Car No Go

After experiencing a recent and rather shocking case of extremely poor customer service, I thought I would share it with you because that is what we often do here at The Ranter’s Box. We rant and take the piss at stupid human behavior and/or businesses that have no business providing so-called service to the general public.

Today’s rant features shitty customer service at the car wash. Following is a recap of the rather unfortunate event:

• Drive perfectly-functioning vehicle to the local carwash for a deluxe wash and wax.

• Request type of car wash and hand keys over to semi-literate car wash attendant.

• Go inside shop to pay and then wait outside for 30 glorious minutes in the sunshine.

• Start to wonder what in the heck is taking (daft) car washers so long to wash such a teeny tiny vehicle.

• See vehicle pop out the end of the car wash area and sigh a bit of relief …temporarily.

• Notice large sumo wrestler is driving vehicle with two other car wash attendants laughing and pushing vehicle like it is a clown car.

• Car wash attendants commence with drying and polishing vehicle so not too concerned but make note to self that tip should reflect their somewhat inappropriate conduct.

• Head over to vehicle when car wash attendants signal vehicle is ready.

• Inquire as to why car wash attendants were joking around and using vehicle like a toy.

• (Stupid) attendant replies “Car No Go”.

• To which The Empress responds “What do you mean, car no go?”

• “Car no go. Car broken”, they reply.

• By this point The Empress is NOT amused and asks to speak with the manager.

• Partially literate ‘manager’ turns up and says that the car is “dead” and suggests that The Empress contact a mobile mechanic.

• “What do you mean the car is dead? It was running perfectly fine when I drove it up here and handed you my car keys thirty minutes ago. I do not recall delivering the vehicle to you on a flatbed truck, so what exactly did you do to my car?” The Empress demanded.

• Smart-ass but obviously incredibly dumb manager fails to take any responsibility, despite the crowd of customers that are all starting to wonder what in the frick is going on and hoping they aren't next.

• On the verge of going kung-fu on their moronic asses, The Empress tells them that they had better fix whatever the hell they did to jack up the vehicle and do it PRONTO!

• Semi-intelligent car wash attendant shows up with a portable battery charger box and actually manages to get the vehicle running in a matter of seconds, prompting The Empress to wonder why they didn't bother doing this before turning the vehicle back over to her ...OR before she found out in the first place.

• The Empress takes possession of the vehicle and tells the stupid pack of jackasses that she will never use their shitty car wash again and drives off giving them a well deserved one finger salute!

MORAL OF THE STORY: (1) Never knowingly turn your beloved vehicle over to a half-witted sumo wrestler and his two imbecile sidekicks and expect said vehicle to be returned to you in its original condition. (2) And steer clear of Beacon Bay Car Wash(es). They SUCK big sweaty, hairy, smelly donkey balls!


Happy Monday my lovelies!
xo The Empress