Thursday, July 8, 2010

Swipe, Big Smile… Now Blow!


Oh my lordy, whatever is the world coming to? The incredibly archaic Liquor Control Board for the state of Pennsylvania is introducing -- get this people -- wine kiosks at two grocery stores! The opportunity for local citizens to purchase wine from a vending machine is reported to be a huge step for those who like to imbibe. Currently individuals can only buy wine or liquor for home consumption in state-owned stores that are staffed by public employees. And even beer has to be purchased by the case or keg from private beer distributors. …Wow! They clearly know how to have a roaring good time in PA, now don’t they? …The Chairman of the liquor board, Patrick Stapleton believes that the new wine kiosks will provide “an added level of convenience in today’s busy society”. Seriously Patrick? I don’t know about you, but I’m guessing the average consumer of alcohol is not going to be all that thrilled at the prospect of having to seek out a special grocery store that features a room temperature, limited selection wine vending machine. Yes, that’s right, the fricking booze ain’t even gonna be cold my friends! Then if a person actually decides to purchase some plonk from one of those high tech goodie dispensers, they have to swipe their driver’s license, make a big pretty grin for the camera and then blow into a breathalyzer sensor. But wait folks, there’s more! If a state employee who is remotely monitoring the vending machine decides the consumer in the surveillance camera matches the one on the ID and said person isn’t already drunk, then the booze purchase is approved. Oh, and of course there is a special added service charge for the transaction… To me, the whole complicated process seems about as appealing as Paris Hilton’s jackass idea for 'champagne-in-a-can'. I think I’d rather just stay home and drink a bottle of cough syrup. …I’m just saying…

6 comments:

  1. @The Bitchy Waiter: Nasty is right! Yes, there is some breath sensor thingy that you have to blow on or into (aren't there better things for one to blow than a booze machine?)... Apparently your mouth doesn't actually have to come into direct contact with the sensor AND if that is the case then maybe some people will just fart on it!...Crazy, uptight PA liquor board!!

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  2. Sounds like some real jackassery to me!

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  3. @Donda: Yes indeed, don't think I'll be visiting PA anytime soon! Thanks for reading by the way.

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  4. ...I don't drink after my own MOTHER for fear of germs...I wouldn't blow into anything that the public blows into...helllooo...H1N1, Mono...need I say more? But I wouldn't mind champagne in a can...LMAO! I don't prefer beer, so I can carry my canned chamgagne in a koozie like all the beer drinkers at the cook-out...LOL...maybe that's not so bad for us "down to earth-ers...":)

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  5. @G: It is official, the readers have spoken and the PA Liquor Control Board is completely off its rocker... Yes, a koozie is highly recommended if you plan to drink anything with Paris Hilton's name on it (ie: cover that shit up!)

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