jake & Vienna

Reality TV and show hosting reached an all-time low last night when The Bachelorette dedicated a full 30 minutes of scintillating programming to the ‘after the break up reunion of Jake and Vienna’. In case you don’t happen to read the trash tabloids, Jake and Vienna were the most recent destined-to-be-together-forever couple who hooked up on The Bachelor. She was the mean and skanky-like ho that all the girls on the show hated. He was the douchey pilot (who was dumped by the previous Bachelorette Jillian, Joanie or whatever the f*uck her name was) and later cast as the new Bachelor… Yeah, I know, it truly is an absolute freaking nightmare just trying to keep up with the ridiculous reality TV soap opera that the ABC network has conceived… But anyway, during the not-to-be-missed-reunion, tool-head Jake and weepy Vienna had a full-on knock down drag out bicker fest. They argued about everything from GPS, to furniture arrangement and even dog poo. Apparently Jakey wasn’t giving up the ole sausage and Vienna was feeling neglected and unloved. Jake was whining about how he felt undermined and emasculated (yes his words, but kind of ironic considering how he always seems to comes across as an overly emotional, wussy big girl’s blouse). There were also accusations of infidelity, lying and fame whoring! When the opposing parties got hung up arguing about Vienna’s dog, the host Chris Harrison finally interjected and said “No one cares about the dog” -- which had to be the best and only redeeming line of this completely embarrassing saga. It is my sincere hope that Chris Harrison will finally wake up and realize that he is quickly turning into the scummy new mayor of Jerry Springerville – and go get a real job. As for Jake and Vienna, one can only hope that they crawl back under whatever rocks they originally came from under, because frankly, no one really gives a shit …I’m just saying…