Dear Annoying Neighbor,
While I’m guessing that you probably suffer from a deviated septum, a fatty neck, or are afflicted with having a ginormous Shamu the Killer Whale sized tongue that is blocking your breathing passage, this still does not excuse the fact that you regularly disturb the peace and quiet of your neighbors.
Let it be clear that I, along with the other tenants, am beyond fed up with your loud and incessant snoring. We are sick and tired of having you rattle our walls and keep us awake each and every night with that gawd awful sound that comes out of your monstrous, meaty, phlegm-filled head.
Obviously you have a serious problem and need help. Please go get yourself some of those Breathe Right nose strips, a sleep apnea mask, or a tongue amputation. Otherwise pack up your shit and move the heck up out of our building. AND DO IT NOW!
Momma needs her beauty sleep and she isn’t going to tell you again.
Regards,
The Empress
Pillow. Problem solved. :)
ReplyDeleteI know exactly how you feel. My neighbor that just moved out snored like a fool. I could hear him at night through my wall. Needless to say I am glad that he moved.
ReplyDeleteI used to have a neighbour that when he got drunk would watch Apocalypse Now at full volume on his 52 inch screen TV. At least phlegm-head isn't doing it on purpose. It must still be annoying, though.
ReplyDelete@Danger Boy: Excellent idea!
ReplyDelete@Oilfield Trash: Glad your neighbor moved. I wouldn't wish that problem on anyone.
@Tony Van Helsing: A drunk neighbor like that would totally suck. I'm guessing that you now know all the lines from that movie?
Oh My God! It sounds like my husband is your neighbour! I have come within a sliver of committing homicide in the middle of the night just to get some bloody sleep. It drives me nuts. Must be even worse when it's not even in your house!
ReplyDelete@Lottie Spartacus: You poor woman. And your lucky husband. I would have definitely strangled him by now.
ReplyDeleteHorrendous. Definitely something I don't miss about living in such close proximity to others. Sometimes what you hear is interesting or comical, but snoring . . . there's nothing good in that. I do hope it gets better!
ReplyDeleteGood God!!! Drop off a bag of corks on his front door.
ReplyDeleteThat would drive me nuts!!
ReplyDeleteThat would drive me nuts but I'd rather have the snoring than neighbors slamming doors so hard it makes the stuff on my walls fall. Actually.... I'd rather have neither.
ReplyDeleteSki mask, plastic bag, and rope...I'll have that problem solved for you before the sun comes up :)
ReplyDeleteWow. Someone snores loud enough to wake neighbors? That's nuts!
ReplyDeleteI have the same problem as Lottie. I've gotten to the point where if I fall asleep before hubby, I can actually get some sleep...unless I wake up in the night to go potty or something. Then all is lost. And he wonders why I'm such a bitch.
ReplyDeleteYikes! Drop a bag of corks off at his front door.
ReplyDeleteYou know, Empress, the way you beat around the bush, how is your neighbor to know how you really feel!?! Hope he gets this taken care of pretty soon.
ReplyDelete@J.Day: The only thing about as bad as the snoring is having to listen to gross people having sex.
ReplyDelete@Al Penwasser: Should I suggest he shove the corks up his nose, his ass or both?
@Laynee: It is positively maddening! We also have plenty of door slammers as well.
@Thundercat832: Only if I can do the job with you!
@Thank Q: Yep. Keeps me up at night on a regular basis.
@Mrs. Hyde: I feel for you. Perhaps you should dedicate the name of your blog in honor of his snoring.
@SharleneT: Thanks. Maybe I should print off this post and stick it on his front door along with a box of Breathe Right strips.
I don't see any contact/email info on your site. I wanted to get a message to you for a blogging event I'm having and I hoped you would participate. You can get my contact info on my page if you want to just reach out to me for info. Thanks.
ReplyDelete@Thank Q: I appreciate the invite and will get your contact info from your blog site.
ReplyDeletelol..sounds like my hubby
ReplyDeleteOkay, I'm totally stunned at the number of people who can actually hear someone else snoring in an apartment. I've lived in a couple of apartments when I was younger, and I think I'd go postal on somebody's ass if I could hear that shit. That's just...wow...that can't be healthy!
ReplyDeleteYou should leave that note on his door:P
ReplyDeletei feel your pain...
ReplyDeleteor i should say my wife does...
i can sleep thru anything, including my own snoring...
i have tried the strips and a whole bunch of stuff, but magically i am much better as a nonsmoker...
but i am with TC832- i will bring a hammer as well...
@becca: You poor dear!
ReplyDelete@Deus Ex Machina: Welcome and thanks for the blog love! Yes, it is totally 'postal' inspiring.
@bangyourhead: That along with a box of those nose strip thingys!
@Bruce: Glad to hear that you not smoking has been helping with the snoring. Also, I love the idea that I have my very own assassin team!
at your service my wordperv Empress!
ReplyDeletebtw...alcohol makes snoring worse, because it is a depressant and affects the lungs and the throat blobs that make snoring so annoying...
Trying having 3 of those sleeping in one room...You don't have it that bad but if his snoring is that bad he needs to get something done.
ReplyDelete@Bruce: Note to snorers: DO NOT DRINK before going to bed!
ReplyDelete@The Adorkable Ditz: OMG. That would totally suck. I feel for you. And yes, that snore monster neighbor definitely needs to get something done.
I will give him a tracheotomy against his will for $500... no more snoring.
ReplyDeletethat might be a little farther than you want to go with this though...
http://arealgoodblog.blogspot.com
@Charles: Perfect! You can come along when Bruce, Thundercat and I take him out ; )
ReplyDelete