Insiders and Outsiders on Bachelor Pad

Last night’s 2nd episode of Bachelor Pad continued to deliver on the overly dramatic front. There was further lying, manipulation, strategizing, crying and conniving as participants sub-divided into the cool ‘insiders’ group and the less popular ‘outsiders’ group. Both groups were plotting for domination and ultimately control of the game -- despite looking like a bunch of gross, puking asshats during a hands-free pie eating contest.

Psycho Elizabeth the ‘Bunny Boiler’ still had Kovacs balls in a vice grip and was calling the shots amongst the insiders (Kovacs, Natalie, Jesse B, Tenley, Kiptyn, Dave and a few other morons). Anyone who didn’t get with her program was reminded that their ass would be next on the chopping block. Poor Kovacs wandered around the rest of the show with a concerned look on his face and his tail between his legs. The fact that he managed to get it up long enough to bang Elizabeth in the shower shows just how desperate he is to win the $250,000.

Meanwhile, swimsuit model Gia was clearly running the show amongst the outsiders (Gwen, Peyton, Krisily, Nikki, Craig, the Weatherman plus whomever else they could con over to their side). After Gia won immunity during the girl’s pie eating contest, her plan was to give immunity to creepy Craig thus saving him from being voted off by the insider girls. This plan went well up until the point slime-ball Wes professed his undying love for her during their group date. Gia caved and the rose/immunity went to Wes, leaving Craig as a marked target.

The Weatherman gleefully won immunity during the guy’s pie eating contest. He had a ridiculous group date with Gwen, Peyton and Ashley that entailed them donning swimwear and using their body parts to create a painting. Clueless Weatherman thought he was forming a real love connection with Gwen whom he bestowed with the rose/immunity. Gwen however wasn’t feeling it. She spoke directly into the camera and let everyone know that romance with her and the Weatherman wouldn’t happen in a million years.

Back at the ranch, the scheming continued along with drinking, hot tub hookup’s and various parties campaigning to save their asses from being voted off right up until the last second before elimination. Blah, blah, blah…

By the time the participants were assembled for the elimination ceremony, I honestly didn’t give a shit who got voted off. The only thing that kept me from shutting off the TV was trying to figure out why Natalie thought it would be sexy to wear a Barbie pink tutu and who the eff was responsible for dressing host Chris Harrison in his checkered shirt and polka dot tie ensemble.

In the end Jessie S. and Craig were sent home. Hopefully they are now thanking their lucky stars that neither of them has to endure another day of the jackassery that is otherwise known as Bachelor Pad …because this show sucks!

The scummy world of reality TV lives on with Bachelor Pad

Tonight the reigning mayor of Jerryspringerville, Chris Harrison, presided over the inaugural episode of Bachelor Pad. 19 fame-whoring previous cast members from the Bachelor and Bachelorette franchises were reunited to compete for US$250,000 -- and the chance to once again try and find love (or more like additional face time) in front of the cameras.

The basic premise behind the show is to NOT get voted off during weekly elimination and to ultimately be the last person standing thus winning the coveted quarter million dollar prize. The contestants are divided into two teams based on gender. Each week they compete in some sort of convoluted and sexually charged group competition -- this week it was the children’s game Twister played in bikinis and swim trunks. The winner of the competition is granted immunity from elimination as well as the opportunity to take three of the contestants from the opposing team on a mini-group date. On the date the weekly winner presents one of the men/woman with a rose and thereby grants them with immunity from elimination as well. Blah, blah, blah…

As was to be expected, the producers dug deep to cast the most sleazy, conniving, emotionally unstable, lying, deviant and just plain wackadoodle train wrecks from the world of reality TV. Quite a few of the cast members already knew one another and some of them had previously hooked up which automatically upped the drama factor. Add to that the fact that all the contestants are forced to bunk in the same room, and well I’m sure you can guess where this drama train is headed! Sex, lies, drama, booze, intrigue, crying, emotional blackmail, sabotage, backstabbing, more crying, manipulation -- and this was only the first episode!

When it came elimination time, the first casualty was some don juan major d-bag named Juan who had banged one of the contestants Nikki back in Chicago just so he could have a free place to stay while he was visiting her hometown. The next to go was the majorly psychotic Michelle who locked another female contestant in the bathroom while threatening her with her life. When crazy-ass Michelle was voted off someone appropriately summed it up by saying something like ‘there is no place on a straight jacket for a rose so that girl had to go’.

So there you have it my lovelies. Next time I will fill you in on the runner-up psycho named Elizabeth who is obsessively in love with Jesse ‘Kovacs’ despite the fact that he has made it abundantly clear the feelings aren’t mutual.
Until then, xo.